Our religion is causing issues already!

kata18 · September 2014

Long story short, my fiance and I are both Christians. He was raised in a very small, tight-knit church that sang their hymn's with no instruments, has Elders and follows The Old Testament as well as the New. I on the other hand grew up in a big, loud church where we used pretty much every instrument and piece of technology you could think of. My fiance is leaning towards having his minister of his church officiate, as he is like a second father to him and he's close to his son. The problem is, the officiate longer wants to be apart of this wedding due to me being baptized as a Lutheran when I was really little, because in the bible it says not to support non-Christian marriages. I feel upset and angry. I understand and respect their beliefs, but I'm also having a difficult time not being offended. Any advice? Should we find a new officiate?

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Your Fi's pastor sounds like an ass. Lutherans are Christians. Get a new officiant who won't stomp all over your religious beliefs.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

kata18 said:
Long story short, my fiance and I are both Christians. He was raised in a very small, tight-knit church that sang their hymn's with no instruments, has Elders and follows The Old Testament as well as the New. I on the other hand grew up in a big, loud church where we used pretty much every instrument and piece of technology you could think of. My fiance is leaning towards having his minister of his church officiate, as he is like a second father to him and he's close to his son. The problem is, the officiate longer wants to be apart of this wedding due to me being baptized as a Lutheran when I was really little, because in the bible it says not to support non-Christian marriages. I feel upset and angry. I understand and respect their beliefs, but I'm also having a difficult time not being offended. Any advice? Should we find a new officiate?

Viczaesar · September 2014

He thinks Lutherans aren't Christians?

kata18 · September 2014

I think its more the idea of how (according to them) the bible says being baptized is by being submerged in water, not the way I was, which was oil on my head.

pegasuskat · September 2014

Are you still Lutheran? I'm Baptist, not Lutheran but I have studied different religions somewhat. I thought although Lutheran's do baptize their babies they also believe in water baptism after being saved? Have you actually been saved? This may be why he isn't considering you Christian....

I'm not sure if that is what the problem is. I'm southern Baptist, which is pretty conservative but our preacher would marry a couple if one member wasn't Christian, but he would council about being unyoked and all the problems that could cause. I loved our music though, drums and all, so I think his church would drive me crazy!

I would talk to his minister more, and if he is truely just being judgmental I would move on to someone else.

mrsconn23 · September 2014

OK, so the pastor is a whackadoodle. That's been covered.

Since he refuses to marry you, are you going to move on to someone else? What does your FI say? Is he adamant that this guy marry you even though he's been a disrespectful ass? Has your FI tried to talk to the pastor? Is your FI asking you to convert to his religion or something?

If it were me, I'd be moving on from this guy. If your FI still presses the issue, you have a FI issue, not a pastor problem.

MNNEBride · September 2014

Lutherans are definitely Christians. However, it sounds like your FI's pastor doesn't recognize your baptism because it was as an infant rather than a believer's baptism as an adult.

In addition to deciding on an officiant that BOTH of you agree on, you need to figure out the religion thing as a couple. Will your FI continue in his church and you in yours? I have a feeling this is not going to be the expectation of his church and they will expect you to convert to their practices and beliefs. Is that ok for you?

GBCK · September 2014

Somoene can be a second father and still be a complete asshole.

(Someone can be a 'real' father and be an asshole, so surely one step removed can be).

So, the big question is, is your FI recognizing that this guy is being an overbearing, unchristian jackass? Or is he willing to ignore that in favor of keeping the church-family at peace?

(Because this isn't going to be the only time that someone from a fundie-esque background is going to have issues with other shades of religion. Been there, done that)

emmyg65 · September 2014

GBCK said:

Somoene can be a second father and still be a complete asshole.
(Someone can be a 'real' father and be an asshole, so surely one step removed can be).

