Stressed and About to Give Up

E2theB · September 2014

Removing my original post because it was selfish, whiney, and embarrassing.

PMeg819 · September 2014

Why are you marrying him? This isn't about the wedding, this is going to be your existence for the rest of your life. You guys need to get a handle on your finances before you even think about a wedding. By your own admission, you make more than enough. It sounds like any emergency savings you had are wiped out. Why are you worrying about paying for a wedding when you should focus on the rest of your life. In 60 years are you going to care more about the wedding or the fact you can't afford to retire?

Heffalump · September 2014

E2theB said:

My fiance and I got engaged last December. We've been together four years and have known each other for ten years. As much as I hated to put the wedding off so long, we set a date of June 27,2015. We had been struggling for a while to get by after having taken custody of his daughter full time. I figured giving ourselves a year and a half would be plenty of time to save money. My parents offered to help- a lot- but never discussed a number. And I want to be able to purchase the little accessories and tidbits I need as I see them.

Fast forward and we only have 9 months left. About half of our engagement has passed and we have nothing... ZERO... saved. We've had a lot of financial hiccups- vet bills, hospital bills following a miscarriage, maxed out credit cards due to taking a cash advance when his car died and we had no savings.

I finally told him after four years together and trying to manage the finances from two separate accounts, that we needed to get a joint account. Between us, we make more than enough money that we should have several hundred dollars saved...EVERY month. I had gotten to the point of utter frustration as to why we never had extra money; in fact, he was always asking me for help when he should be the one with surplus income.

I'm getting so tired of denying myself every little indulgence. Every last dime of my pay goes to bills and necessities. I have maybe $100 left after all my bills are paid each week. And this has to go to pet food, household needs like laundry and cleaning supplies, and groceries.

My fiance finally saw the light and has suddenly jumped into 'budget mode,' despite the fact that his money has been disappearing to senseless little expenditures for months. I deny myself trips out to lunch, stops for a bagel in the morning, new clothes, hair and nails- I do not EVER buy anything for myself. Or do anything for myself- in order to try and pay our bills and get out of the hole.

It still seems so far out of our reach that it depresses me. We will be able to make our next deposit to our venue, but we are nine months out and don't even have a photographer booked. I am stretched to the limit and couldn't possibly think of how to get another $200-300 for a photographer deposit. I don't want to ask my parents for any more help because they fronted our first deposit, and will be handling a large majority of the balance. His parents are pretty much broke and useless. His dad lent us money and bought my step-daughter to be very expensive school shoes, so I don't want to ask him for more.

I am just stressed, miserable and tired of budgeting every second of my life. I just needed to vent to someone, anyone, who could maybe sympathize. I feel like no matter how many steps we make forward, something always pushes us back. I feel like we won't be able to have any of the things I want for my wedding unless we take out a loan, open a new credit card- basically do something stupid that will make our debt worse.

Living paycheck to paycheck is absolutely miserable and I don't wish it on anyone.

SITB, but:
I hate to steal Barbie's thunder here, but if you don't have enough cash reserves for unexpected medical/auto/other expenses, then you should make that your priority, over a one-day event. Postpone the wedding or scale it way back, whatever you need to do.
Custody of your SD, miscarriage--you have a lot on your plate. IMO, that's another good reason to let the dust settle a bit, especially if the wedding expenses are causing you this much stress.
Postponing will also give you and your FI time to get on the same page, financially. It sounds like you've been out of sync, and that can be really damaging to your finances and relationship.
"His parents are pretty much broke and useless. His dad lent us money and bought my step-daughter to be very expensive school shoes, so I don't want to ask him for more." 1) "broke and useless" is pretty unkind, and 2) your own statement seems to contradict that--it sounds pretty generous of them to lend you money and buy SD expensive shoes.
I hate to rain on your parade, but it really sounds like you can't afford the wedding you have planned right now, and it's causing you unnecessary stress. Time to change plans and make life easier.

E2theB · September 2014

Yeah thanks. I guess we've got more on our plate than expected. Overwhelmingly supportive community this is.

hmonkey · September 2014

this is why i say pull credit reports, people.

who you marry is the biggest financial decision of your life. plan accordingly.

E2theB · September 2014

Ok thanks, wish I could go back and delete this.

Written in a moment of sadness and selfishness. Should have known better than to think complete strangers on a WEDDING forum entitled WEDDING WOES might have a little sympathy.

Heffalump · September 2014

E2theB said:

Ok thanks, wish I could go back and delete this.

Written in a moment of sadness and selfishness. Should have known better than to think complete strangers on a WEDDING forum entitled WEDDING WOES might have a little sympathy.

Wait, is this a joke? What kind of response did you want, to buy some magic beans and hope for the best? I defy you to find better advice out there.

cupcait927 · September 2014

What on earth kind of advice did you think that you were going to get? Nothing has been snarky or mean, just honest.

mrsconn23 · September 2014

E2theB said:

Ok thanks, wish I could go back and delete this.

Written in a moment of sadness and selfishness. Should have known better than to think complete strangers on a WEDDING forum entitled WEDDING WOES might have a little sympathy.

This post is not a wedding woe, it's a life woe. Having a wedding will not change what's going on in your ilfe.

E2theB · September 2014

I get it. Thanks guys.

hmonkey · September 2014

E2theB said:

Removing my original post because it was selfish, whiney, and embarrassing.

@e2theb

it's actually none of these things, so calm down.

the most important thing is you need to get your fiancé on the same page as you are -- not just on the wedding, but the whole "we make enough money that we should have enough for hundreds in savings each month." you two need to be on the same financial page.

and i am not kidding about the credit reports, yo.

MesmrEwe · September 2014

hmonkey said:

E2theB said:

Removing my original post because it was selfish, whiney, and embarrassing.

@e2theb
it's actually none of these things, so calm down.

the most important thing is you need to get your fiancé on the same page as you are -- not just on the wedding, but the whole "we make enough money that we should have enough for hundreds in savings each month." you two need to be on the same financial page.

and i am not kidding about the credit reports..

This is something to address in premarital counseling (in our state it got us a discount on the marriage license)... If you don't have the finances figured out ahead of time it'll make things after the wedding that much more difficult. Finances are in the top three reasons for divorce so best to address this issue now than later.

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