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Pre-wedding Parties

Feeling uncomfortable about going to a bachelorette party

My younger brother is getting married in October and I was asked by his fiance to be a bridesmaid. I was excited because my brother and I are really good friends and have done so much together and I thought that it would be a great way to get to know his fiance better. As time has passed it has come to light that I do not see things the same way as the bride-to-be does when it comes to the style of partying, and in the last few months I have witnessed a handful of times where she has gone from quiet/shy to a full obnoxious drunk. My brother said that her friends are pretty similar and I have been around her sister, aunt, and mother who all love to party, drink, and be obscene in public. For her party they are going to rent a party bus and bar hop all night and she has informed me that everyone will be having a good time and will get very drunk. I do not drink much since I get sick easily from the slightest wrong mix of alcohol and I also do not like how the bride-to-be acts when she has been drinking(picture the girl at the party that is falling on the floor, jumping on other guys, dumping drinks on people intentionally, yelling inappropriate words, fighting when told to leave, etc) . I feel that by going to the party I will end up not having fun and will be the "mother" to the other girls at the party to ensure that they are being safe. Her mother will be there but is bad with the booze too. I'm not against her doing this for her party since it is her wedding but I do not want to put myself in that position. What is the right thing to do since I am a bridesmaid? Would it be appropriate to join them at the bars for the early part of the evening and then leave?

Re: Feeling uncomfortable about going to a bachelorette party

  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    "Thanks so much for the invitation, but I'm not able to attend. I'd love to take you out to lunch to celebrate though! Are you free next week?"

    *You don't have to initiate the lunch invite if it's not something you're comfortable with. 
    chibiyuilc07slothiegal
  • I agree with PP. Just politely turn down the invitation. There's no reason you have to attend.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It is not wrong to turn down the invitation.  But if it were me I would probably go for an hour or two in the beginning and then once people got a bit crazy I would excuse myself and go home.

    And I know how you feel about being the "mother" of the group.  That role tends to fall on my shoulders a lot as well because I know that if I don't do it then no one would.  I hate being forced into that role which is why when I do go out with friends that get crazy I tend to cut out early so that I don't have to be the "mother" and I also don't get crazy irritated with their drunken asses.

  • MnHGirlMnHGirl member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Thanks everyone!

    I just was not sure if it was ok to not stick the full thing out being that I am a bridesmaid. 

    Her MOH is planning on the bridal shower in the afternoon and then the bachelorette party in the evening so I will plan to attend the shower and then limit my time at the party.

    lc07jenijoyk
  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Either turn down the invitation or go for the earlier portion of the evening and leave when you're ready. If you go, have FI or someone else ready to come pick you up since you will be on the party bus. 
    image
  • So the invites for the party just came and it is at the end of this month. The bridal shower is first followed by drinking games and then the party bus. 

    I talked to my brother about the fact that I was thinking about not going and he pretty much chewed me out saying that I needed to go and that he was going to be really upset if I declined. I just feel like Im going to be the odd man out only knowing the Bride and her sister and both like to push alcohol once they start drinking (to the point where they will pour it on you... yes very rude). On top of it I received a message from the sister that the bridesmaids have to wear an animal print dress for the party and the other guests will be wearing black dresses. I already have bought the gifts, dress, required accessories, and have a hair/make-up appointment for the wedding... I wasn't planning on buying another dress that I will never wear again. 

    Has anyone else run into this situation? I am already feeling anxiety over the party situation and just do not know what to do. I just do not like to drink (or rather my body doesn't respond well) and I think this will cause a big issue once at the party. 


  • I just looked on amazon under "leopard print dress" and they have several for under 20 dollars, so at least it shouldn't break the bank too too much if you decide to go along with it. You can always show up in something not animal or black and pretend you didn't get the message, or reply to the sister and say that you've already spent too much on the wedding and it's not in the budget. I don't see why your brother cares so much if you go to his fiancee's bachelorette? He won't be there and you don't sound close to her. You could put your foot down with him about it, or get "sick" that day and miss all of it/rush out of the shower before the second party starts.

    If you do go, you could order virgin drinks but do it away from the group so they think you're drinking. I would try not to mother them. It'll just stress you out. I know it's hard and no one else is going to clean up after them, but just leave them be. They do this kind of thing without you sometimes I'm guessing, and they get themselves home. Just think "not my circus, not my monkeys" (not my problem) and let them do whatever. If they're falling down drunk, don't catch them, etc.
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2014
    I say just go, but with a really good attitude, and then leave early. They really won't fault you for leaving early if, for the time you are there, you are friendly, cheerful, and genuinely happy for her. If they try to push booze on you just smile, wink, and order yourself a mocktail. If given a drink for a drinking game, make a joke about being a lightweight or about needing to keep an eye out for the hot guys (something! you don't have to mean it!) and water your booze down with 90% soda. It's perfectly fine to not drink around drinkers, and as long as you are gracious about it they won't even notice or care. At all. At my bestie's bachelorette party a few years ago there were two BMs that didn't drink. One went around announcing that she was keeping track in her head of how many drinks we each had, and warning us all that having more than one drink every two hours will result in a hangover the next day. That girl was basically THE WORST. We still bring it up sometimes to give my friend a hard time, "Are you drinking more than two drinks an hour???? Don't think I'm not counting!!!" and she continues to apologize profusely for inviting Wet Blanket Extraordinaire. The other non-drinking BM acted like a normal human, and said normal human things all evening long and ordered a lot of soda and redbulls. I don't even think the girls that didn't know her well even noticed she wasn't drinking.
    MnHGirl
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