Confirming that head tables without bridal party dates is RUDE

melbenso · September 2014

When I was home visiting my family this past weekend, I met one of my bridesmaids and her boyfriend for a drink. The first thing her boyfriend did when he saw me was thank me for making sure he got to sit next to her and her son at the wedding reception. "You don't know how many times I've had to sit away from my date, and it's so awkward. Thank you for letting me sit with her, especially since I didn't know anyone else there." Made me even more happy that we decided to go with a King's Table.

thisismynickname2 · September 2014

Woo!

I think one of the more popular "defenses" of date-less head tables is the whole, "We want to sit with our nearest and dearest on our wedding day" argument. And the best counter-argument to that is, "You're spending your entire day with them (getting ready, photos, etc), so do you really need to eat with them at the expense of their loved ones too?"

Score one for the King's Table.

ninewest86 · September 2014

Agreed! I was once relegated to the 'girlfriends' table at a wedding my no FI was in. I was miserable, we hadn't been together that long at that point and I knew no one. To add insult to injury the BP was seated boy-girl so no one at the head table knew who they were sitting next to and the whole thing was so scheduled I never saw my then BF. I was questioning why I even came. We're doing a sweetheart/king table. I have gotten some weird looks from my mom who doesn't understand why it's uncomfortable for the dates, but she hasn't been to wedding in probably 20 years.

wrigleyville · September 2014

Yes, it's rude.

My H was in a wedding a while back, and between pictures, getting ready, the wedding, and dinner, I didn't see him until dancing started. I didn't know anyone there, so I ended up spending most of the day with a book. During dinner, I made awkward conversation with the members of my table and kept explaining that no, I was not single, that was my H up there *point toward table*.

Of course I can entertain myself, but it sucked. Big time.

jerkyanne · September 2014

My mom was in a wedding where she was at a head table and my step dad was at a random table. This was 25 years ago. He still holds it against this bride.

My mom told me this story when I told her I was having a sweetheart table and she said it was a great idea.

MairePoppy · September 2014

I nominate @melbenso for for the Bride of the Day award. She beat out the bride who won't let her FIL bring a date and the bride who wants the guests to bring their own centerpieces, by a long mile. And she has a great monogram - m & m

BMoreBride6 · September 2014

MairePoppy said:

I nominate @melbenso for for the Bride of the Day award. She beat out the bride who won't let her FIL bring a date and the bride who wants the guests to bring their own centerpieces, by a long mile. And she has a great monogram - m & m

WOAH, what??

ETA: NVM, I sadly just read it.

jynxiie · September 2014

My bridal party is SO HAPPY about this. It's insane though...

Pretty much everyone has told me I am doing it WRONG. My parents, grooms parents, aunts and even my parents friends. It's ridiculous.

Whatever though, I've told them why... They still don't understand. My bridal party is happy though and I am happy.

larrygaga · September 2014

Okay, at the last wedding I was in they didn't seat with dates. I said that every wedding I have ever been to they seated with dates, and the coordinator actually argued with me (a bridesmaid) and said that nobody ever does that and it looks bad in pictures. I was like....pictures are already taken when we sit down to eat....The bride wasn't there but insisted on having it that way, as well as the coordinator. The rest of the WP was NOT happy. I tried. My sister is dumb, what can I say? I sat with people I really like, so I was happy.

I think I want a sweetheart table because my wedding makes me crabby and not want to be around my family, lol.

msuprincess04 · September 2014

I asked the entire wedding party if there were any special requests for anything at the wedding. Things they liked or didn't like from their past experiences. One of my BM asked for a dress with straps, which was easy to accomodate since I didn't want strapless anyway. But my MOH asked to sit with her husband at the reception. Again, an easy request. We sat at round tables, with just the Matron of Honor, her hubby, the Best Man, his wife, and two empty chairs for anyone to come join, which people did throughout the night. It was lovely. This goes to show, even if they don't say it, your bridal party wants to sit with their dates!

melbenso · September 2014

And as an aside, I thought our King's Table looked great with the rest of the reception decor. It was set up in the middle of all of our round tables. No one was on display. No one at a round table had more than one table between them and us. Everyone got to sit with their families. Aside from dates, several members of our bridal party had children and IMO making someone sit away from their spouse and juggle several small children on their own is even ruder.

Our DOC was so excited when we decided to do the King's Table. When we met with her to plan the reception, one of the first things we told her was that we wanted to make sure that our wedding party got to sit with their families, but we would also like to sit with them if possible. She had been suggesting the King's Table to people since she started her job the year before and no one else took her up on the suggestion. She said the breakdown was usually about 80% head table (sometimes with BP dates, but usually not) and 20% sweetheart table.

JBee85 · September 2014

Ugh... I am going to a wedding this weekend and the bride and I head butted over me not being allowed to bring my fiancé to her RD. On the day of her wedding she expects me to show up at the salon at 8 am when the wedding doesn't start until 6 PM, and my fiancé and I are driving to the place together because we can't afford a hotel.

I have a BIG feeling she is going to do a head table and am dreading it. I am tempted to follow martha1818 idea if it happens.y fiancé won't know ANYONE at the wedding aside from me, one of the bridesmaids, and the B/G.

lyndausvi · September 2014

I have to say pictures has go to be the dumbest reason to have a HT. I've never seen a HT shot displayed. I can't really remember HT shots in anyone's album either. I have seen a shot of the couple at the table, but not the entire WP.

slothiegal · September 2014

melbenso said:

And as an aside, I thought our King's Table looked great with the rest of the reception decor. It was set up in the middle of all of our round tables. No one was on display. No one at a round table had more than one table between them and us. Everyone got to sit with their families. Aside from dates, several members of our bridal party had children and IMO making someone sit away from their spouse and juggle several small children on their own is even ruder.

