XP: Hair & Makeup Trial: Hated it. WWYD?

ashley8918 · August 2014

So, I had my hair and makeup trial last night, and I absolutely hated it. The hair looked weird and flat, and the makeup was boring and not at all flattering. It looked nothing like the pictures that I showed her.

Of course, I was too awkward to tell her I hated it. I know I should have, but I just couldn't. I don't know why, but I'm really concerned about hurting her feelings.

So, I know that I will not be switching stylists for a few reasons. 1) I am only 2 months away, and I don't think I really have time. 2) She has been cutting/coloring my hair for years, and we have become friends. I'm not interested in firing her and damaging that relationship. 3) I have already paid her. And even if I could get my money back, I am getting a pretty good deal. I don't think I can afford someone else's services.

I'm thinking maybe I should switch to a different style for the hair. Maybe it just doesn't work for my super thick, super long hair. I'm not really sure how to fix the makeup. So, how to I gently break it to her that I don't like it? Should I ask for another trial, or just give her a slightly different style for the wedding, more directive on the makeup, and hope for the best?

LittlePeachBlossom · August 2014

Take a few days to calm down so you don't approach her when your emotions are high. (Justifiably as you're disappointed, I've cried at awful hairstyles.)

List exactly what you didn't like about the hairstyle and make up. Try to keep words like weird and boring out of your description. Instead use words that best describe the actual look. Like it looked weighed down and stuck out too much to the right side of my head. Or the make up was more muted than I expected and I'd like to highlight my eyes a bit more while minimizing my plump lips.

Take a look at the pictures of you compared to the samples you showed her. For every part you think she missed the mark, describe the differences between the two. You can also ask which tools and products she used and see if maybe they can be swapped for something else.

I'm sure she's a great stylist since you've going to her for years. Ask for a second trial and work together as she's styling you. The moment you think you may not like something, ask about it and see what else can be done.

ashley8918 · August 2014

LittlePeachBlossom said:

Take a few days to calm down so you don't approach her when your emotions are high. (Justifiably as you're disappointed, I've cried at awful hairstyles.)

List exactly what you didn't like about the hairstyle and make up. Try to keep words like weird and boring out of your description. Instead use words that best describe the actual look. Like it looked weighed down and stuck out too much to the right side of my head. Or the make up was more muted than I expected and I'd like to highlight my eyes a bit more while minimizing my plump lips.

Take a look at the pictures of you compared to the samples you showed her. For every part you think she missed the mark, describe the differences between the two. You can also ask which tools and products she used and see if maybe they can be swapped for something else.

I'm sure she's a great stylist since you've going to her for years. Ask for a second trial and work together as she's styling you. The moment you think you may not like something, ask about it and see what else can be done.

See, I knew that you guys could make me feel a little better

Waiting a few days is a good idea. I am really upset right now, and don't want to project that onto her because, like I said, I'm really not interested in hurting her feelings.

All of this is really good advice. Thank you!

JaxInBlue · August 2014

I would write her an email explaining, specifically, your concerns. Do you have post-trial pictures where you could point out things like I feel like the style is too flat here or I'd like to see more eye shadow?

If you are concerned about hurt feelings or damaging a your relationship, you can soften your displeasure with your hair by saying that the style didn't hold up the way you expected, and you'd like to try a something different or would like to try doing A instead of B.

As far as the make-up goes, I think being more directive is probably the way to go - you and she may have different preferences for make up and you probably just need to be more specific about your style. I told my own MUA that a bright red lip wasn't me and she adjusted my plan to be a palette and application I was more comfortable with.

If your stylist is a professional, she should not be personally upset by your feedback and requests for a new trial or plan. Her primary interest should be in having a happy client who will recommend her services and feel positive about her work.

ashley8918 · August 2014

JaxInBlue said:

I would write her an email explaining, specifically, your concerns. Do you have post-trial pictures where you could point out things like I feel like the style is too flat here or I'd like to see more eye shadow?

If you are concerned about hurt feelings or damaging a your relationship, you can soften your displeasure with your hair by saying that the style didn't hold up the way you expected, and you'd like to try a something different or would like to try doing A instead of B.

