Bridesmaid question for an awkward situation!!

weezer364 · September 2014

My friend (more like acquaintance) is getting married in June and asked me to be in her wedding. We used to be very close but really aren’t anymore. I was surprised she asked me to be in the wedding and I felt bad saying no so naturally I said yes. I just got an e-mail saying we need to but our dress by November for the wedding in mid June. I planned on buying the dress late February as my Daughter’s first birthday is in Mid November, then Thanksgiving and Christmas (in short, a lot of expenses). I’m also in the process of losing weight and don’t want to pay a ton more money to alter a dress that could potentially be a dress size or 2 too big in 7 months.

I have no idea why we need to buy the dresses so early and don’t really know how to ask her if I could wait, as again we’re not really close like that. I’m married so I understand the stress of wedding planning and everything but isn’t 7 months out excessive? Do I have a right to say anything or do I just shut up and take the hit now? Any advice would be appreciated!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I would definitely ask if there is a reason why you need to buy it in this time frame, as in, is it going to stop being made? Or only available in rusty orange in the fall? If there is no good reason, tell her you'll be purchasing it in February or March so you can get the right size. If she kicks you out, you can get out of this wedding that you don't really want to be in anyway, and you can officially end this friendship.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

Do you really want to be in this wedding, or do you just feel obligated? You DO have every right to decline, especially if she's trying to be so irrationally demanding of your finances.

I would tell her that now isn't a good time to buy the dress, and if there are no extenuating circumstances requiring it to be purchased now, you'll wait until February. If she pushes back and says she just really wants this checked off her list, I'd probably just say "I'm sorry, then I can't be your bridesmaid."

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

Semi-related question: did the bride ask you for a budget first?

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

I mean, in my experience with some salons you do have to order dresses like 4-5 months in advance. David's Bridal and Alfred Angelo seem to be the exceptions.

But ordering dresses in November for a June 2015 wedding? I suspect they are being discontinued or the Bride is just really afraid that they will be discontinued.

That's still too far in advance, IMO. People can gain/loose weight, become pregnant, etc.

ctr24 · September 2014

Agree with PP but one counter is that you may all have to order at the same time. I've ordered a Bill Levkoff dress (which they said would take up to 4 months) and we had to order together to ensure the same dye lot.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

My wedding is in April we have to have them ordered latest by 1 Oct. Bill Levkoff they said due to customs is running 4-5 months out. If they get in by Jan that gives the girls a few months for alterations with it nearing prom season the places will get busy with appoitments to get them altered. AND if they are the same dress you cannot order them at different times the dye lot could be off that is why the bridal stores order them at the same time. SO if you are to order by Nov you usually only put half down and the final payment is due at the time you pick them up. Like everyone said you didn't have to say yes, and if you are that unsure I'd just respectfully back out. You'll feel like your dragging your feet about the whole thing the whole time. I'd just tell her you've over committed but you'd love to spend the day with her as a guest. I wouldn't mind if one of my girls told me that I wouldn't want them to feel like that had to at all!

weezer364 · September 2014

It's from David's bridal so there is no special ordering involved to my knowledge. It's kinda crazy because my wedding was low maintenance and super casual and with this wedding, the other bridesmaids are talking about getting prizes, planning games, and buying crazy things for the bachelorett party and I'm so out of my element. Unfortunately I don't have a spine so I don't think I'll back out but I will ask her if I can wait to get the dress. I appreciate all the advice. Thank you.

ctr24 · September 2014

flantastic thanks. sounded strange but didnt want to argue. good to know!

MandyMost · September 2014

I would pay money to see a competition of sorts where people brought in dresses of the same color that were made with different dye lots over the last, say, 5 years, and someone had to try to determine which ones were from the same dye lot and which ones were different.

Unless you are getting a dress from a very local, hand-made place where you actually know the people physically making your dress, dye mixing will all be completely computerized. There's no way in hell any major bridesmaids retailer is going to have perceivable differences in the dye lots. Back before there were computers, yes. Today? No.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

flantastic said:

ctr24 said:

Agree with PP but one counter is that you may all have to order at the same time. I've ordered a Bill Levkoff dress (which they said would take up to 4 months) and we had to order together to ensure the same dye lot.

Dye lots are not a real concern anymore and are mostly a sales tactic at this point.

