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Reception Dilemma

ml0929ml0929 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Reception Forum
So I am getting married at a local church and then using a local facility (essentially the fellowship hall for several churches) nearby for my reception. As my wedding is around Christmas it so happens that my fiancés family is having a church dinner the next night at the same location. My future MIL asked if I would mind leaving the decorations up until after the party the next night. My fiancé stated they would clean up afterwards. However now they are saying they shouldn't have to clean since it's the brides families responsibility to clean up. I was aware my family was supposed to clean by etiquette and had made arrangements to have everything cleaned up by the next morning. However, the people who could clean Saturday night cannot clean up Sunday. I feel like the burden of cleaning shouldn't fall on me and my family after his family uses everything the next day. They not only want us to clean up all the food and such the night of the wedding but then return the next day and remove everything they dirtied and all the decorations. Any advice how to handle this? I want to have a good relationship with my fiancés family but I also do not want to be taken advantage of.
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Re: Reception Dilemma

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    ml0929 said:
    So I am getting married at a local church and then using a local facility (essentially the fellowship hall for several churches) nearby for my reception. As my wedding is around Christmas it so happens that my fiancés family is having a church dinner the next night at the same location. My future MIL asked if I would mind leaving the decorations up until after the party the next night. My fiancé stated they would clean up afterwards. However now they are saying they shouldn't have to clean since it's the brides families responsibility to clean up. I was aware my family was supposed to clean by etiquette and had made arrangements to have everything cleaned up by the next morning. However, the people who could clean Saturday night cannot clean up Sunday. I feel like the burden of cleaning shouldn't fall on me and my family after his family uses everything the next day. They not only want us to clean up all the food and such the night of the wedding but then return the next day and remove everything they dirtied and all the decorations. Any advice how to handle this? I want to have a good relationship with my fiancés family but I also do not want to be taken advantage of.
    Where on earth did you hear that it is your family's obligation to clean up?  That's absurd.  It is your (and your FI's) job to clean up or pay your venue to do it.  Expecting your family to do it is poor etiquette.

    If you are unable to clean the next day, tell his family so.  They can either clean up after themselves or decorate for their own party.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd tell them no and take the decorations with you. They seem to be basing their idea that your family should do all the cleaning up based on your FMIL's asking you to leave up the decorations. They should clean up after their own dinner. So I'd tell them, "I'm sorry, but it's not my family's responsibility to clean up after a dinner they are not participating in. This is a firm decision. If you aren't willing to clean up yourselves, then please hire someone to do it and purchase your own decorations for the dinner as mine will be coming home with me after the wedding."
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    They have two options:

    1) Use your decorations and clean up after themselves.
    2) Don't use your decorations and clean up after themselves.

    Once they decided to have a party the next night, the clean-up job changed from "post-wedding" to "post-party", meaning it's their responsibility.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ml0929 said:
    So I am getting married at a local church and then using a local facility (essentially the fellowship hall for several churches) nearby for my reception. As my wedding is around Christmas it so happens that my fiancés family is having a church dinner the next night at the same location. My future MIL asked if I would mind leaving the decorations up until after the party the next night. My fiancé stated they would clean up afterwards. However now they are saying they shouldn't have to clean since it's the brides families responsibility to clean up. I was aware my family was supposed to clean by etiquette and had made arrangements to have everything cleaned up by the next morning. However, the people who could clean Saturday night cannot clean up Sunday. I feel like the burden of cleaning shouldn't fall on me and my family after his family uses everything the next day. They not only want us to clean up all the food and such the night of the wedding but then return the next day and remove everything they dirtied and all the decorations. Any advice how to handle this? I want to have a good relationship with my fiancés family but I also do not want to be taken advantage of.
    I'm sorry, but what?  Where the heck did you get that from because that is not true.

    If your FI family wants to use your wedding decorations for their dinner the next day then they can get off their lazy asses and clean it up themselves.

    Honestly, I would tell them that you are sorry but you already made arrangements to have the hall cleaned Saturday night and will not be able to leave the decorations.  Let them get their own decorations.

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  • ml0929ml0929 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thank y'all very much! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong in expecting them to clean up even if they were using my decorations.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    It is your responsibility (as in you and your H) to clean up. Please don't pawn this off on someone else, this happened to me and I'm still pissed about it. The couple left everything in shambles and hurried off to the Bahamas the next day leaving everything to us. 

    That said, tell FMIL they are welcome to use your decorations. You will leave boxes in a back room and she can drop them off at your home any time. 
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    ml0929 said:
    So I am getting married at a local church and then using a local facility (essentially the fellowship hall for several churches) nearby for my reception. As my wedding is around Christmas it so happens that my fiancés family is having a church dinner the next night at the same location. My future MIL asked if I would mind leaving the decorations up until after the party the next night. My fiancé stated they would clean up afterwards. However now they are saying they shouldn't have to clean since it's the brides families responsibility to clean up. I was aware my family was supposed to clean by etiquette and had made arrangements to have everything cleaned up by the next morning. However, the people who could clean Saturday night cannot clean up Sunday. I feel like the burden of cleaning shouldn't fall on me and my family after his family uses everything the next day. They not only want us to clean up all the food and such the night of the wedding but then return the next day and remove everything they dirtied and all the decorations. Any advice how to handle this? I want to have a good relationship with my fiancés family but I also do not want to be taken advantage of.
    etiquette dictates YOU and your HUSBAND (not your family, bridal party, friends,etc) Clean up after your own wedding. IF you don't want to be "sweeping" in your bridal gown, hire people
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    wrigleyville said:

    They have two options:


    1) Use your decorations and clean up after themselves.
    2) Don't use your decorations and clean up after themselves.

    Once they decided to have a party the next night, the clean-up job changed from "post-wedding" to "post-party", meaning it's their responsibility.
    Exactly this. And if your fmil puts up a stink, have your FI deal with her.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    AND if you do let them use your decorations, make sure you have written in your contract with the venue that the decorations stay and become her problem.  Otherwise if she leaves them, venue may not know who to charge cleaning fee to, and could end up being you.

    But I vote telling her no if she isn't willing to take on the clean up.  That's just bitchy.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    indianaalum said:
    ml0929 said:
    So I am getting married at a local church and then using a local facility (essentially the fellowship hall for several churches) nearby for my reception. As my wedding is around Christmas it so happens that my fiancés family is having a church dinner the next night at the same location. My future MIL asked if I would mind leaving the decorations up until after the party the next night. My fiancé stated they would clean up afterwards. However now they are saying they shouldn't have to clean since it's the brides families responsibility to clean up. I was aware my family was supposed to clean by etiquette and had made arrangements to have everything cleaned up by the next morning. However, the people who could clean Saturday night cannot clean up Sunday. I feel like the burden of cleaning shouldn't fall on me and my family after his family uses everything the next day. They not only want us to clean up all the food and such the night of the wedding but then return the next day and remove everything they dirtied and all the decorations. Any advice how to handle this? I want to have a good relationship with my fiancés family but I also do not want to be taken advantage of.
    etiquette dictates YOU and your HUSBAND (not your family, bridal party, friends,etc) Clean up after your own wedding. IF you don't want to be "sweeping" in your bridal gown, hire people
    But the wedding itself is not the situation the OP is asking about.  The ILs want her family to do all the cleaning up after their party, not the wedding, even though they want to use the OP's decorations.  The family isn't invited to the IL's party.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Yes, they're asking that the bride's family hold off on their "cleaning duties" for an extra 24 hours.
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