So, the big question is, is your FI recognizing that this guy is being an overbearing, unchristian jackass? Or is he willing to ignore that in favor of keeping the church-family at peace?
(Because this isn't going to be the only time that someone from a fundie-esque background is going to have issues with other shades of religion. Been there, done that)

This. The pastor is a jerk, but the big question here is how your FI handles that jerkitude. Sounds like you two need to sit down and talk about who will officiate your wedding.

*Barbie* · September 2014

I think you need to ask your FI if it's more important to have this man officiate his wedding, or if it's more important that your FI marry YOU - because it sounds like it's a choice he's going to need to make.

Have you discussed what you plan to do concerning any future children and their religious upbringing? If your FI is putting his church/minister before his relationship with you, I could see this continuing to cause problems in your relationship.

Possibly insensitive religious-ish question - is your FI's church in a strip mall? You're making his church sound a bit cultish, and that's how I always picture those strip mall churches. (I drive past at least 4 in my 12mi commute.)

mrsconn23 · September 2014

*Barbie* said:

Possibly insensitive religious-ish question - is your FI's church in a strip mall? You're making his church sound a bit cultish, and that's how I always picture those strip mall churches. (I drive past at least 4 in my 12mi commute.)

Only 4 in 12 mi? The heathens must be winning in your area.

*Barbie* · September 2014

*waves heathen banner*

I've been recruiting like crazy - looks like my efforts are paying off. Hooray!

mrs.conn23 said:
Only 4 in 12 mi? The heathens must be winning in your area.

mrsconn23 · September 2014

Be careful about waving that banner too much, they may run you out of the south.

short+sassy · September 2014

Though I understand why you and your FI are upset, there really isn't anything else to do except get another officiant.

For whatever reason, it is against your FI's pastor's beliefs to marry the two of you. Bizarre to all of us, but there ya go.

Like a lot of the other PP's, I am flabbergasted that he would say you are not a Christian because you are Lutheran. I had a serious WTF moment on that one.

Now I have to get my snark on. Does he have ANY theological education whatsover? Or did he just wake up one day and say I'm a pastor/reverend? Unfortunately, that kind of thing is done a lot in my area. I'd question if his basic childhood education went past the 6th grade, but I've met a lot of otherwise intelligent people who are also confused by what Christianity is.

The three branches of Christianity are Catholicism, Protestantism, and Greek Orthodox (uncommon in the USA). Lutherans fall under the Protestant branch. IN FACT, they STARTED the Protestant branch.

Ready for irony? Your FI's church also falls under the Protestant branch. As in, if they aren't Catholic or Greek Orthodox...which have very rigid doctrines...than they are Protestants, which has a pretty wide rainbow of "sects" in it. Such as Baptists and Presbyterians.

I'm Lutheran and my church baptized with water, though it wouldn't surprise me if some churches use oil.

Heffalump · September 2014

short+sassy said:

Now I have to get my snark on. Does he have ANY theological education whatsover? Or did he just wake up one day and say I'm a pastor/reverend? Unfortunately, that kind of thing is done a lot in my area.

I grew up in the Chicago suburbs, where any minister I ever encountered had been to their religion's seminary and had a theological degree. Then I moved south, where I surprised to learn that the guy who drove a forklift in our warehouse and our mailman were also ministers. I had seriously never thought of it as a part-time gig, it was like finding out that the guy who bagged your groceries was also a dentist one day a week.

mrsconn23 · September 2014

Heffalump said:

short+sassy said:

Now I have to get my snark on. Does he have ANY theological education whatsover? Or did he just wake up one day and say I'm a pastor/reverend? Unfortunately, that kind of thing is done a lot in my area.

I grew up in the Chicago suburbs, where any minister I ever encountered had been to their religion's seminary and had a theological degree. Then I moved south, where I surprised to learn that the guy who drove a forklift in our warehouse and our mailman were also ministers. I had seriously never thought of it as a part-time gig, it was like finding out that the guy who bagged your groceries was also a dentist one day a week.

