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Saying no to wedding performances.

jenijoykjenijoyk member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Has anyone else dealt with the awkwardness of a person asking to sing a song or otherwise "perform" at your wedding? Someone close to us has now asked us twice if they can do this. First they asked FI, and he politely said, "We just want you to enjoy the evening! Don't worry about doing something like that! Really!" Then this person came to ask me, and told me not to tell FI, because the performance would be "a surprise." I guess they didn't realize that FI and I tell each other everything? Especially in relation to our own wedding?

I feel like such an asshole. Like, should I just suck it up and let this person do this? In my head it will be the most cringe-worthy thing ever. And part of me is also thinking this person is super duper AWish and that's why they are being so adamant about this.

Or maybe I am a cynical jerkface, and this is really just a nice, touching, thing this person wants to do and I am being ungrateful and rude by saying "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

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Re: Saying no to wedding performances.

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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    hahaha, this is kinda funny.  When the pianist at our church found out we were engaged, he didn't even comment until I emailed him to see if he could do music for us. 

    Does this person want to sing at the wedding?  Or does he/she play an instrument?

    And, no, you don't have to suck it up.  If you already have music covered for the wedding, then just say that.




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    JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    One person was pushed on us by a family member only tangentially involved in the wedding planning.  The person who was repeatedly suggested - sometime with full recitations of his resume - wasn't remotely near our guest list.  I think I might have met the proposed singer once at a holiday party hosted by said family member but that was it.  DH had never met the guy.  We had to tell the family member several times we already had music covered before it sunk it.  We weren't looking to hire mid-celebration performances and we certainly weren't going to add someone to our guest list just so they could sing a little song at some point.
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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    @OliveOilsMom - WOOOOW.

    Weddings make people insane. That is the only explanation. Everyone just loses their f-ing minds.

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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    So this would be going on at your reception?




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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Haha. No. That WILL NOT be going on at my reception.
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    EllieAugustEllieAugust member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    YES!! My Husband received a text from his mom about 3 weeks before our wedding.  Saying that three of his cousins wanted to sing us a song at our reception…very sweet, but not what we had envisioned for our reception!  We were barely having speeches, not even a cake cutting.  I felt bad (I didn't even know they could sing).  He isn't that close to his extended family.  I had already asked two of my cousins to sing as part of the mass, otherwise I would have asked them to sing the alleluia or psalms.  He responded "IT is a very sweet offer, unfortunately the reception schedule is already planned"  His mom totally understood. And we thought we were in the clear.

    Thursday before our wedding, he got a text from his cousin stating, "We are planning on performing during your reception.  We can bring our on equipment…let me know who the DJ is so we can plan it all"  I went ahead and started panicking.  I don't know if there was a miscommunication or what.   I'm glad my husband was there, because I would have caved!  He responded, Thank you so much for the offer, but unfortunately it will not be possible for you to perform at the reception.  We would love for you to perform at the brunch the next day."  Although it wasn't ideal…kind of awkward, they were happy, I was happy to make them happy and I was happy my rehearsal was performance free!!!  (But definitely stressful!!! 
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jenijoyk said:
    Haha. No. That WILL NOT be going on at my reception.
    What about this? Any of this? Does Britney make it better??
    image

    Sorry...just keep telling him. We just want you to come an have fun, no need to do a special performance. Then put the song on the "do not play" list that you give the DJ. Tell the DJ if he lets any one sing you will not pay him or will write negative reviews.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    Hahaha. Oh my god.

    I have no fear that my DJ or my wedding coordinator won't put the kabosh on anything weird. We will be giving them the heads up on this loose cannon. I actually don't mind the DJ playing this song (the actual version) so this person can bop around on the dance floor to it if they want. Heck, as the DJ to dedicate to FI, that's fine. I just draw the line at the live singing.

    Ok. I'm glad you guys would do something similar. Part of me was just nagging at myself that I was being a huge unfun, ungrateful spoilsport.

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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    I have been at a wedding where, late in the night, after we were all quite drunk, a few cousins got up and sang "Call Me Maybe" really, really off key. It was spontaneous. And funny. But it was unplanned and the result of a top shelf open bar, so I was more amused than horrified. A planned "performance" though would be shut down in a heart beat. As a guest I find them (usually) intolerable to sit through. 
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    luckysnorkelluckysnorkel member
    First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    My wonderful but very theatrical aunt offered to sing a song at our wedding.  I told her that our ceremony was going to be very short and low-key and offered her a reading instead.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    Oh, holy christ. I haven't thought about that song in years. I did a dance routine to it when I was in the 7th grade, but to be fair, I was on the pom squad and it was mandatory.

    Here I was picturing some female cousin asking if she could sing Whitney Houston because she's in musical theatre and OMG MAH VOICE IS THE STUFF OF ANGELS, but no. This is even better. So. Much. Better.
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I went to a wedding where the best man broke out into a song he wrote instead of a speech. It was awkward and the B+G did not know about it ahead of time. Poor them. 
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    tammym1001tammym1001 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    A girl at my sister's wedding wanted to sing a song for the couple. The DJ was a relative of the groom and she was dating someone in the groom's family so she went straight to him about it. He gave her the mic and it took her about 15 minutes to spit out half a song because she kept choking up and was nervous. It was the most painful thing I've ever watched. After that, several other people decided they wanted to sing too and he kept giving them the microphone. It was ridiculous.

    Just say no and make sure the DJ knows that nobody gets a mic!!!
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    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Apparently at my boss's wedding, her mom interrupted the band while people were eating dinner and sang some really morose, melancholy-sounding song in Italian to her daughter. My co-workers who were there all said that it was really weird and uncomfortable and awkward. 

    One time when I was at a wedding...I think I was 7 or 8 years old... myself, my sister and our cousin went up to the DJ during the reception and asked him to let us sing "From This Moment" by Shania Twain to the bride and groom. They let us do it and everyone though it was cute lol

    Moral of the story: grown adults trying to steal the show at a wedding = AW and uncomfortable. I would find it very strange and wonder why this man was performing My Prerogative at a wedding.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    "Thanks, but we have the wedding planned. Just enjoy yourself as a guest." And if someone tries to give a "surprise" performance anyway, I'd have a DOC or venue coordinator put a stop to it ASAP.
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    NdelibleNdelible member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment Name Dropper
    Just say NO to almost any and all volunteered performances (other than the holiday kind).  My sister and my cousin both think their kids are undiscovered talent.  My nephew (kinda) learned to tap to "Man in the Mirror".  Do NOT mention that song.  My sister will insist that you see this thrilling piece of art (crap).  If you are having some kind of to-do, my cousin will insist that her daughter do this interpretive dance thingee.  It's not very good.  It's painful to watch and then to hear the mercy applause afterward.  Trust me on this one.
    Happiness is an inside job
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    FI and his brothers are trying to plan some type of cheesy pro wrestling-type skit. I just keep shaking my head and praying he's joking.
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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    Oh wow - interpretive dances! Tap dances! Pro-wrestling skits! We could put on a variety show, ladies.

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    NdelibleNdelible member
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    I can see it now!  Maybe on TLC or WE?  
    Happiness is an inside job
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    kns1988kns1988 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I saw one of FIs friends do the full gangnam style routine at a wedding. He took over the whole dance floor. I've also seen him do it at a few different get togethers... I think I'll have to put it on the do not play list.
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    melbensomelbenso member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    jenijoyk said:

    Full disclosure, since this person will never, ever be on a wedding website, I'll tell you. This person wants to sing Bobby Brown's My Perogative, on the dance floor, in the middle of dancing. They want the DJ to play the instrumental version, while this person runs out into the crowd with a guitar and a mic stand, and starts singing while everyone continues to dance. Because supposedly, when FI was like, 12, he made this person a mix tape, which included this song.

    I can't make this shit up, people.

    If your FI has already said no, tell him that since FI already declined, you will not go against his wishes. Then simply give the DJ and heads up and tell him/her that "My Prerogative" is on your Do Not Play List - or even that said friend's song requests should not be accommodated (in case he picks something else), in case the friend decides to take it into his own hands and "surprise" you both.

    Suddenly seeing  an extra added bonus in our decision to make our own playlist...
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    loveislouderloveislouder member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I can't believe he thinks My Perogitive is an appropriate song... especially by Bobby Brown. 
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