Scared about friend's reaction

Re: Scared about friend's reaction

• 6fsn member

  

  September 2014

  I think she just gave you the perfect opening to tell her she won't be getting an invite.  Tell her what you said here "we would love to be able to invite all of our friends, but we just can't." 

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  September 2014

  6 has great advice.  

  
  

  Why are you afraid of pissing her off?  What can she do to you?  I get not wanting to dissappoint someone, but you're stating that you fear her reaction. You're a grown woman, no?   You fully admit you're not as close as you were in the past...so I'm just not understanding why you're in fear of telling her that she's not invited to your intimate 20 person wedding. 

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• hmonkey member

  

  September 2014

  well, i guess you friendship will be "off" for a little while.

  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  September 2014

  unless your friend is in the habit of going on murderous rampages upon hearing bad news, your best bet would be to follow 6's advice, and consider why you'd want to continue a friendship with someone who would hold a grudge over this. 

  
  

  if you're worried about a murderous rampage, consider extending an invite or entering the witness protection program. 

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• soontobemrshamilton member

  

  September 2014

  ok, not fearing for my life, or worried she'll go on a murderous rampage, but I care about my friend and I don't want her to be upset. Like I said, knowing how she is, I'm a little worried about her reaction.

  
  

  I'm worried about upsetting my friend because I don't want to hurt her feelings @mrs.conn23, I think that's pretty normal, yes? Even for a grown woman. She's a sensitive girl and tends to blow things up. I just don't want to hurt her, or lose our friendship.

  
  

  
  

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  September 2014

  I guess 'afraid' or 'scared' are throwing me off.  Those words make me envision that she's going to fly off the handle and say or do something terrible to you.   Things I fear are bad things happening to my kids, husband, or family or someone wanting harm me or something.  I'm not afraid of a friend's reaction to not being invited to a party.  

  
  

  And also, while you can feel bad about upsetting her...all you can do is tell her that you have a limited guest list and she's not on it (in a nice way).  After that, her feelings are her own.  

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• soontobemrshamilton member

  

  September 2014

  ok, well I told her and her response was "ok" I text her a few things after that and she has not replied. I know she's upset. What can I do, I guess! Still shitty!!! We'll see what happens!

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• 6fsn member

  

  September 2014

  If you think she is upset dial the phone and use more than text speak to talk to her. 

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• 0Face member

  

  September 2014

  i2i w/6.  A phone call or at least a voicemail is more personal than a text. At least an attempt on your part is more effort than a text.
  
  
  

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• jacques27 member

  

  September 2014

  Ok, I'm seeing this after you already told her - but pick up the phone.  Really, this news shouldn't have come via text in the first place.  Once you knew she was going to be a little upset by the news, you should have called her and told her so she could ask follow-up questions if she wanted.  Or, if for no other reason than you can't really define tone over written words.
  
  "Sorry, but you aren't invited to the wedding.  We're having a small wedding."
  
  Without hearing your tone of voice, one could easily read what they want into that.  Was that sorry sarcastic?  Or just placating me?  How small is small?  Was there an implied "And you don't make the cut" in there?  Whereas being able to hear what would presumably be your very sympathetic and apologetic tone where you acknowledge how she must be excited for the wedding, but your plans are for a very intimate wedding consisting of less than 20 people, most of whom are immediate family would have gone a long way in making her actually feel ok and not risk your friendship going back "off" again for awhile.
  
  Also, why were you discussing any detail about your wedding via text with someone who you know won't be invited?  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that she asked first about your wedding dress shopping - but I would let this serve as a lesson that you shouldn't be discussing wedding details with people not invited to the wedding and if they are the ones who bring up the wedding and ask, give a polite, vague non-answer and then change the topic.  It's rude to discuss your wedding with people who aren't invited and it's rude to tell people they aren't invited, which is a discussion that has a much higher chance of happening if you are openly discussing your wedding with them.
  

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• danamw member

  

  September 2014

  The only time I would get upset about not being invited to a wedding, is if they had all the pros from Dancing With the Stars put on a show.

  Other than that, feh. I'd get over it.

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• sarahonlife member

  

  September 2014

  I had 15 guests at my wedding, so there were a lot of people that didn't get an invite.  One big piece of advice is DO NOT talk about the wedding with anyone not invited.  No "Two months until I get to buy a dress!" No "OMG, one year until I get married." No "Ugh, my florist won't return my calls."  Save every bit of that for people invited to the wedding and your FI.  And NOTHING on Facebook.
  

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