Am I over reacting?

Knottie17325658 · August 2014

My sisters wedding is Nov 2015, and I am truly excited for her. Now two things she asked me if I can guarantee my appearance for that day. So I told her

" I will do everything I can to make it there, I will let my boss know and take some days off to make sure work is not a problem."

Then she ask again "but can you guarantee you will be there? I know life throw curve balls but I want to know if you can guarantee."

So I told her again "I will do everything I can to make sure nothing happens but I cant flat out guarantee it."

Then she ask "well if you cant make it will you promise not to touch the saving for the wedding?"

Im like what? she insite that if I cant make I don't touch the money I saved to go see her so now yes im a lil frustrated and I tell her "if something happen that made me not be able to go its more then likely a financial problem."

so she said "so you cant guarantee you will come. I need to know."

so I tell her again "I will do everything I can if something happens I will keep you posted like I always do." BTW we live in two different states.

Im assuming she wants me to guarantee it because of her last engagement I was suppose to go up there, but she broke it off and one day she asked me if I could visit her . I told her "I have no money" and she asked me bout the savings and I told her I had to use.

she then went off on me saying "well if I was still getting married you wouldn't show up then?" and I told her "if you were still getting married I would of found another way if it was possible but you weren't so I used the money to help myself and my kids to survive."

So ok we some how drop that topic but pretty much the next day she start asking what my dress size is, so ok no big deal but I cant give her a size as Im currently pregnant ( 13 weeks) and Ill be delivering end of feb 2015. I don't know what size I will be by nov and she getting mad at me. Saying she wants to get the dress now she needs to know the size, so now Im try explaining "I honestly don't know what my size will be I don't want to give you a size to only find out when I get there it wont fit im pregnant remember"

but she got mad insisting for a dress size, so I said "ok look im currently M 8-10 somewhere around there if it don't fit ill try and resize it" and she seemed surprised and say "you can resize a dress?"

I was like yeah people resize their wedding dress all the time but she didn't like the idea because we wouldn't have time. Or at least that's what she made it sound like she was upset about the time frame.

But now I know its her wedding (not her first) and she wants it perfect im supposed be her MOH and well she already has a replacement if I don't show up now if I do show up (in her words) then she will have two MOH.

Ok so if you have back plans why are you making it hard on me? im doing everything I can to save for her wedding and survive. im in a very difficult financial situation and I want to be there because she is my twin she is my best friend and I keep telling her I will do everything I can. I will try to bring everyone all my kids our mom and my fiancée but we have to do a road trip take work off (both my fiancée and I) then have to rent a room and go back down its not cheap but we are trying really really hard.

so am I over reacting or is this normal are you suppose tell your guest to guarantee there presence? or force them to tell you your dress size so early in the preparation? I kinda feel like im the bad guy but I always feel like im the bad guy...

EDIT: I really hope this is better I honestly am horrible with grammar and paraghe and well proper English

jenajjthr · August 2014

I really really try not to be the grammar police, because in the grand scheme of things its not that big of deal. But holy wall of text, run on sentences, and lack of proper grammar. It is very very difficult to understand what you are talking about. I had to force myself to keep reading. Please, next time use sentences and paragraphs.

From what I get: Your sisters wedding is over a year away, your are 3 months pregnant, she wants to order your BM dress now, so wants to order your dress now even though you won't know your size, insists on your guarenteed presence, insists on you not touching the savings if you can't come, generally being a PITA, and you want to know if you are over reacting if you are telling her that you can't give her a size, guarentee your presence, or touch your savings if you can't come.

No you are not over reacting. She is asking too much, too soon.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Nope, sounds like she's being a demanding bitch.

Inkdancer · August 2014

After her first engagement ended, I can understand why your sister would be stressed about this wedding. But she needs to take a great big chill pill.

Be gentle but firm with her. Remind her that her new fiance loves her very much and things are going to be great. Tell her you love her and are excited to be with her during this time, and only an incredible emergency would keep you away. Order your dress one size up. You will have plenty of time to take it in between Feb and Nov. Hug her, and then get on with your own stuff because she is not the center of the universe.

jynxiie · August 2014

I'm confused about the savings...
Do you guys share an account... or is she telling you how to spend your own money?

blabla89 · August 2014

I'm sorry your sister is putting you in such a difficult situation. I can see why she is stressed out about her wedding, but it sounds like she is being way too demanding toward you. I don't think you're overreacting - it sounds like she is being unreasonable.

First of all, it sounds like she needs a gentle reminder that you don't tell her how to spend her money, and you would appreciate the same courtesy from her.

Knottie17325658 · August 2014

I'm sorry bout the grammar and lack of paragraph I tend to forget to use them. Truth be told some times I don't know if I am using the proper grammar, I'm slightly embarrassed.

No we do not share an account, we both have our own separate accounts. So yes she is basically telling me how to use my money.

Knottie17325658 · August 2014

Though thank you I will keep being supportive yet firm, I do understand where is coming from, slightly, and that's honestly why I thought I was over reacting.

huskypuppy14 · August 2014

Your sister is not getting married for 15 months. There is no reason she needs to order dresses now.

She needs to tell you the designer and style and you can get the dress yourself. Honestly people, do not micromanage your bridesmaids!

