Wedding Etiquette Forum

Yet another +1 question

When FI and I had some unexpected changes in our budget, we cut down the guest list by agreeing that we would only invite family members we see at least once every couple years. It seemed like the most logical way to prioritize. By this criteria, we will invite my great aunt, because I've always been close with her and see her several times a year. We had not planned to invite her children or grandchildren (my second and third cousins), because I don't have a relationship with them and only see them every 3-4 years.

Then this weekend, my brother visited with our aunt and told me that she had mentioned that she wanted to bring one of her daughters, I guess to have a traveling companion. I understand that, and we could accommodate one additional person. The problem is, we invite one of her children and not the rest then there will be hurt feelings...but inviting all of her children and their spouses adds an additional 7 people, and then they would want to bring their kids. We just don't have space for that many more people.

So the solution we arrived at is to give my aunt a +1 and let her decide who to bring. Would this be okay? Or is it a bad idea? She's a Miss Manners enthusiast so I need you ladies to check me if this isn't etiquette-approved.
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Re: Yet another +1 question

  • Are all of children married? If so, maybe you can invite her with a plus two? Or, just call and ask. Alternatively maybe you can see how much a car service would be (I'm assuming she is local, but doesn't drive) and offer to have her transportation taken care of.
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  • Are all of children married? If so, maybe you can invite her with a plus two? Or, just call and ask. Alternatively maybe you can see how much a car service would be (I'm assuming she is local, but doesn't drive) and offer to have her transportation taken care of.
    If she's inviting someone with a guest, that guest's SO doesn't need to be invited I thought.
    She has one adult daughter who is single, and I assumed that's who she would bring - but doing it as a +1 gets me out of the dilemma of only inviting one sibling. My aunt isn't local, but she travels alone frequently (including several trips abroad each year), so I was surprised to hear that it was an issue at all.
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  • You're totally fine. My fiance and I are probably going to do this for his great aunt as well. 
  • Yes, the plus one would make her the person who would have to choose which of her children to bring. It's actually a very tidy solution that is still etiquette approved.
  • I invited my great aunt, who is like a third grandmother to me, to my wedding but did not invite her children.  She was 101 at the time and could not travel to the wedding by herself.  I essentially gave her a personalized plus one.  Rather than address the invitation to Great Aunt and Guest, I addressed it to Great Aunt and included a personal note saying that she was welcome to bring whomever she chose to help take care of her that day.  I did this in part because I wasn't sure if she would want to bring one of her children, her granddaughter who is a nurse, or her home health aid. 

    In the end, she decided it was too far to travel and did not come at all.  But she was very happy to know that she could have brought whoever she felt most comfortable bringing.
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