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How to politely tell Maid of Honor I don't want her to be my Maid of Honor anymore?

briandrebriandre member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I've been friends with my MoH (call her Tina) since we were in high school and now my wedding is two months away. Tina gets mad at me and insults me at least once a week over stupid little things and it is driving me crazy. I just don't want her as my MoH anymore (I don't even know if I want her at the wedding!). Another kicker to the situation is that her fiance (call him Joe) is going to be my fiance's best man and he used to be a great friend to me and told me I was like a sister to him and now barely talks to me outside of trying to argue about politics with me on facebook (which I am not stupid enough to do). I've told my fiance and even though he understands and agrees with me that Tina should not be my MoH anymore, he still wants Joe as his best man because they've been friends for so long and he thinks it would be too difficult to ask him not to be his best man and he said he would talk to Joe about being a little more respectful to me. I understand my fiance and if he still wants Joe as his best man I respect that decision, but I just feel like it would be awkward at the wedding. Tina and Joe are extremely passive-aggressive and I can't help but feel as though Tina or Joe might say something nasty to me during the wedding. I want to try to politely tell Tina that her being MoH isn't going to work anymore but as politely as I can because she is a grade A drama queen. I'm actually afraid that if I tell her then she'll get so mad she'll make Joe drop out of the wedding and that would just upset my fiance. I just don't know what to do. Help!?
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Re: How to politely tell Maid of Honor I don't want her to be my Maid of Honor anymore?

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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    briandre said:
    I've been friends with my MoH (call her Tina) since we were in high school and now my wedding is two months away. Tina gets mad at me and insults me at least once a week over stupid little things and it is driving me crazy. I just don't want her as my MoH anymore (I don't even know if I want her at the wedding!). Another kicker to the situation is that her fiance (call him Joe) is going to be my fiance's best man and he used to be a great friend to me and told me I was like a sister to him and now barely talks to me outside of trying to argue about politics with me on facebook (which I am not stupid enough to do). I've told my fiance and even though he understands and agrees with me that Tina should not be my MoH anymore, he still wants Joe as his best man because they've been friends for so long and he thinks it would be too difficult to ask him not to be his best man and he said he would talk to Joe about being a little more respectful to me. I understand my fiance and if he still wants Joe as his best man I respect that decision, but I just feel like it would be awkward at the wedding. Tina and Joe are extremely passive-aggressive and I can't help but feel as though Tina or Joe might say something nasty to me during the wedding. I want to try to politely tell Tina that her being MoH isn't going to work anymore but as politely as I can because she is a grade A drama queen. I'm actually afraid that if I tell her then she'll get so mad she'll make Joe drop out of the wedding and that would just upset my fiance. I just don't know what to do. Help!?

    If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, then tell her she is no longer MOH. If you want to be friends still, you leave it the way it is.
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, PPs said it all pretty much.  Especially because your Fi wants to keep Joe as his BM, you will avoid more drama just by leaving Tina as your MOH.  Slowly distance yourself as a friend but don't ask her to step down.  

    You can avoid her pretty well at the wedding.  You don't even have to sit with her-- just have a sweetheart table.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    MNVegasMNVegas member
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    briandre said:
    I've been friends with my MoH (call her Tina) since we were in high school and now my wedding is two months away. Tina gets mad at me and insults me at least once a week over stupid little things and it is driving me crazy. I just don't want her as my MoH anymore (I don't even know if I want her at the wedding!). Another kicker to the situation is that her fiance (call him Joe) is going to be my fiance's best man and he used to be a great friend to me and told me I was like a sister to him and now barely talks to me outside of trying to argue about politics with me on facebook (which I am not stupid enough to do). I've told my fiance and even though he understands and agrees with me that Tina should not be my MoH anymore, he still wants Joe as his best man because they've been friends for so long and he thinks it would be too difficult to ask him not to be his best man and he said he would talk to Joe about being a little more respectful to me. I understand my fiance and if he still wants Joe as his best man I respect that decision, but I just feel like it would be awkward at the wedding. Tina and Joe are extremely passive-aggressive and I can't help but feel as though Tina or Joe might say something nasty to me during the wedding. I want to try to politely tell Tina that her being MoH isn't going to work anymore but as politely as I can because she is a grade A drama queen. I'm actually afraid that if I tell her then she'll get so mad she'll make Joe drop out of the wedding and that would just upset my fiance. I just don't know what to do. Help!?
    If you knew Tina & Joe were passive aggressive then why did you ask them to be in your wedding to begin with? What "stupid little things" is Tina getting mad about? Are you expecting her to do things that aren't required? 

