Soothing Mom Noises needed

Inkdancer · September 2014

Four days until show time and I am freaking out.

FI refuses to pack for the honeymoon.
All of my escort cards, programs, and table numbers are printed, but not cut out/folded.
I forgot about a garter, guest book, and card box until today.
None of the handkerchiefs are washed or pressed.
MOH arrives tomorrow night, and my living room is full of boxes.

And my mom just called because she needs me to edit her midterm paper, when I can barely string two words together
Hug me please???

Inkdancer · September 2014

And to top it all off I can't find my headpiece!

smalfrie19 · September 2014

Awww.. *hair pats* take an hour and pop open a bottle of wine and watch your favorite TV show. It will be ok!

bethsmiles · September 2014

benedict cumberbatch take a deep breath gif

You have four days, your FI has time to pack. But it never hurts to let him know it's stressing you out that he hasn't.

Cutting and folding things won't take too long. Schedule time to put on a movie you love, pour a big glass of wine, you'll get it done.

You don't need a guestbook but you can pick one up a Target or craft store if you want it. Cards can go in a basket and a garter isn't important if you aren't doing the garter toss.

I know nothing about handkerchiefs but assume there's time for that.

Your MOH loves you and doesn't care about boxes.

ETA: I'm sure you'll find you headpiece. You're just freaking out right now so your looking and finding skills are probably not at their best.

ShellD13 · September 2014

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Aw. Breathe deep. It will be okay.

How much editing does your mom's paper need? Hi, former English teacher and law journal editor here! If she just needs grammar/spelling checked, PM me. I'm serious. I am not working right now and this kind of stuff doesn't take me very long.

RebeccaB88 · September 2014

Pour wine. Do that before anything else. Maybe take a shot of something first.

If FI is naked on your honeymoon because he didn't pack, is that really a bad thing? His body, his clothing, let him deal with it.

Take the wine, your DVR queue, and knock out the cutting and folding.

Grab a guest book at Target, the Hallmark shop, Michael's, etc. Done and done. You don't even have to love it. They will have card boxes or cages too. If not, grab a box, wrap it, cut a slit in it, and you have a card box.

Are the hankys that important? Crying will just wrinkle them back up anyway. Throw in the wash with your next load and they're done.

Your MOH loves you no matter what your living room looks like, and she knows you're in a tizzy right now. Let that one go.

lc07 · September 2014

***HUGS***

Take JC up on her incredibly kind offer and ask mom to trade you escort cards and handkerchiefs

Inkdancer · September 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Aw. Breathe deep. It will be okay.

How much editing does your mom's paper need? Hi, former English teacher and law journal editor here! If she just needs grammar/spelling checked, PM me. I'm serious. I am not working right now and this kind of stuff doesn't take me very long.

She needs tough love about her diction and content. I am going to pour a glass of wine and cut out escort cards while I remind her that she has a good vocabulary.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Inkdancer said:

JCbride2015 said:

Aw. Breathe deep. It will be okay.

How much editing does your mom's paper need? Hi, former English teacher and law journal editor here! If she just needs grammar/spelling checked, PM me. I'm serious. I am not working right now and this kind of stuff doesn't take me very long.

She needs tough love about her diction and content. I am going to pour a glass of wine and cut out escort cards while I remind her that she has a good vocabulary.

I probably can't help with content. But I stand by my offer if you want me to take a run at style and diction before you give her the tough love.

And yeah, make that glass of wine a big one! You'll get everything done.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Just breathe. You'll be great. I don't think we had a card box, either. And just knock out the folding. It will work out.

wandajune6 · September 2014

I can't offer anything that the PPs haven't.... but Hugs!

NYCMercedes · September 2014

"Poor baby" with no sarcasm. Hugs, too.

loveislouder · September 2014

If FI isn't spending his time packing, he can spend his time guestbook shopping, or escort card cutting. Put that man to work!

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Inkdancer said:

Four days until show time and I am freaking out.

FI refuses to pack for the honeymoon.
All of my escort cards, programs, and table numbers are printed, but not cut out/folded.
I forgot about a garter, guest book, and card box until today.
None of the handkerchiefs are washed or pressed.
MOH arrives tomorrow night, and my living room is full of boxes.

And my mom just called because she needs me to edit her midterm paper, when I can barely string two words together
Hug me please???

When is it due? After your wedding? If it can wait, it must wait, and she must use her university's writing center instead of her daughter. Both are free (monetarily), but you aren't available.

My own mommy had a rule about editing our papers: she would do it happily, but never the day before it was due. You came to her at 10pm the night before, and you were SOL. You may have to institute a similar "not the week before my wedding" policy.

As for the rest? It'll be okay! Drink that wine.

Inkdancer · September 2014

Knocked out the card box and half the table numbers with half a glass of pink moscato and the first episode of Downton Abbey. Doing it classy-like.

doeydo · September 2014

I would say no to your mom. As for your last minute to-dos, put on some good TV shows, movies, or music and do them with your FI. And remember, you don't need a garter or any of these other small things (I know, but in the grand scheme of things, they don't matter so much). Think of how in four days, you'll be able to call him your husband and you'll be his wife.

BreMR · September 2014

I LOVE YOUR TABLE NUMBERS!!!! Nice work!! See, give a girl a glass of wine and she can conquer the world... no shoes needed

raissyrais · September 2014

Hugs to you! Everything will be just fine. I am no mommy (Lord knows I can't even keep a plant for shit) but I'll pat your head as lovingly as I can?

jdluvr06 · September 2014

Sending you tons of hugs.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

HUGS!
Notice I placed that in a nice, soothing shade of blue.

Everything's gonna get done, and if it doesn't, eh - wasn't all that important after all.
Tell your mom she's on her own, it's your wedding week and you're just swamped and you're so sorry. Introduce her to JC. Or me! Content I probably can't handle too well, but style, diction, spelling, and the most egregious grammar mistakes I can! And I'm not doing jack shit tonight. Note that I am not an english teacher (current or former), but I make appropriately frowny faces when I edit papers, and have also written an excellent paper (on books I'd never read!) for FI in exchange for the best stir fry I've ever had. So I've got some good experience.

Throw those hankies in the washer and dryer. Take them right out and - voila! - not-wrinkledy hankies.
Take your escort cards/programs to a copy shop (Office Depot/Max/Staples/what have you) and ask them to cut and fold? Not too expensive, Depot's costs are 75c per cut per 150 pages (so if you have 100 sheets, and need them cut into sixths (5 cuts, also 600 escort cards so I hope you don't have that many), it's $3.75 plus tax) and 2c per machine fold (so like $2 for 100 sheets).
While you're out, get a cute something for a guestbook. BAM / Barnes / Michael's / Hobby Lobby (if you must) are all great options. Also get a cute basket, or a box, or a cage, or a fake tree and a hole punch (ooo I like that idea... I'm stealing that one actually, no touchie!!!) for a card box.
Garters are overrated and annoying (in my opinion anyway).
Boxes? Guuuuurl your MOH is coming to watch you get married, she sure as SHIT doesn't care about some boxes.
Also: do you REALLY expect your FI to wear clothes all that much while you're on your honeymoon? Didn't I read somewhere that y'all were abstaining for a month? Neither one of you needs to pack. Your hotel probably even provides fancy robes for when you take a break for room service. ;D Throw a change in a Walmart bag and you're good to go.
Now go have yourself another glass of wine (or an Angry Orchard or a vodka and cranberry or a shot of bacon flavored whiskey) and relax. Everything's done now!

CMGragain · September 2014

Things that can ruin your wedding:

1. Your FI doesn't show up.
2. Your officiant doesn't show up.
3. You forgot to get the marriage license.
4. One of you forgot to get the divorce from a previous spouse.

That's it. Anything else, you can deal with it. Have a lovely wedding day!

ohannabelle · September 2014

Oh, no no no. How did I miss this?

Four days!!!

I forgot the card box, too. And freaked. I found some really pretty wrapping paper, wrapped a box, tied with good ribbons, and sliced a card drop in. Very last minute. It lived.

Hankies can wash while you cut and fold. (We had hankies. I love them. I used several, because I kept losing them.)

Mom simply needs to be told no. No time, not focused, can't be done. (What is she thinking? No. Forbidden. You need your time.) She's a big girl, she can handle a no.

Fiancé doesn't need clothes. (Kidding. Make him a short list of what he absolutely minumum needs, and hand it to him. Be very time specific. "I need ten minutes for you to get these things together."

(I just read the replies, you've got this, with wine.)

Guest book and card box are exactly the kind of details not to even worry about. Any two simple ones and easily bought anywhere will work. Nobody expects every detail to be absolutely unique and making a definitive statement. It happens in Pinterestland, but you need to be happy.

It's more important that you're calm and happy. And you and Lolo on the same day? I am sooooooo excited! This is going to be a four star Saturday! Now I'm going to be triple waiting for pictures!

One thing at a time. It's really not too long of a list. This is just per wedding stress that makes it seem overwhelming.

Everything will happen exactly perfectly. It will be beautiful. You've got this handled.

lurkergirl · September 2014

I think @Jenna8984 is this weekend too, right? So excited for y'all!!! I will be stalking the shit out of TK for updates

ohannabelle · September 2014

Jenna too! Ohmygod, fun fun and more fun! It's going to be a picturepalooza around here! I have no end of beaming and teary eyes coming. This is great.

Inkdancer · September 2014

You guys are the best.

2 glasses of wine later, I talked my mom through her paper (which mostly involved her reading it and me going "mmhmm" "oh, no, that could sound better" and "yes of course").

The table numbers are done. The card box is done. Guest book and garter have been acquired. FI has done laundry so at least he has clean clothes to pack.

I am going to finish my episode of Downton and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I will tackle the boxes, and then MOH will save me.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

We're missing some people. We have more date twins. But apple beergaritas plus spray adhesive makes me not remember.

jenna8984 · September 2014

Yes! thanks @lurkergirl !!

I was supposed to pick up individual pies and FI said "fuck that, people will have cake and apple crisp" so I crossed that off the list! Going to pick up my dress tonight. Friend/photographer flies in tomorrow woo!

I'm pretty calm but I only have 23 guests- I think I'd be a mess if I had 225 people like lolo!

So my MOH texts me last night "I've been practicing the reading, don't hate me if I mess up and jumble my words". I laughed and said 'Hey- you can't fuck up anything worse than the crossing of the crowns at your cousin's wedding!" (Greek- she forgot to cross them- major faux pas). She laughed and said "That's right- you KNEW about that and STILL asked me to do the reading so anything is your fault!" hahahhaha love her.

ElcaB · September 2014

Hair pats all around. There, there.

YOU GOT THIS!

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