do i send save the dates to people invited only to the reception

AshleyKinkelaar · August 2014

both me and my fiancé have large families and have around 400 people before inviting friends

friends from out of town who have to travel, family, and our closest friends are invited to both the ceremony and the reception

work friends, friends of our parents, and some other groups will get invited to reception only

do I send save the dates to people invited to only the reception

MyNameIsNot · August 2014

AshleyKinkelaar said:

both me and my fiancé have large families and have around 400 people before inviting friends
friends from out of town who have to travel, family, and our closest friends are invited to both the ceremony and the reception
work friends, friends of our parents, and some other groups will get invited to reception only
do I send save the dates to people invited to only the reception

No. You don't ask people to save the date for your wedding if they won't be invited to the actual wedding.

This is really rude to them. You're going to have a lot of people who are hurt that they couldn't be invited to the main event.

ohmrs2014 · August 2014

Everyone who gets a STD gets invited to the wedding, not the party. I agree with PP, everyone should be invited to both the ceremony and reception.

Jen4948 · August 2014

There is no polite way to invite anyone only to the ceremony. Everyone who is invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception.

ohmrs2014 · August 2014

The only way you can truly get "away" with this is if your having an intimate ceremony. And by intimate I mean only immediate family, his parents and your parents, siblings, and grandparents. Thats it. With a guest list that large, having an intimate ceremony wouldn't be unheard of, but inviting anyone more than whom I listed wouldn't qualify as an intimate ceremony.

NYCMercedes · August 2014

Why would you invite people only to the ceremony?

AddieCake · August 2014

If you do, they should be different than the ones you send to everyone else, since some people are saving the date for the wedding and others are just saving the date for the party. I would be rather confused if I got a save the date like that, though. Same for invitations. You will need different invitations for the party-only guests. It's not cool to invite people to the reception and not the ceremony unless it's a tiny, intimate guest list for the ceremony, though, so I hope you will reconsider your plans.

AshleyKinkelaar · September 2014

Thanks for the imput

adettma32 · September 2014

I'm not sure where the OP is from, but I am originally from Southeast WI and it is VERY common in my hometown to invite some people to the ceremony/dancing but not to the dinner. I personally don't understand this tradition and won't be doing it, but depending on the area you live, this may be common and may not offend people at all. However, I don't think you should send save-the-dates to those not invited to the actual ceremony.

Liatris2010 · September 2014

Knottie94040166 said:

I'm not sure where the OP is from, but I am originally from Southeast WI and it is VERY common in my hometown to invite some people to the ceremony/dancing but not to the dinner. I personally don't understand this tradition and won't be doing it, but depending on the area you live, this may be common and may not offend people at all. However, I don't think you should send save-the-dates to those not invited to the actual ceremony.

This is known as a tiered reception and is extremely rude. All guests should be hosted to the same level, for reasons that are obvious.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

Knottie94040166 said:

I'm not sure where the OP is from, but I am originally from Southeast WI and it is VERY common in my hometown to invite some people to the ceremony/dancing but not to the dinner. I personally don't understand this tradition and won't be doing it, but depending on the area you live, this may be common and may not offend people at all. However, I don't think you should send save-the-dates to those not invited to the actual ceremony.

Learn this phrase and you will go far. "Just because it's common, does not mean it's polite."

Lots of people spit their gum on the ground but I'm no less offended by it just because it's common. And even guests are accustomed to being treated poorly, I'd rather have them remember my wedding as the best, most polite, most well-hosted one they've ever been to.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Don't smear my home region with such a broad brush, please. Plenty of SE Wisconsinites have properly hosted weddings.

Knottie94040166 said:

I'm not sure where the OP is from, but I am originally from Southeast WI and it is VERY common in my hometown to invite some people to the ceremony/dancing but not to the dinner. I personally don't understand this tradition and won't be doing it, but depending on the area you live, this may be common and may not offend people at all. However, I don't think you should send save-the-dates to those not invited to the actual ceremony.

CMGragain · September 2014

You must cut your guest list EVERYONE MUST BE INVITED TO BOTH THE CEREMONY AND THE RECEPTION!! To do anything else is horribly rude, as in "You aren't good enough to be invited to the ceremony, but don't forget to leave your gift." Unforgivable!

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

OP, change your screenname. I found your social media sites with a quick Google.

adettma32 · September 2014

I'm not trying to smear anything, as I stated that I don't understand it and won't hosting my wedding that way. I'm sorry to have offended you by stating the region I come from, as I don't mean to imply all SE Wisconsinites are rude and don't know how to properly host an event. However, I don't think there is a 100% etiquette standard all over the country, unfortunately. I don't agree with hosting a wedding this way; was just stating that where I am from, it was common to be done this way and may not offend people that are familiar with this way of "hosting."

Knottie37373131 · September 2014

I have been invited to just a reception. Apparently this was because there was a limit of people they could have at the actual wedding. However, I misread the reception part of the invitation and thought I was invited to the wedding. When I got there I was slightly confused. I also gave them $100 gift. Had I realized I was only invited to the reception I would have given $75 or $50.

weddingcactus · September 2014

I agree that this may be somewhat common in certain regions and/or certain religions. I have been invited to several receptions and not the wedding ceremonies. To be honest, I felt awkward with all of them. Some were cases where I was truly not at all close with the couple being married and it felt very much like a gift-grab. I wanted to be polite to the family, so I showed up, dropped off a gift, greeted the family, and left quickly. In one case I was very close with the bride years ago and while I was grateful to be invited to the reception, it was also fairly hurtful to know that I was not in a high enough "tier" to receive an invitation to the ceremony at the same location. I also knew people in the wedding party, so I was very well aware of my lack of invitation to the ceremony or dinner and felt uncomfortable arriving later than most of the guests. I tried to make the best of it and enjoy the event, but I couldn't help but feel hurt.

ohannabelle · September 2014

An invitation to the reception (but not the wedding) very clearly states, "You're not that important to us."

That's a hell of a message to send.

If someone isn't that close to you, why invite them? It comes across as a gift grab. You certainly won't have time to individually greet and thank 400 people.

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

Could the OP be Mormon? I think it's common to invite only other Mormons to the actual ceremony in the temple, but then have a reception later for non Mormon friends and family?

When a friend of mine who is Mormon was married I was only invited to the reception part, but I wasn't offended because that's a restriction of their religion. They only had a small group at the actual ceremony.

OP probably would have specified if that were the case so maybe no.

JennyColada · September 2014

If I got an invite to reception-only I'd feel like it was clearly a gift grab, and would happily show up and eat the food and drink the drink and give you a lovely card with no money attached.

do i send save the dates to people invited only to the reception

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