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Having a child ruined me

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 
I used to be a very beautiful woman with a fit body and pretty features, but since I had a child 11 years ago I have become a hideous troll. My stomach was destroyed by my pregnancy. What was once a flat tummy turned into a full-blown panniculus. At age 45, I’m overweight, I inherited a giant bullfrog neck and jowls from my grandmother, and my nose is growing into a perfect replica of my mother’s giant schnoz. I absolutely can’t stand to look in the mirror. I have a great husband, beautiful child, great friends, and I love my job. I am still fairly young, in good health, and I have so much to be thankful for. I’m happy with my life, but I’m miserable with my troll-like appearance. A couple of years ago I worked very hard and lost 40 pounds through moderate exercise and religiously counting calories. But I was miserably hungry most of the time and my body shape was just a smaller version of the disgusting new apple-shaped me. Within a few months of coming off the diet I gained all of the weight back. I’ve tried new hairstyles, dressing better, scarves, makeup, etc. I know I’ll never be 120 pounds and gorgeous again, but how can I accept the unsightly creature I’ve become? I feel so bad for my husband—he married a princess, but now he’s stuck with a giant toad.

—Aging Ungracefully

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Re: Having a child ruined me

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yep, I'm firmly in the 'therapy' camp.

    I mean, I 'get' not loving how something looks and missing how she used to look but, I've also made strides in my own life in not comparing my current body to my 20 year old body--and knowing that my body is awesome for just not being in pain.
    (^the last 'being in pain' part is a side effect to chronic things like migraines--I don't wish chronic crap on anyone but do know that those of us saddled w/ unending crap tend to learn to love our bodies for being strong and having muscles and doing stuff [like, I dunno, reading a book without pain, enjoying sunlight, etc]  that we used to take for granted.

    I can't help but wonder if the writer could use that perspective.
    Which isn't something easy to come by without experience--if someone says it, it tends to sound a lot like "oh, starving children in other countries could use those brussel sprouts".  Knowing that just makes you feel guilty AND hungry AND have a plate of brussel sprouts.  Knowing you should appreciate your body but feeling like a troll just makes you feel like a bad person, AND an ingrate AND a troll)
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  • danamwdanamw member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    I read that, and thought of that Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Sure, having a child, and passage of time means this woman may not be as hot as she was as a young girl, but I can't imagine she is that much a troll as she says she is.

    I don't think a tummy tuck will take all that away. I think she has a grossly exaggerated idea of how ugly she is. And that she is blaming it all on having a child, that really zeroes in on where therapy is needed.

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