Our DOC was so excited when we decided to do the King's Table. When we met with her to plan the reception, one of the first things we told her was that we wanted to make sure that our wedding party got to sit with their families, but we would also like to sit with them if possible. She had been suggesting the King's Table to people since she started her job the year before and no one else took her up on the suggestion. She said the breakdown was usually about 80% head table (sometimes with BP dates, but usually not) and 20% sweetheart table.

Throwing in another vote for a King's Table! We had our WP and their SOs sit at ours, and it was perfect--easy to see everyone and carry on a conversation, and no one was left out.

peachy13 · September 2014

One time I was at a wedding and one of the BM's dates sat at my table. He only knew his girlfriend (the BM), and the B&G. It made it especially awkward that he was rather grumpy and rude, probably due to his shunning from the head table, so he didn't really talk to anyone at the table and probably had a pretty bad time that night.

If you can't do a head table right, don't do one.

McCMal · September 2014

We had everyone up at our table, dates and all. It was nice, we didn't have a specific seating plan. The best man had a girlfriend who we invited to sit up at the head table with us, so she wouldn't be alone. (Although she neglected to do so, and spent dinner chatting with a girl who we did not invite to the wedding but showed up)

A wedding we were in two weeks afterward, groomsmen on one side, bridesmaids on the other. Some of us were couples, others had dates but we had to sit there until after dinner because we did the 'receiving line' sitting down, as we ate and as the line for food went behind us. We were literally eating in front of people who were in line to get food, and talking with them to boot. Hawkward.

ETA paragraphs

perdonami · September 2014

melbenso said:

When I was home visiting my family this past weekend, I met one of my bridesmaids and her boyfriend for a drink. The first thing her boyfriend did when he saw me was thank me for making sure he got to sit next to her and her son at the wedding reception. "You don't know how many times I've had to sit away from my date, and it's so awkward.

Something similar happened to me at my shower; my man of honor pulled me aside and asked me if his date will be sitting next to him at the bridal party table. He was worried that she wouldn't know anyone and asked me to do it as a favor. I explained that he will be sitting with us and his girlfriend. He again asked if it was okay, if I would be mad. I assured him it was fine and not to worry about it.

I didn't even know why he needed to double check with me, b/c of course she would be seated next to him. I don't know what kind of weddings he has been involved with, but it saddens me he needs to check to see if his SO will be sitting to next him.

melbenso · September 2014

perdonami said:
I didn't even know why he needed to double check with me, b/c of course she would be seated next to him. I don't know what kind of weddings he has been involved with, but it saddens me he needs to check to see if his SO will be sitting to next him.

Because most couples aren't so considerate to their guests. Of all the weddings I have been to in my life, I can only think of 2 or 3, including ours, that didn't have the head table with no bridal party dates at it. It's pretty ridiculous, considering how easy it is to give your guests that courtesy.

frenchiekin · September 2014

I was in my friend's wedding and she did the whole thing... head table, on a riser/stage, facing the rest of the tables, BMs on one side, GMs on the other. I had gently inquired about it before the wedding, and she said she was having a traditional wedding, so she wanted to keep with that tradition. We were a little younger then so I think it was also a factor of not really knowing the options having not been to many other weddings, and wanting to keep with what her parents thought of as "traditional." I kept my mouth shut like a good BM and my date sat with randoms.

Now I am planning my wedding and never even considered not seating my WP with their dates. In discussing wedding things with the above friend (who is now in MY wedding), I mentioned that we are deciding between a sweetheart or king's table so everyone can sit with their dates/SOs (she asked, I certainly would never have passive-aggressively offered that info on my own). To my shock, she admitted that she regrets having the HT and wishes she had broken some of the "rules" for her wedding to make everyone more comfortable. Win.

ETA - swear there were paragraphs...

blondeej · September 2014

I had never even heard of this until now. I sure wish more people around here would do it - I had to go to a wedding in October that my FI was a GM in and it was horrible. I knew only 2 people and they left early. Not to mention there was a THREE HOUR gap between the ceremony and reception! I felt bad for the out of town people. And then the wedding party didn't even get to the reception until 45 mins after it started.

If my reception and wedding party weren't so close knit I would make sure and be doing this for ours. But all the SO's of the people in the wedding party know half the people at our reception so there won't be anyone left out/alone.

blondeej · September 2014

They don't want to! I asked! lol ETA- it's also only 2 people.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

lyndausvi said:

I have to say pictures has go to be the dumbest reason to have a HT. I've never seen a HT shot displayed. I can't really remember HT shots in anyone's album either. I have seen a shot of the couple at the table, but not the entire WP.

Right?!

No one looks good eating, anyways. Why do you want pictures of everyone stuffing their faces?

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

melbenso said:

perdonami said:
I didn't even know why he needed to double check with me, b/c of course she would be seated next to him. I don't know what kind of weddings he has been involved with, but it saddens me he needs to check to see if his SO will be sitting to next him.

Because most couples aren't so considerate to their guests. Of all the weddings I have been to in my life, I can only think of 2 or 3, including ours, that didn't have the head table with no bridal party dates at it. It's pretty ridiculous, considering how easy it is to give your guests that courtesy.

Of all the weddings I have been in and to (~30) I have never seen a head table with WP dates, a kings table, or a sweetheart table. Everyone has done a head table for just the WP.

I have always thought it was stupid and awkward, and have always left asap to sit with my FI. The worst though was a wedding we both were in last year where there was a head table, but the men all sat to the groom's left and the women all sat to the bride's right, so even though FI and I were both in the WP and both at the head table we still couldn't eat dinner together, ugh.

Confirming that head tables without bridal party dates is RUDE

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