As far as the make-up goes, I think being more directive is probably the way to go - you and she may have different preferences for make up and you probably just need to be more specific about your style. I told my own MUA that a bright red lip wasn't me and she adjusted my plan to be a palette and application I was more comfortable with.

If your stylist is a professional, she should not be personally upset by your feedback and requests for a new trial or plan. Her primary interest should be in having a happy client who will recommend her services and feel positive about her work.

To the bolded: I really like this a lot. It's nicer than just flat out saying that i don't like it.

As far as the makeup, I really didn't give her much directive at all, so that one is probably on me.

ElcaB · August 2014

You've got to be honest with her, or she can't fix it.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Saying "this isn't the look I had in mind" is a far cry different than "this is ugly" or "you did a terrible job." It's not a personal jab at her skill, it's just not what you were looking for.

I'd tell her "I looked some more at the pictures I took of my trial, and it's not the look I had in mind. Is there a different way of styling my hair that would give it (more volume on top/more waves/less ringlets/whatever specifically you wanted)? I'd also feel more comfortable with (lighter foundation/a more blended eye/more dramatic liner/pinker lip/whatever)."

ashley8918 · August 2014

lolo883 said:

Saying "this isn't the look I had in mind" is a far cry different than "this is ugly" or "you did a terrible job." It's not a personal jab at her skill, it's just not what you were looking for.

I'd tell her "I looked some more at the pictures I took of my trial, and it's not the look I had in mind. Is there a different way of styling my hair that would give it (more volume on top/more waves/less ringlets/whatever specifically you wanted)? I'd also feel more comfortable with (lighter foundation/a more blended eye/more dramatic liner/pinker lip/whatever)."

Yes, I think these are the exact words that I was looking for. I absolutely didn't want to say "I don't like it"

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

This would absolutely stress me out, so I would be scheduling a second trial.

ashley8918 · August 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

This would absolutely stress me out, so I would be scheduling a second trial.

I think this is the plan. Everyone has given me some great ideas on how to ask for this without being all "Wahhhhhhh! I hate it!"

Thanks ladies! Now I just need to stop looking at the pictures because it is making me so upset.

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

ashley8918 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

This would absolutely stress me out, so I would be scheduling a second trial.

I think this is the plan. Everyone has given me some great ideas on how to ask for this without being all "Wahhhhhhh! I hate it!"

Thanks ladies! Now I just need to stop looking at the pictures because it is making me so upset.

Are you comfortable posting them? My guess is you're also being harder on yourself then anyone else would be. Maybe we could help ease your mind/give suggestions?

ashley8918 · August 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

ashley8918 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

This would absolutely stress me out, so I would be scheduling a second trial.

I think this is the plan. Everyone has given me some great ideas on how to ask for this without being all "Wahhhhhhh! I hate it!"

Thanks ladies! Now I just need to stop looking at the pictures because it is making me so upset.

Are you comfortable posting them? My guess is you're also being harder on yourself then anyone else would be. Maybe we could help ease your mind/give suggestions?

I probably am. I guess it's not *awful* but it definitely isn't what I was looking for.

Here are the pictures that I showed her:

And here is what I got:

ashley8918 · August 2014

WHOA. Those are huge! Sorry!

pinkshorts27 · August 2014

WHOA. Those are huge! Sorry!

Perfectly sized for mobile.

Also, you are gorgeous, but I can see the differences in the pics and would be dissappointed too.

Inkdancer · August 2014

You are gorgeous! But I can definitely see where you would want more volume in the front and more dramatic eyes/ eyebrows.

levioosa · August 2014

You look great! However, I think more dramatic eyes and eyebrows would be better for pictures and will give you the look you are striving for.

ashley8918 · August 2014

Inkdancer said:

You are gorgeous! But I can definitely see where you would want more volume in the front and more dramatic eyes/ eyebrows.

Aww, thank you!

Yeah, I am definitely looking for something a dramatic all around.

Sugargirl1019 · August 2014

Hair: appears to be much looser than the original picture, and more hair is seen from the front than anticipated. The hair "bun" is too big, not tight enough, and too low. That's a gorgeous style, no wonder you love it! Can she pull tighter? Use more hairspray? Or is the thickness and volume of your hair just too much for that style? (I tried a cute French braid side bun, and my hair bun ended up 4 times as big as the picture because its so thick - I had to give the style up.)

Makeup: definitely a more dramatic eye! And I would ask for her to do false eyelashes. Fo reals. They will really help accentuate your eyes and will probably make you love how you look! I have similar color hair, and my MUA used brow color on my eyebrows to make them more defined. I'd ask for her to try that too!

I'm going to show you my before and afters. I usually kill anyone who sees me without makeup, so consider yourself blessed!

ashley8918 · August 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

Hair: appears to be much looser than the original picture, and more hair is seen from the front than anticipated. The hair "bun" is too big, not tight enough, and too low. That's a gorgeous style, no wonder you love it! Can she pull tighter? Use more hairspray? Or is the thickness and volume of your hair just too much for that style? (I tried a cute French braid side bun, and my hair bun ended up 4 times as big as the picture because its so thick - I had to give the style up.) Makeup: definitely a more dramatic eye! And I would ask for her to do false eyelashes. Fo reals. They will really help accentuate your eyes and will probably make you love how you look! I have similar color hair, and my MUA used brow color on my eyebrows to make them more defined. I'd ask for her to try that too! I'm going to show you my before and afters. I usually kill anyone who sees me without makeup, so consider yourself blessed!

That is beautiful! And I definitely see what you mean about the eyebrows and lashes. Mine are like, white-blonde, so even with black mascara i think I need a little more. She did mention that she would do lashes the day-of. I think the brows and lashes combined with a little heavier eyeliner should do the trick for the makeup.

As far as the hair goes, I may have to switch to a style more like yours. My hair is SUPER long and thick, so maybe that's why the bun got so massive. It just didn't have the poofiness that I was looking for. It was like a big curly pancake, haha. I do still want something that goes off to the side, because I think it looks cool with the headband-thing that I have. Maybe something more like one of these?:

ETF: WTF?! Where are my paragraphs and pictures?

jenna8984 · August 2014

You're so pretty and I love that headband!! I definitely think the hair is off but I have a question. Did she make any disclaimer about the hair or did she say "this is exactly how it will be on the wedding day"?. My stylist is also a close friend, and before she even touched my head for my trial she told me "Rule #1- this is about 5 times shittier than I will do it on the wedding day. They taught us at Paul Mitchell to NEVER do the style to your best ability at the trial because it will be a disaster if you can't get it that good on the wedding day. So always do it quick/ lose/ crappy so that it blows the bride away on the wedding day."

It toally makes sense because I did watch a wedding show where the girl screamed and cried for an hour because the hair wasn't coming out like it did at the trial. So just make sure to ask her if this is the real deal or a "quickie" version. But yes, if that is her real deal, I'd chose a different style for sure.

ashley8918 · August 2014

jenna8984 said:

You're so pretty and I love that headband!! I definitely think the hair is off but I have a question. Did she make any disclaimer about the hair or did she say "this is exactly how it will be on the wedding day"?. My stylist is also a close friend, and before she even touched my head for my trial she told me "Rule #1- this is about 5 times shittier than I will do it on the wedding day. They taught us at Paul Mitchell to NEVER do the style to your best ability at the trial because it will be a disaster if you can't get it that good on the wedding day. So always do it quick/ lose/ crappy so that it blows the bride away on the wedding day."
It toally makes sense because I did watch a wedding show where the girl screamed and cried for an hour because the hair wasn't coming out like it did at the trial. So just make sure to ask her if this is the real deal or a "quickie" version. But yes, if that is her real deal, I'd chose a different style for sure.

She did, but only that she would flat iron first to tame down frizziness, tease a little more, etc. But the way the bun looks probably wont be any different. I also don't like the braid at all. It's not what I had in mind, and it really doesn't look like the picture. It is definitely not the perfect vesion, but it doesn't even give me the general idea that it will look good.

