Wedding Etiquette Forum

do I even touch this etiquette catastrophe?

Hi guys. First of all ... THANK YOU so much for telling me to shut up and go to my shower (see my Canceling Bridal Shower thread)! It was lovely and definitely the right thing to do. My family was so sweet and everyone was so kind.

It was perfect, save one thing. Which brings me here again. At the very end of the shower, FMILs bff, who is also the best mans mom, says to me that she wishes his family had been able to have a second shower for me but that there wasn't a good way to do it with me living far away. I smiled and said one was fantastic and I was so happy. Then she announces that since I am out of town his family has decided to have a "grooms shower" for FI. This shower is a surprise and I was told not to tell him under any circumstance.

This shower is a disaster. They are basically doing it to invite tons of FIs parents friends who didn't make the guest list, plus parents of the other groomsmen (also not invited). She said they put on the invitations (already sent out) to bring "either a registry gift or husband gift." Like grilling stuff, etc.

My heart stopped. I couldn't really contain my horror. I said "I'm not really comfortable with inviting people who
We arent inviting to the wedding to any pre wedding parties. I don't want to offend anyone, and I definitely don't want to ask for gifts." This woman literally laughs at me and tells me that they are church friends who will understand. Omg.

I. Was. Livid. For one thing, FMIL has tried multiple times to throw us an engagement party to invite tons of non wedding guests, which I've repeatedly declined and given her specific reasoning. I just feel super like she went behind my back with her bff and planned this when she knew I would not be OK with it. And now I'm not allowed to tell FI (although I'm tempted to say screw that) and this horrible gift grabby party is being throw in the name of our wedding. And the invitations were out before I even knew.

I don't know what to do. If I tell FI, FMIL will be furious. She is doing tons of kind things for the wedding, like altering my dress for free. I feel like it will seem very ungracious to go against her wishes. FI would back me up, but I'm not sure it's worth the damage it will do to my relationship with his family. And this shower is like, next week. They've bought food and made tons of plans.

I'm. So. Mad. HELP!

Re: do I even touch this etiquette catastrophe?

  • I'm with JC on this. It's a surprise so it's not FIs fault etiquette wise, you've voiced your dissent, and ultimately they will be the ones who look bad, not you and FI.

    Unless this is something that you think will make your FI upset. Then that may change my advice.
  • The scenario is unfortunate, but it's not your doing. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
  • It's not your fault or your problem. I agree with JC.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • JC put it perfectly.  The drama of cancelling at this point seems like far more trouble than letting it happen.

    I would absolutely tell FI about it. 




    image
  • With PPs here, let it go. Not worth the drama and since you are not hosing and FI is attending a surprise party in his honor it should reflect poorly on you.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards