Thank You notes are a lost art

levioosa · September 2014

I just have to vent a little bit about thank you notes. In the past three months I have been to three different events and have given gifts to which I have still have not received any sort of acknowledgment. The first was a wedding, the second a bridal shower, and the third was for a birthday party. I spent a good amount on the Bridal Shower and Wedding gifts and I put a lot of thought into them. The birthday party I attended was for an acquaint-friend (best friend of a friend of mine who I occasionally see when we go out) and I felt awkward showing up to a birthday party empty handed, so I brought a small gift card to a store she likes. Not even a thank you text acknowledging she received it.

I don't need gushing adoration, because I think a gift comes from the heart and they're not tit for tat, however, I would really appreciate knowing that they at least received the gifts (well, I know the Bride got hers at the Shower because I was there). Seriously, thank you notes are a lost art.

Note to Lurkers: Thank you notes DO matter. Two of these people were close friends of mine. I'm not ever going to say it to their face, but it really bothered me that they didn't even acknowledge their gifts and it did affect how I view them a little. They both know how hard I work to stay afloat, and I sacrificed a lot for those gifts. Regardless if the gift giver is well off or not, a thank you is always warranted.

NYCMercedes · September 2014

I agree with you! I entertained my cousin, his wife, and his two little ones for an activity and for dinner. I made goodie bags for all four to welcome them to the big city, spending about $100. Never a mention afterwards. I'm easy too, as an email would suffice. Seems to me they just took and ran. Ingrates!

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

I was just a MOH for a wedding this past May. I co-hosted the bachelorette party (and bought her lingerie for it), attended 2 showers (with gifts), and got them a wedding gift. I was happy to do it. NO thank you notes whatsoever, though. I'll keep this in mind whenever they have kids.

cupcait927 · September 2014

My shower was less than a week ago and it's giving me anxiety that I still haven't gotten my thank you cards finished and out the door. It's so, so important to show gratitude when someone takes time out of their day for you and spends their hard earned money on you (for all the lurkers out there)

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

People suck. I went to TWO baby showers for a woman I work with (one I was a guest, one I hosted) and bought gifts for both. No thank you note for either - not even the one I hosted. I silently flip her the bird on a regular basis.

simplyelise · September 2014

I felt horrible because it took me two weeks to get out thank yous for one of my showers. I'd gotten my wisdom teeth out in the middle of those two weeks and felt pretty crummy, but I still felt bad it took two weeks!

larrygaga · September 2014

I have ended close relationships over lack of thank you notes. If I am not properly appriciated, you don't need my friendship or my gifts.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

simplyelise said:

I felt horrible because it took me two weeks to get out thank yous for one of my showers. I'd gotten my wisdom teeth out in the middle of those two weeks and felt pretty crummy, but I still felt bad it took two weeks!

I would seriously not side-eye you for two weeks. Not one bit.

levioosa · September 2014

larrygaga said:

I have ended close relationships over lack of thank you notes. If I am not properly appriciated, you don't need my friendship or my gifts.

I love doing things for people. Part of that is giving gifts. I don't know why I get more upset about thank you notes for physical gifts versus doing/planning nice things, but I do. What upset me was three days after the shower I was texting the Bride and she told me how busy she was writing and getting her thank you cards out. I helped plan and execute the shower and I got her a nice gift, but I'm wondering if it's because I didn't fill out one of the envelopes with my address at the shower? Just hearing that she was in the process of sending them out and I never got one rubbed me the wrong way. I'll be honest, it has knocked her wedding gift down by about half. I'm still not cheaping out on her gift, but it's not going to be amazeballs like originally planned.

@cupcait927 and @simplyelise I think it's fine if it's within the 2-4 week range (especially if something happened like surgery), but after that I start to get miffed. I'll admit I was pretty bad at Thank You notes in high school, but I really try now to get them out the next day now.

@larrygaga it's definitely not helping our drifting friendship. I don't mind when my best friend doesn't write me thank you notes (although she usually does) because she is 100% always there for me and we are always doing things for each other and randomly writing each other letters of appreciation. That's totally fine. I also don't mind treating someone to dinner and getting no more than a "thank you!" But when it's a constant lack of appreciation (which usually is also translated into other aspects of the relationship), then I evaluate why I am friends with that person.

blabla89 · September 2014

When my cousins and I were around 10 years old, my great aunt (the Miss Manners enthusiast) gave each of us personalized stationery and explained its purpose. I think that might have been the best and most useful birthday gift I ever received, and I will definitely be doing that for my children/grandchildren/nieces and nephews.

A lost art indeed...

chibiyui · September 2014

I was not raised in a family that "did" thank you notes. If a gift was given in person, we said our thanks there, if sent, which was rare, we called. The only time I was told to do thank you notes was my high school graduation party, and I utterly failed to do them.

For my shower and wedding gifts though, I wrote and had them sent within a month after each event. Most were done by 2 weeks. I feel bad for never doing my HS thank yous, and am endeavoring to always send thank yous from now one, and just the occasional handwritten note. Since high school, I've received a few thank yous/notes, and they always make me smile. I want to make my friends and family smile. I will teach my kids to write thank you notes.

Thank You notes are a lost art

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