Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Small RSVP rant & 1 helpful tip!

LoveLee2014LoveLee2014 member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, I know I can't be the only person out there with this issue! Why do people not RSVP anymore??? It is so easy. I even put a stamp on it and address it, you know, all the normal RSVP things you do for guests! I have heard lots of previous brides and grooms complain about it, but MAN I had ZERO idea how much a pain it is to try to get people to RSVP! Our wedding is in 3 weeks and we STILL have almost 80 people we haven't heard from?!?!?!??! My mom gets on me, I get on my groom, my groom gets on his mom....because most of them are on the grooms side. It just sucks. I am trying to do 1,000 things, plus college full time, and working. I don't have time to babysit all these people to remind them what they need to do. :( We are having the same issue with my bridal shower in ONE WEEK. Almost 20 people on the grooms side won't RSFREAKINGVP!? There will be dinner served, cake, and favors. We even make it super easy with an email address to RSVP to, cutting out the awkward phone call...LOL. My poor sister is freaking out and come to find out my future mother in law is one of them who hasn't RSVPed yet. It is just so disappointing. I know what people think, they think: 'oh well I am super late RSVPing, no big deal its just me'....but when over 50% of the people don't RSVP it IS a big deal. One helpful hint that we taught by someone: In pencil, put a number on the back lower corner of the RSVP card that guest mail back in....this way when people forget to write their name on the RSVP, you will be able to figure out who they are!!! This has helped us a TON!!! Over 15 people did not put their name on the RSVP card. LOL We just kept saying, "Thank goodness we did this!!!" I mean, come on, weddings are so expensive! We can't cushion the food, cake, and favors for 70 guests!! It is just a huge waste of money. Okay, Rant over!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Small RSVP rant & 1 helpful tip!

  • Options
    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You need a drink. When is your wedding rsvp deadline?




    Report Reply
  • Options
    LoveLee2014LoveLee2014 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I DO need a drink. The deadline was two weeks ago. BUT the wedding is in 3 weekends. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    LoveLee2014 said:
    Okay, I know I can't be the only person out there with this issue! Why do people not RSVP anymore??? It is so easy. I even put a stamp on it and address it, you know, all the normal RSVP things you do for guests! I have heard lots of previous brides and grooms complain about it, but MAN I had ZERO idea how much a pain it is to try to get people to RSVP! Our wedding is in 3 weeks and we STILL have almost 80 people we haven't heard from?!?!?!??! My mom gets on me, I get on my groom, my groom gets on his mom....because most of them are on the grooms side. It just sucks. I am trying to do 1,000 things, plus college full time, and working. I don't have time to babysit all these people to remind them what they need to do. :( We are having the same issue with my bridal shower in ONE WEEK. Almost 20 people on the grooms side won't RSFREAKINGVP!? There will be dinner served, cake, and favors. We even make it super easy with an email address to RSVP to, cutting out the awkward phone call...LOL. My poor sister is freaking out and come to find out my future mother in law is one of them who hasn't RSVPed yet. It is just so disappointing. I know what people think, they think: 'oh well I am super late RSVPing, no big deal its just me'....but when over 50% of the people don't RSVP it IS a big deal. One helpful hint that we taught by someone: In pencil, put a number on the back lower corner of the RSVP card that guest mail back in....this way when people forget to write their name on the RSVP, you will be able to figure out who they are!!! This has helped us a TON!!! Over 15 people did not put their name on the RSVP card. LOL We just kept saying, "Thank goodness we did this!!!" I mean, come on, weddings are so expensive! We can't cushion the food, cake, and favors for 70 guests!! It is just a huge waste of money. Okay, Rant over!

    LoveLee2014 said:
    I DO need a drink. The deadline was two weeks ago. BUT the wedding is in 3 weekends. 
    RSVP deadline 5 weeks before the wedding is really early IMO.  People probably don't have their schedules so far out.

    Enjoy your beverage of choice and relax.  You call the non-responders on your side, Fi calls the non-responders on his side.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    Report Reply
  • Options
    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't understand your comments that these people are refusing to RSVP? Did you call them and speak to them, and they refused to tell you if they were coming or not? That doesn't make a lot of sense! 

    Physically pick up a phone and call these people...if they don't answer, on the voicemail just say you'd like them to call you back. Don't say why. Wait until you're actually speaking with them, and ask them if they are attending. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your RSVP deadline is a bit early, but what's done is done. Wait until about 3-4 days after your RSVP deadline has passed until you start calling people, because some people will literally mail it back on the day you indicate it's due to you. People suck with mail sometimes (myself included). You should have at least a week in between the RSVP deadline and the day your numbers are due to the caterer to catch up with stragglers. If you have even more time than that, then you really do just need to chill out because it's too early to get so freaked out about this.

    You can either do what Mandy suggested and leave an ambiguous message, or you can say directly "Hey there, just calling because I haven't received your RSVP and the deadline has passed. We need to get numbers to the caterer, so could you call me back and let me know by X date that you are attending? Otherwise I'll mark you down as not attending. Thanks!"

