Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Moms and Maids
themosthappy91
member
FMIL B-Listing Vent
Not really a question, just a vent... FMIL is suuuuuuper unhappy that we won't "B-list" some additional guests since we've recently found out a few of our invited guests won't be attending. To be fair, we haven't actually sent out invites yet, we just had three different couples happen to mention to FMIL they wouldn't be able to make it... and so, after much drama even getting her to come around on our smaller guest list in the first place, she obviously calls us up and has several people she wants to invite in light of this new information. I don't know if this really technically constitutes B-listing since all of this is taking place before invitations have been mailed, but to me it's B-listing in spirit and best and at worst a really dumb idea because the couples who are planning on not coming right now are perfectly within their rights to still change their minds when they do get their invites!
But anyway, FMIL is now crying to FI, complaining that "we're not the ones who are going to have to deal with the awkwardness" of not inviting said guests that she suddenly wants to invite, and just being generally difficult and manipulative. FI is standing firm, but I can tell it's hard on him when his mom is literally on the phone crying over this.
Sidenote: my parents very generously offered to pay for the entirety of our wedding as long as we kept it below a certain number of guests, which was actually a way bigger number than what FI and I came up with when we made our initial guest list of who we felt we must include. Cut to today and we are at nearly double the number that FI and I came up with, and also significantly over the number initially specified by my parents (though not so much so that they didn't still insist they would be able to cover it). The thing that annoys the begeezus out of me is that FILs have constantly tried to add more guests based on the logic that "they'll cover the plate" for every additional person they want to invite. Am I the only one that thinks this is SO RUDE? For one thing, the cost of a guest is significantly more than the cost of their plate, and for another thing, even if they were completely covering the entire cost of adding that guest, I just find it to be in bad taste to divide up paying for a wedding this way (as in, basically we'll just pay for the people we want to be there). Maybe that part is just me. UGH. Vent over.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FMIL B-Listing Vent
Ditto PPs. Give your FI some lines to tell his mom when she starts crying about the guest list again. Also, encourage him to hang up when she starts talking about the guest list and your FI has had enough. "Mom, the guest list to our wedding has been closed and will not be altered any further. I love you and I'm sorry that you don't agree with the guest list, but its the guest list that FI and I want. Goodbye." Then hang up the phone or leave the room. She will soon come to realize that trying to talk about the guest list will get her no where.
Yes, so sorry if this was unclear- I meant cover the cost of their dinner, i.e. cover their (dinner) plate. Which is like, $50 tops... no mention of covering the cost of their open bar, extra capacity for the venue, favors etc. Ughhhhh.
Here's my question- she says these guests that she wants to add (extended family and distant family friends) will simply NOT understand the concept of us having a small wedding- FI is in his second year of dental school and I am a first year teacher so to me if I were looking at anyone else in our situation I would be surprised if they were doing anything but a small wedding! Maybe she's right and people really do feel more entitled to an invitation than I realize... but that's still not my problem.
My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding on our own. We are sending out 140 invitations with the 75% rule in mind which puts us at approximately 105. Then our wedding party is 25, so we want to keep things around 130. We said that upfront, no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. My FMIL freaked out because she alone has 45 first cousins. (I mean what?!? That's just insane, and my fiancé hasn't even met all of them, much less their children, or their children's children.) So the breakdown we gave her for invites was 80 for fiancé's family and family friends, 20 for my family and family friends, and 40 for our mutual friends which equals 140 invited - hopefully 105ish "yes"replies. THAT'S IT! If she wants to throw a few grand into the budget, I'd considering upping the guest list to 150 total, but I have extreme anxiety and panic disorder. I don't want to be meeting people for the first time on my wedding day! And I say a few grand because that changes the size of tent we need to rent, the size of the cake, the bar tab, the rentals for chairs, tables, linens, more centerpieces, more favors, more plates and silverware either bought or rented - we haven't decided yet, larger dance floor, more invitations... the list goes ON AND ON. It isn't simply the cost of adding an extra number to the catering count.
She has decided she is going to throw a "second reception" and invite whoever she wants because we are being so offensive by not inviting EVERYONE on her list. So we said go for it. Plan your own party. We will be there. It isn't worth the fight.
It is your wedding and since your family is paying, the guest list is ultimately only up to you, fiancé, and your parents. She gets her allotted amount of people, and that's that. Maybe I sound bitter, but I think OP fully understands my saltiness. Weddings bring out all the crazy! Good luck!
ETF: broken boxes
This could backfire horribly. I hope you can fit those extras in your venue and afford them all if you get 80, 90, or 100% attendance. It's happened to brides before.
We had a 96% attendance at our wedding so if we had planned according to the 75% rule we would have been fucked!