    All Tina has to do is show up on time, dress appropriately, and be sober. Since this is all that is required, maybe you need to limit contact with Tina until the wedding so as there is less drama. 

    Ask yourself if kicking her out of the wedding at this point really going to be worth the drama that your decision will cause for both you and your FI. Do you want to be responsible for your FI losing Joe?
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    There is no polite way to do this. Disable your FB wall and stop logging on if that's a problem.
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    lurkergirllurkergirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    briandre said:
    I see now I'll probably have to leave her in even though I don't really want to. Sorry to vent a little here, but these two were my best friends for the past five years and it just seems to me like the longer they've been together, the meaner they get. But that's their relationship, not mine. Just sucks when your best friend turns into a different person, you know? Thank you all for your advice. I'll leave her as my maid of honor and just tell her what she needs to know and try not to talk to her as much from there on.
    Wise decision.  Good thing you came here to ask first :)




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    biggrouchbiggrouch member
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    If you knew Tina & Joe were passive aggressive then why did you ask them to be in your wedding to begin with?

    Nowhere in the post does it say that Tina has always been picking fights with the LW, just want to point that out. But even if it's not new behavior, that doesn't make this situation the LW's fault. Sometimes we become friends with people who suck, and it can take awhile to realize this, and even if it takes us awhile, that doesn't mean we somehow deserve for our friends to be assholes to us. And if the fiance loses Joe's friendship over this, then that was probably not the best friendship to begin with, and again, that's REALLY not the LW's fault.

    LW: Maybe there's no traditional etiquette for kicking someone out of your wedding, but there are ways to deal with this honestly and as kindly as possible. I would start by asking her if anything is wrong or if there's a reason she is lashing out at you all the time, and apologize if you've done anything wrong. If she won't stop insulting you and picking fights with you even after you reach out to try to fix things, then maybe it's time to take a break from the friendship, or to tell her that you feel shitty around her and would rather not have her stand up for you at the wedding. 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. 

    By this, I mean that if you kick her out, there may be drama. If you leave her in there may be drama. As others have said, kicking someone out is rude and friendship ender. It sounds like you don't care about carrying on the friendship though. If Joe is the best man, you'd have to invite Tina anyway (to both the wedding and RD, if having) and seat her next to Joe. So kicking her out isn't going to solve your problem anyway.

    You can't control these people and whether they act like jerks. But you can control how YOU respond to them. Don't require any more than the bare minimum - as in tell her what time to be where and what dress to wear. If you think she's a bitch, don't get ready together. Just tell her "please be at ____ for pictures at X o'clock". Stuff like that.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    There's no polite way to do this. But if you don't want to be friends with her anymore, kick her out.
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
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    biggrouch said:
    If you knew Tina & Joe were passive aggressive then why did you ask them to be in your wedding to begin with?

    Nowhere in the post does it say that Tina has always been picking fights with the LW, just want to point that out. But even if it's not new behavior, that doesn't make this situation the LW's fault. Sometimes we become friends with people who suck, and it can take awhile to realize this, and even if it takes us awhile, that doesn't mean we somehow deserve for our friends to be assholes to us. And if the fiance loses Joe's friendship over this, then that was probably not the best friendship to begin with, and again, that's REALLY not the LW's fault.

    LW: Maybe there's no traditional etiquette for kicking someone out of your wedding, but there are ways to deal with this honestly and as kindly as possible. I would start by asking her if anything is wrong or if there's a reason she is lashing out at you all the time, and apologize if you've done anything wrong. If she won't stop insulting you and picking fights with you even after you reach out to try to fix things, then maybe it's time to take a break from the friendship, or to tell her that you feel shitty around her and would rather not have her stand up for you at the wedding. 
    What does LW stand for?
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    biggrouchbiggrouch member
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    Letter writer, sorry! I don't know why I said that when she didn't write a letter. It's sort of common in other forums.
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    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I love Jen's idea. In the nicest way I could possibly say this, grow a pair and confront the person who is supposed to be your very good friend about how she's making you feel. If she has the audacity to treat/talk to a good friend that way, you should have the audacity to stand up for yourself.
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