    FWIW, here is a little perspective for you on people: at my job, we send appointment confirmation emails to clients 2 days before their appointment. If we don't see in the computer that they've clicked the "Confirm" button the day before, we place a phone call and try to confirm verbally. Recently, we had a client who hadn't confirmed her email. We called both her home and cell numbers, leaving messages stating that we didn't see her confirm the email so if she could please give us a call back to confirm her appointment, that would be awesome. No call back. The next day, she shows up at the wrong time for her appointment. She claims to never have gotten her confirmation email, never have gotten the home phone messages, and never have gotten the cell phone message (although she did confirm that we had all of that information correct in her file). She was also somehow offended that she never received any of our 3 attempts at communication, and it was somehow our fault that she showed up at the wrong time. Oh, did I mention that this client has standing appointments, which she signed up for last November, which secured her appointment dates and times exactly every 5 weeks at exactly the same time on exactly the same day of the week, which she told us she has written down on her calendar? Ok, so, sometimes even grown adults are complete and utter morons/assholes who can't be bothered with the responsibility of keeping track of their lives or returning phone calls. Just have a few drinks and let whatever shit happen that is going to happen. You can only do so much when it comes to other people.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    whoaitsmeganwhoaitsmegan member
    First Comment Name Dropper

    @LoveLee2014 I completely understand. I haven't even sent out my invitations yet and I'm already pissed off at some people because I'm pretty sure they aren't going to send them back. lol

    Report Reply
  • Options
    candie9753candie9753 member
    First Comment
    I totally share your frustration!!! This was the most annoying thing for us considering the way the timeline works out; everything is on a tight deadline and I guess it's pretty common for there to be a huge handful of people to not RSVP.  That is a TON of people, though! My fiance and I fought constantly because I wanted to just say that if we didn't get the RSVP's in time, then we simply wouldn't prepare a seat for them.  He thought that was too harsh. We NEVER ended up getting an RSVP back from my fiance's brother, his best man, a handful of his friends (yet all of those people told him through text they were coming ON the deadline).  The thing that actually got my physically sick from stress.... a family of 5 never RSVP'ed (my fiance's cousin) which made it nearly impossible for us to do our seating chart (which needed to get sent away ASAP to a designer on Etsy so she could make the escort tags in time)... We called and called and that family was ignoring our calls!!! Like cmon, you've had a month to decide if you're coming and now you're ignoring us!? I was LIVID! I finally texted her and said we would save her 2 seats if she decides to come.  She called me the next day (after everything was finalized) and told me "she sent in her RSVP a week ago" and that the whole family was very excited to come...... Not to mention when I did finally get her RSVP it was postmarked after the deadline.  So that's my short version and I have to say, I thought I was stressed out with wedding planning but then the RSVP situation happened and then I REALLY saw wedding stress in just a whole new light. It's the absolute worse.  I don't know if this will help or if it's "proper" etiquette but about a week before the deadline, I just sent out a mass email/facebook message as a gentle reminder to those that I hadn't received.  I reminded everyone that they NEEDED to send it in because I cannot make assumptions and that if I didn't receive an RSVP then we couldn't make accommodations.  After I sent that message, the stragglers came in pretty quickly.

    GOOD LUCK!!! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, RSVPs were annoying- the guest list and RSVPs was probably the most stressful part of the planning process. But try to breatheeeee! And have a drink ;).

    We invited a bunch of people on DH's side of the family whom we originally had no plans of inviting but did on the request of his grandmother who was dying. MOST of them did not RSVP and we had to get my MIL to track them down- most of them didn't come, and one of them RSVP'd yes then no-showed. I was kind of like, "REALLY!?!? These people are SUCH important family members eh?". Of course I never said that to anyone, but I thought it. Obviously they were important to DH's grandmother, and I tried to be respectful of that. Saved us some money anyway.... 

    But still, I get the lack of RSVP annoyance. That's one of my pet peeves in life in general, when you actively invite someone to something and they don't tell you yes or no. Really, it's cool if you can't/ don't want to come, just tell me you won't be there!

    I agree to give yourself a bit of time since the RSVP deadline. 5 weeks is a bit early and some people will mail the RSVP on the day of the deadline. Once a few days- 1 week has passed, start calling guests and ask verbally. 

    If you are having trouble connecting with someone, leave them a message by phone or email (maybe both if you don't know what they use most frequently) that you need a response by X date. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MandyMost said:
    I don't understand your comments that these people are refusing to RSVP? Did you call them and speak to them, and they refused to tell you if they were coming or not? That doesn't make a lot of sense! 

    Physically pick up a phone and call these people...if they don't answer, on the voicemail just say you'd like them to call you back. Don't say why. Wait until you're actually speaking with them, and ask them if they are attending. 
    These are her FI's guests.  He needs to be the one to do the calling.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards