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Need someone to talk me down

amgh2014amgh2014 member
Name Dropper First Comment
edited September 2014 in Wedding Woes
Some quick background: DH were married in March after 6 years of dating. His parents and I have gotten along perfectly since day 1. I love them so much and couldn't have gotten luckier. I definitely feel like their blood child and they treat me like one. I also get along great with DH's brother. His sister however, has simply never liked me. She has constantly competed with DH. Anything he does, she has to do too. She is currently engaged to a man her parents are not at all fond of. Their negative reaction to their engagement has compounded her poor treatment of me. The months since out wedding have been unbearable, to the point where I avoid family gatherings. Last Sunday, after several weeks of odd behavior from my in-laws, I asked them if anything was wrong. I couldn't recall saying or doing anything offensive and neither could DH. His mom hesitantly said they had discovered something about my past that they were not happy about...because I kept it from them and my husband. She proceeded to tell me that my sister-in-law figured out that I had been previously married, which is completely untrue. I've dated DH since I was 18 and only dated three other guys prior to that. I set the record straight and my MIL and FIL seemed to believe me, but I feel as if the damage has been done. This viscious lie has forever changed my relationship with my in-laws. Because I have never been open about their daughter's poor treatment of me, I cannot point to it as motivation for fabricating such a lie. Her wedding is coming up and I have decided I am not going. I do not feel I need to support someone - family or not - who behaves this way. It could just be my anger talking. Am I out of line?
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Re: Need someone to talk me down

  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My first reaction is that not attending your SIL's wedding will make you look bad, not her and will likely hurt your husband's parents.  I don't think that is your intention.

    Also...
    Vicious = very violent and cruel
    Viscous = of a liquid : thick or sticky : not flowing easily
    image
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  • amgh2014amgh2014 member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    Pardon the misspell
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So your SIL told your MIL you were married before, and rather than ask you about it, she assumed it was true and got upset over it?  That seems weird. 
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  • amgh2014amgh2014 member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited September 2014
    It is weird. My in-laws are generally non-confrontational, but I was saddened that they did not come to me to discuss the subject. They generally defend their daughter's behavior without question but I thought we were at a place where they knew me and trusted me.
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  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    I would be the bigger person, I would go to the wedding.  I also wouldn't limit my family time, if you want to go to their home then go!  I would not trust her or become close to her, but you can go and just give short but polite answers if she speaks to you.  I wouldn't try to involve my in-laws either, just tell them the truth and move on. What does your H say, did he speak to his parents or sister about it?

     

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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Where is your husband in all of this? Is he supportive of you not participating in family events? Has he told his sister to STFU?

    I think you should just continue to interact with your ILs in the way you would if your SIL was not being a total bitch. Don't skip family dinners/events/etc. - just be polite to her/be the bigger person. You can't control her behavior, but you can control your reaction to it. By skipping out on the wedding and family functions, you're giving her exactly what she wants. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    tawillers said:
    "Hey MIL, these potatoes are awesome today."
    This is like the ultimate bean dip!

    Personally, I'd probably have the SIL killed, but that's just me.
    �
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    if your H is willing to play along, ask SIL if she would mind if you brought your first husband to the wedding as well - now that she's brought it out into the open, you and your H may as well fess up, you're polygamists/polyamorous - they're "brother-husbands" :-D
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  • amgh2014amgh2014 member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    H is very concerned and always has been. He has confronted my now SIL many times and told her to cut the crap but she continues. When his mother told us what his sister said, he was furious. We've not yet had the chance to confront her but your ideas are great!!! I'll make a point to do so before the wedding. I'm generally very passive but you are all correct in that she deserves to be called out. I just need to work up the courage because I am, sadly, a bit intimidated by her.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    amgh2014 said:
    H is very concerned and always has been. He has confronted my now SIL many times and told her to cut the crap but she continues. When his mother told us what his sister said, he was furious. We've not yet had the chance to confront her but your ideas are great!!! I'll make a point to do so before the wedding. I'm generally very passive but you are all correct in that she deserves to be called out. I just need to work up the courage because I am, sadly, a bit intimidated by her.

    ...damn, SITB

    Let your H confront her/address this - it's going to look better to the rest of the family if it's coming from him than from you.

    I was also partially serious with the suggestion of having a "brother-husband" - see if you can get a (cute) mutual friend to play along and really screw with her. i think this would be fun.  
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  • bahamabride2015bahamabride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I would have my husband confront the sister in front of the parents.  They need to know she has treated you like sh*t from day 1 and he needs to tell her that she owes you an apology.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm going to divert to a friend's book and say "Blood talks to blood" when it comes to conflicts like this.  You'll look a heck of a lot better and I wholeheartedly agree with the simple comment of "these Potatoes are FANTASTIC tonight MIL! - Would you like to search Circuit court records for the state to find there's no record of any previous marriages and you were unaware of being sold for a goat to another man??"
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