Eh as someone who sews and does a lot with fabric I would argue this. I was just at lunch with a girl who was in a wedding she showed us a picture of the BM dress she was wearing and then a picture of the sample dress they tried on in the store. Same color VERY different look.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

If it's not a matter of it being discontinued, say this to the bride, "Hi Bride, unfortunately I won't be able to purchase the dress until after the holidays. I will have it in time for the wedding." She might push back. Oh well.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

RachelLee83 said:

flantastic said:

ctr24 said:

Agree with PP but one counter is that you may all have to order at the same time. I've ordered a Bill Levkoff dress (which they said would take up to 4 months) and we had to order together to ensure the same dye lot.

Dye lots are not a real concern anymore and are mostly a sales tactic at this point.

Eh as someone who sews and does a lot with fabric I would argue this. I was just at lunch with a girl who was in a wedding she showed us a picture of the BM dress she was wearing and then a picture of the sample dress they tried on in the store. Same color VERY different look.

I'd think this is because the sample has been heavily handled and possibly dirty or faded-- not because of the dye lot.

JBee85 · September 2014

weezer364 said:

It's from David's bridal so there is no special ordering involved to my knowledge. It's kinda crazy because my wedding was low maintenance and super casual and with this wedding, the other bridesmaids are talking about getting prizes, planning games, and buying crazy things for the bachelorett party and I'm so out of my element. Unfortunately I don't have a spine so I don't think I'll back out but I will ask her if I can wait to get the dress. I appreciate all the advice. Thank you.

My original wedding date was in June and I have my dresses ordered with Davids Bridal. At the most you will need a dress no later than March by them.

lc07 · September 2014

I bought a DB dress a little over 1 month before an upcoming Sept wedding. It's been sitting in my closet for what feels like ages.

lovesclimbing · September 2014

JCbride2015 said:

flantastic said:

ctr24 said:

Agree with PP but one counter is that you may all have to order at the same time. I've ordered a Bill Levkoff dress (which they said would take up to 4 months) and we had to order together to ensure the same dye lot.

Dye lots are not a real concern anymore and are mostly a sales tactic at this point.

Eh as someone who sews and does a lot with fabric I would argue this. I was just at lunch with a girl who was in a wedding she showed us a picture of the BM dress she was wearing and then a picture of the sample dress they tried on in the store. Same color VERY different look.

I'd think this is because the sample has been heavily handled and possibly dirty or faded-- not because of the dye lot.

Also, I'd say that could be due in part to pictures in different lighting.

My mom sewed my sisters' BM dresses. Some of the fabric was ordered and some was bought in a store. There was no difference at all that anyone could tell.

Annndreaaaaa · September 2014

I was told by a woman at David's Bridal that the "fall dresses" will be replaced in November. Maybe that's why she's asking you to have it by November. She knows that the dress she wants you to have might not be around after that. Just a possibility.

Nymeru · September 2014

It might sound unreasonable, but depending on where the dresses are from, there might be a reason for her sense of urgency.

We did end up ordering my BM's dresses about 5-6 months before the wedding, and I have to admit I was a little stressed out by the whole thing. I had been casing the JCrew website for a few months to see what they had. There was a dress that all of my BMs wanted, but only came in two colors (very meh) because all the other colors were sold out. Suddenly, everything was back in stock in the colors we liked, so we felt pressured to buy them right away because within a few days, all of the dresses in my BM's sizes were already back-ordered. My sister's dress, although ordered in January, was on back-order until June, just 3 weeks out from the wedding. Since almost everyone had to get their dresses tailored a bit, it wasn't fun not knowing if the dress would arrive in time. I read a bunch of reviews on the JCrew site (after we had ordered, naturally) where brides were complaining that the dresses didn't come until after their weddings had occurred.

It had never occurred to me that this could possibly be an issue. I figured at most buying the dresses 2-3 months before the wedding was all that was necessary. I guess it really depends on where you shop.

zitiqueen · September 2014

flantastic said:

ctr24 said:

Agree with PP but one counter is that you may all have to order at the same time. I've ordered a Bill Levkoff dress (which they said would take up to 4 months) and we had to order together to ensure the same dye lot.

Dye lots are not a real concern anymore and are mostly a sales tactic at this point.

Chinese New Year is another bullshit excuse bridal stores like to use to get you to part with your money faster.

Peaseblossom55 · September 2014

We went dress shopping for my BM dresses mid November for my June wedding. Most of the salons I called said I should have an order in by no later than mid December. The BM found a dress they loved from Jim Hjelm they the order was complete by early December and the dresses came in two weeks before the wedding. I was trying not to freak out and even told my BM worst case scenario, just wear your favorite LBD.

Bridesmaid question for an awkward situation!!

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