Wedding Day Timeline help

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

Hi everyone! I'm getting married on 12/12/14, which is a Friday. The ceremony will be a full Catholic Mass in NY with the reception about 20-30 minutes away in NJ. We want to make sure that nothing is rushed, but we also want to make sure we're being considerate of people since the wedding is on a Friday, and we are inviting guests to bring their kids as well. I'm thinking of having the ceremony about 4 or 4:30, and then starting the reception (with the cocktail hour first) no later than 7:00. This would have the night end at midnight. There is a bridal suite downstairs with a couch in case some kids fall asleep. FI wants to start everything later, like 8:00 and having the night end at 1:00 am. I think this is too late, especially for a Friday night. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

decembergrl2014 said:

Hi everyone! I'm getting married on 12/12/14, which is a Friday. The ceremony will be a full Catholic Mass in NY with the reception about 20-30 minutes away in NJ. We want to make sure that nothing is rushed, but we also want to make sure we're being considerate of people since the wedding is on a Friday, and we are inviting guests to bring their kids as well. I'm thinking of having the ceremony about 4 or 4:30, and then starting the reception (with the cocktail hour first) no later than 7:00. This would have the night end at midnight. There is a bridal suite downstairs with a couch in case some kids fall asleep. FI wants to start everything later, like 8:00 and having the night end at 1:00 am. I think this is too late, especially for a Friday night. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

I think your FI has a better grasp. I was invited to a 3:30 wedding on a Friday and though I went, I was super irritated. H had to take a half day unpaid and it was really inconvenient for lots of people. I think Friday weddings shouldn't start before 6:30.

This is what I think is ideal.

6:30-7:30 Ceremony

7:45 Cocktail hour/Pictures

8:30 Dinner Served

I know this feels tight... and it is. If you're choosing a Friday wedding, it needs to be late enough that people can get out of work but I also think 9:00pm dinner is too late. You have to know your circle, but there is just no freaking way that would work in my circle.

As for pictures, I think you basically are forced to have a first look, so I hope that's something you're already planning.

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

Thank you for your input. It makes a lot of sense. No first look though. It's considered bad luck in the Catholic religion.

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

I promise I'm not trying to be a jerk, I just really think you need to think of your guests first. Can I ask why you want a Friday wedding? If it's because it's cheaper, if you add everyone's lost wages and aggravation (if you start at 4:00), it's not cheaper.

As for pictures, please don't have a long cocktail hour if you do a later wedding. I didn't see H before our wedding so I made a really good list of every combination of people I wanted and we look absolutely everything that didn't involve both of us prior to the wedding, then a few big groups, then about 20 minutes of couples shots. We have 50+ great pictures. The bridal industry makes us think we need 500 pictures of ourselves, but honestly, we really don't. Your home doesn't need to be a shrine of your wedding

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

I am thinking of my guests, which is why I'm asking for input. Rebecca, I don't think you're being a jerk. :-) Budget does play a role since FI and I are paying for everything ourselves. We also wanted a smaller wedding, since we have small families. The price difference between a Friday and Saturday wasn't that much, but we would have had to guarantee a minimum of 125 people for a Saturday, and we only need to guarantee a minimum of 75 people for a Friday. Neither one of us wanted a Sunday wedding. Of course we want to start off the weekend with a great wedding. We are trying to take into consideration that our guests will be tired after working all week, and that it may be too late to end at 1 am for those that have kids. (Yes, they can leave them at home if they want).

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

Nothing says that they are required to stay until 1am and let the parents choose what to do with their children. With a wedding as late as what you're thinking, I probably wouldn't invite children anyway unless you're really close since it'll be so late.

jenna8984 · August 2014

Did you already book everything? I was having the same issue with not meeting Saturday minimums but they told me the Saturday afternoon slot from 2pm-8pm had no minimum so I chose that. Is that something you could do? If not and it's all booked for Friday, I'd really start the ceremony after 6. I was in my brother's last year and it was 5pm on a Friday. Half the people missed the ceremony, even when they left work early they were stuck in traffic. Also, an hour for photos is fine, please don't do 4pm then cocktail hour at 7 or 8. If you push it later, push the whole ceremony later too so there's no gap.

artbyallie · August 2014

decembergrl2014 said:

Thank you for your input. It makes a lot of sense. No first look though. It's considered bad luck in the Catholic religion.

I'm fairly certain this isn't accurate since the bride and groom are supposed to enter together in a Catholic ceremony. Which I realize is actually frequently changed to the bride entering with her father as with a Protestant wedding, but regardless, that is the prescribed method.

But even without a first look you can take all the pictures that don't require bride and groom together. We did, which cut way down on pictures after the ceremony while our guests went to the reception.

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

I am really hoping that there isn't a gap. I plan on getting as many pics done before the ceremony as possible, then pics with FI and I and are families when we get to the reception hall. I've never heard of or seen a bride and groom enter a Catholic ceremony together. The first time FI sees me that day will be when my father and I walk down the aisle. :-)

chasseuse · August 2014

artbyallie said:

decembergrl2014 said:

Thank you for your input. It makes a lot of sense. No first look though. It's considered bad luck in the Catholic religion.

I'm fairly certain this isn't accurate since the bride and groom are supposed to enter together in a Catholic ceremony. Which I realize is actually frequently changed to the bride entering with her father as with a Protestant wedding, but regardless, that is the prescribed method.

But even without a first look you can take all the pictures that don't require bride and groom together. We did, which cut way down on pictures after the ceremony while our guests went to the reception.

This is definitely the norm in the rubrics. It's often changed to accommodate the traditional "giving away" by the FOB.

And, to be blunt, many Catholics believe in superstition, but it is NOT taught or condoned by the Church.

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

I know it's not taught or condoned by the Church. FI and I are just superstitious by nature, which is one of the reasons why we didn't choose 12/13/14 for our date. I have a feeling a lot of our guests will just go to the reception and skip the ceremony. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. We do want to be considerate of our guests and not have to rush to get pics done, so I think we will push for a later ceremony/reception time.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

I would do this:

Before Ceremony - All photos except B&G and family formals

6:00 - Ceremony

7:00 - Cocktail hour for guests / B&G and family formal photos

7:45 - dinner is served

In all honestly, you're inconveniencing your guests with your superstitions: #1 - the "can't get married on 12/13/14" thing; and #2 - the "can't see each other before the ceremony" thing. I wouldn't inconvenience them further by having this at 4pm on Friday and then having a multi-hour gap. You can find harmony between your superstitions and properly hosting your guests, but you will have to tweak things and sacrifice here and there.

chasseuse · August 2014

decembergrl2014 said:

I know it's not taught or condoned by the Church. FI and I are just superstitious by nature, which is one of the reasons why we didn't choose 12/13/14 for our date. I have a feeling a lot of our guests will just go to the reception and skip the ceremony. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. We do want to be considerate of our guests and not have to rush to get pics done, so I think we will push for a later ceremony/reception time.

If you are superstitious, fine, I have no problem with that, but then don't turn around and say the Catholic religion considers first looks to be bad luck. That statement is completely false and paints an incorrect picture of the religion.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

decembergrl2014 said:

Thank you for your input. It makes a lot of sense. No first look though. It's considered bad luck in the Catholic religion.

If you read CCC 2110-2111 (clicky), superstition is considered to be a violation of the First Commandment. So, no - the Catholic church does not teach this.

And you'll also want to really factor in traffic on a Friday going from NYC to NJ. As a Texan, I don't know how bad it is, but the last few times I was getting a cab ride from Manhattan to LGA, it was a pain in the ass.

ETA: What time does your parish offer a wedding Mass on Fridays? Our parish (and most churches I know) will have set wedding times (i.e. 7:00 pm on Fridays, 11:00 am, 2:00 pm, and 7:30 pm on Saturdays).

Marzipan13 · August 2014

chasseuse said:

decembergrl2014 said:

I know it's not taught or condoned by the Church. FI and I are just superstitious by nature, which is one of the reasons why we didn't choose 12/13/14 for our date. I have a feeling a lot of our guests will just go to the reception and skip the ceremony. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. We do want to be considerate of our guests and not have to rush to get pics done, so I think we will push for a later ceremony/reception time.

If you are superstitious, fine, I have no problem with that, but then don't turn around and say the Catholic religion considers first looks to be bad luck. That statement is completely false and paints an incorrect picture of the religion.

^THANK YOU. The RCC doesn't believe it's bad luck - YOU do, @decembergrl2014. Please don't confuse these two things.

Jen4948 · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

And you'll also want to really factor in traffic on a Friday going from NYC to NJ. As a Texan, I don't know how bad it is, but the last few times I was getting a cab ride from Manhattan to LGA, it was a pain in the ass.

Traffic is going to be terrible going from NYC to NJ on a Friday night.

RedJacks25 · August 2014

I would much rather go to a later wedding and possibly leave the reception early due to tiredness than rush to leave work early (and not be paid for it), run home to change super quick, and show up to a wedding that could have been pushed back a few hours by the couple.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

If I were a guest being invited to a Friday wedding I would prefer a 5:00 PM or later ceremony time. The reason being is that I can change my work schedule around some to make it to the ceremony on time but I need a little time to go home & change. Both mine & my husbands places of employement are casual attire and we wouldn't want to risk messing up our dress clothes during the day. Also if people need to go pick up kids, they need time to dress the kids too. Or in our case, along with getting changed, letting our dogs out. I do agree with you that 9:00 PM is too late for dinner.

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