ETA: You guys are so sweet

Thank you! And the headband was an awesome find! $40 at a sample shop & it was the last one. Like, ever. They stopped making them.

themuffinman16 · August 2014

I was definitely disappointed with my hairstylist for my first trial run. She made me look like a barbie doll with pink makeup and my hair looked matronly. I was in thte same situation. She has been a long time friend of mine. The second time, she was much closer with the makeup, and the hair she nailed. The makeup she gave me was almost what I wanted but a little drag-esque. I had her tame the make up down a bit, so it was still smokey, but not over the top.

One the wedding day, my hair was gorgeous and so was my makeup. She really upset me on my wedding day, because she took way too much time. (Another story. Lol). What is important is doing a trial run, refrain from using judgment in your opinion (I looked plain. I looked like a whore. lol) I would like to try a different color palette. This is the color I use in my every day routine. instead of pinks can we try browns. etc. It might take a few tries to get it right, but, as a long time hairdresser of yours, how you look on your wedding day is important to her. 2 months is plenty of time.

ashley8918 · August 2014

themuffinman16 said:

I was definitely disappointed with my hairstylist for my first trial run. She made me look like a barbie doll with pink makeup and my hair looked matronly. I was in thte same situation. She has been a long time friend of mine. The second time, she was much closer with the makeup, and the hair she nailed. The makeup she gave me was almost what I wanted but a little drag-esque. I had her tame the make up down a bit, so it was still smokey, but not over the top.
One the wedding day, my hair was gorgeous and so was my makeup. She really upset me on my wedding day, because she took way too much time. (Another story. Lol). What is important is doing a trial run, refrain from using judgment in your opinion (I looked plain. I looked like a whore. lol) I would like to try a different color palette. This is the color I use in my every day routine. instead of pinks can we try browns. etc. It might take a few tries to get it right, but, as a long time hairdresser of yours, how you look on your wedding day is important to her. 2 months is plenty of time.

Haha, I am definitely glad I didn't say anything to her right away because stuff like this is definitely what I was thinking. "This makeup is boring; I look like i'm getting ready for church/work/the grocery store!"

themuffinman16 · August 2014

Also liquid liner creates a much darker lash line. I use Mac waterproof liquid last eyeliner. Nuclear warfare does not take this eyeliner off. In fact, after my MUA used it, she switched to this eyeliner, because the next day, where she tried it out, it was still on her hand, and she washes her hands several times a day.

Black eyeliner would bring out your eyes more, I find it looks the nicest on blondes and redheads. BTW LOVE your hair color. I would die for your hair color. Also, like other PP said, go with some false eyelashes. It makes all the difference in the world with photos

ashley8918 · August 2014

@themuffinman16 I will definitely try that! She had suggested no black liner because it can make my eyes look smaller, but I ALWAYS wear black liner. That is probably part of the reason that I hated this look so much. It doesn't look like me.

I am finally learning to love my hair color. In high school and my early 20s, I wanted nothing more than to cover up the red. But red is persistent as hell, and refuses to be covered. So, about 8 months ago, I chopped over a foot of hair off (And it's already back to almost mid-back!) and stopped coloring. Now I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner, because I love it!

themuffinman16 · August 2014

My hair is blonde and my hairdresser suggested no black liner, for the same reason. I had her give me wing tipped eyeliner, and it definitely extends your eyes. I looked like myself, because that is how I wear my makeup. And that is the most important way to look on your wedding. You should look like an enhanced version of you. You are gorgeous.

ashley8918 · August 2014

You know, I always laugh when a snowflake posts about what mean-spirited bitches the ladies on TK are. It's funny, because I think you all are the nicest group of people that I "know". I have never had so many people tell me that I'm beautiful in my life.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Sounds like PPs have it covered but I wanted to add - false lashes or not, I always add my own mascara after having pro makeup done. I think it just requires your own touch. They never seem to really get up in my lashes as much as they need to, maybe too skittish about stabbing me in the eye? Always give yourself another coat.

And - you're gorgeous!

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