Same here (down to growing up in the Chicago 'burbs) and it's the same where I live now (still in the midwest, but I would bet there's a bunch of people here who would LOVE to be considered a part of the south instead). It's nuts.

IrishPirate60 · September 2014

I'm used to having this exchange with people: Me: Thanks for asking. I'm Catholic. Other: But are you Christian? Me: I'm pretty sure I am. Other: but when were you saaaaaaaaved? Me: Every day, honey. Bless your heart. ETA paragraphs, I swear.

*Barbie* · September 2014

IrishPirate60 said:

I'm used to having this exchange with people: Me: Thanks for asking. I'm Catholic. Other: But are you Christian? Me: I'm pretty sure I am. Other: but when were you saaaaaaaaved? Me: Every day, honey. Bless your heart. ETA paragraphs, I swear.

from Zombies?

thejucheidea · September 2014

wtf Lutheranism is 100% Christianity.

Fundamentalists are weird.

dharmabunny · September 2014

You never know when the Lutheran Insulter comes in handy

http://ergofabulous.org/luther/

short+sassy · September 2014

Heffalump said:

short+sassy said:

Now I have to get my snark on. Does he have ANY theological education whatsover? Or did he just wake up one day and say I'm a pastor/reverend? Unfortunately, that kind of thing is done a lot in my area.
I grew up in the Chicago suburbs, where any minister I ever encountered had been to their religion's seminary and had a theological degree. Then I moved south, where I surprised to learn that the guy who drove a forklift in our warehouse and our mailman were also ministers. I had seriously never thought of it as a part-time gig, it was like finding out that the guy who bagged your groceries was also a dentist one day a week.

OMG, Heffalump, yes, yes, yes. It is like you climbed in my head, lol. I grew up on the West Coast and every pastor/minister I ever ran into was in that profession because they had at least a Bachelor's in Theology or had gotten their degree at a seminary college. At least at my church, it was a BIG hiring process when we were getting a new minister. The short-listed potential pastors would be interviewed by the entire congregation and then we voted on who would get the job offer.

Then I moved to the South. And it's like people just throw on "Reverend" in front of their name to show their "devotion"...or just want to make you think their devout.

I have been humble too long. I think I'm going to randomly take on the title Baroness. It just has a nice ring to it. So, when addressing me in the future fellow Knotties, please keep in mind that I am now Baroness ShortnSassy.

Viczaesar · September 2014

short+sassy said:

Though I understand why you and your FI are upset, there really isn't anything else to do except get another officiant.

For whatever reason, it is against your FI's pastor's beliefs to marry the two of you. Bizarre to all of us, but there ya go.

Like a lot of the other PP's, I am flabbergasted that he would say you are not a Christian because you are Lutheran. I had a serious WTF moment on that one.

Now I have to get my snark on. Does he have ANY theological education whatsover? Or did he just wake up one day and say I'm a pastor/reverend? Unfortunately, that kind of thing is done a lot in my area. I'd question if his basic childhood education went past the 6th grade, but I've met a lot of otherwise intelligent people who are also confused by what Christianity is.

The three branches of Christianity are Catholicism, Protestantism, and Greek Orthodox (uncommon in the USA). Lutherans fall under the Protestant branch. IN FACT, they STARTED the Protestant branch.

Ready for irony? Your FI's church also falls under the Protestant branch. As in, if they aren't Catholic or Greek Orthodox...which have very rigid doctrines...than they are Protestants, which has a pretty wide rainbow of "sects" in it. Such as Baptists and Presbyterians.

I'm Lutheran and my church baptized with water, though it wouldn't surprise me if some churches use oil.

Actually those aren't the three branches of Christianity, they're just the three largest groups.

RE the baptism (anointing) with oil, it's called chrism and is a very, very old practice, dating back to at least the second century and probably to the mid to late first century. The word Christ is the Greek translation of the Hebrew word Messiah, which means anointed one.

Our religion is causing issues already!

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