I can't seem to write anything that's brief.
Okay, so I'm really upset and stressed right now.
When we originally started planning, we put together a list of people that we really wanted to come. It was about 165+ people. Well, after asking for our parents' input and getting the "if you invite her you have to invite her brother and her mother too" thing, our guest list expanded to 300+ people. Our reception venue only has seating for 228, not including ourselves. It can hold many more, but that's all the tables and chairs they have and we don't have the budget to rent more. We had to cut. And we were pretty harsh about it. Many from my hometown were cut because it was the "if you invite one, you have to invite them all" sort of groupings. Our almost final list ended up being about 216.
As we were pruning the list, I sent versions back and forth to my mom with various totals and scenarios for her input on those from our hometown that are closer to the family than to me, necessarily. I had columns with notes next to people such as "Yes", "Maybe, with family", "Maybe", "No", "Yes if room", etc. We had a system and knew what these meant and cut accordingly.
Well, fast forward to me beginning to prepare a list for my aunts to use as they send out shower invitations to those in my hometown (it's 4 hours away and I don't live there). My aunt says that they already have a list, passed along by my mother who didn't want to bother me with it. I assumed she explained our system to my aunt on who was in and who was out. Everyone on the list would have been marked in a category.
For whatever reason, I got a bad feeling and emailed my aunt after she said she sent the invitations out, asking who she invited. She sent me back a list of people (so many!) that were cut early on and were never intended to be invited to the wedding. These would have had "No" beside their name, or at the very least "Maybe". Plus my grandmother had added some. Plus they're putting one up at the local bank branch (very small town, so it's kind of a social hub) for any of those employees if they missed them. My dad is the president of that bank and my whole family also works there.
I about fell off the couch when I read the email. Including spouses and children (we chose a child-friendly wedding), our guest list would skyrocket including all of these people. It would be back up to nearly 300 again.
I know it's rude to send out shower invitations to those who aren't invited to the wedding. Those invitations have already gone out, so I can't fix it now. It feels like my only choices are to be rude and not invite them to the wedding (even though I didn't make the mistake personally) or take the risk to invite them and hope we have enough declines for everyone to have a seat. My mom has said many times that many will not travel 4 hours to the big city and back. She doesn't think it's much of a risk. Or we figure out some way to get extra money for more tables and chairs and more food. We just bought a house and new appliances and already owe FMIL money and have some small credit card debt. My parents are paying for the wedding, but they have a cap and can't afford anything beyond that. FI put his foot down and said no way are we expanding our list because of her mistake. I feel like my back is up against the wall here. Just need to get it out.
On top of that, FI's step grandmother is making all of our invitations and addressing them. She needs my final list today. Ugh!<br><br>
Edited because TK ate my paragraphs and I wasn't going to let you all read that wall of text without some breaks.
"They say there's no such place... as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But, in spite of that... Why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me... It says, 'Search for Paradise.' " - Kiba, Wolf's Rain