She absolutely should not be telling you how to spend your money. You are not overreacting.

RebeccaB88 · August 2014

I couldn't read the whole thing either, but what I got about the dress thing is that she wants you to order it in November, when you're really pregnant, for a wedding next year when you won't be pregnant anymore. Is that correct? If so, that just plain won't work and she needs to suck it up and deal with it. You need to find out the latest possible date you can order the dress and see if you have a better idea of your size at that time.

I don't understand anything else. OP, maybe you can go back and edit your post, add some paragraphs and clean it up a bit? We really want to help, but we need to understand what you need help with.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

Knottie17325658 said:

My sisters wedding is Nov 2015, and I am truly excited for her. Now two things she asked me if I can guarantee my appearance for that day. So I told her
" I will do everything I can to make it there, I will let my boss know and take some days off to make sure work is not a problem."
Then she ask again "but can you guarantee you will be there? I know life throw curve balls but I want to know if you can guarantee."
So I told her again "I will do everything I can to make sure nothing happens but I cant flat out guarantee it."
Then she ask "well if you cant make it will you promise not to touch the saving for the wedding?"
Im like what? she insite that if I cant make I don't touch the money I saved to go see her so now yes im a lil frustrated and I tell her "if something happen that made me not be able to go its more then likely a financial problem."
so she said "so you cant guarantee you will come. I need to know."
so I tell her again "I will do everything I can if something happens I will keep you posted like I always do." BTW we live in two different states.
Im assuming she wants me to guarantee it because of her last engagement I was suppose to go up there, but she broke it off and one day she asked me if I could visit her . I told her "I have no money" and she asked me bout the savings and I told her I had to use.
she then went off on me saying "well if I was still getting married you wouldn't show up then?" and I told her "if you were still getting married I would of found another way if it was possible but you weren't so I used the money to help myself and my kids to survive."
So ok we some how drop that topic but pretty much the next day she start asking what my dress size is, so ok no big deal but I cant give her a size as Im currently pregnant ( 13 weeks) and Ill be delivering end of feb 2015. I don't know what size I will be by nov and she getting mad at me. Saying she wants to get the dress now she needs to know the size, so now Im try explaining "I honestly don't know what my size will be I don't want to give you a size to only find out when I get there it wont fit im pregnant remember"
but she got mad insisting for a dress size, so I said "ok look im currently M 8-10 somewhere around there if it don't fit ill try and resize it" and she seemed surprised and say "you can resize a dress?"
I was like yeah people resize their wedding dress all the time but she didn't like the idea because we wouldn't have time. Or at least that's what she made it sound like she was upset about the time frame.
But now I know its her wedding (not her first) and she wants it perfect im supposed be her MOH and well she already has a replacement if I don't show up now if I do show up (in her words) then she will have two MOH.
Ok so if you have back plans why are you making it hard on me? im doing everything I can to save for her wedding and survive. im in a very difficult financial situation and I want to be there because she is my twin she is my best friend and I keep telling her I will do everything I can. I will try to bring everyone all my kids our mom and my fiancée but we have to do a road trip take work off (both my fiancée and I) then have to rent a room and go back down its not cheap but we are trying really really hard.
so am I over reacting or is this normal are you suppose tell your guest to guarantee there presence? or force them to tell you your dress size so early in the preparation? I kinda feel like im the bad guy but I always feel like im the bad guy...

EDIT: I really hope this is better I honestly am horrible with grammar and paraghe and well proper English

You need to tell your sister to chill out. You can't imagine what size you will be by next Nov. Tell her you were on the Knot and it says to not order BM dresses until 6 months before the wedding. Maybe that will calm her down to start.

She also needs to be shut down when she starts talking about your savings account. Tell her that your money is your business and you will no longer talk to you about your savings. Just keep telling her that it's priority to attend her wedding, so you will be doing everything possible.

If she truly won't back down on the dress or anything else, then I would tell her you can't take all of this pressure (esp while you are pregnant!) and back out of the wedding. Tell her you will be happy to attend as a guest.

Senecaf · August 2014

Sorry OP, your sister sounds . She is asking you for commitments one seriously cannot make so far in advance. Does she have kids? She has to know you will not know your size now.

As far as guaranteeing your attendance that too is not possible. You told her you will do everything possible to be there. What more can you do?

Knottie17325658 · August 2014

yes she does have kids but she lost the weight so fast and unfortuantly not in the good way of loosing it. She tends to forget that I took almost 1 11/2 to loose most of my extra weight.

Reason why I was very "pushy" on telling her I do not know my size for then, and Id give her the best answer when we got a little closer to the day. Especially after the baby is born I could give a better answer.

lc07 · August 2014

Your sister sounds nutso.

SammiNJonni · August 2014

Your sister needs a chill pill. It is over a year away of course a pregnant lady will not know her size.

steph861 · August 2014

I can't believe she's basically telling you that her wedding is more important than feeding your children. Telling you how to spend your money is offside under any circumstances, but it's even worse when kids are involved.

Your sister is being rude, unreasonable, and selfish.

AddieCake · August 2014

Your sister needs a margarita.

decembergrl2014 · August 2014

No, you are definitely not overreacting. She is! She has plenty of time to get everything done without pressuring you.

Am I over reacting?

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