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FI Invited to Wedding Shower But Not the Wedding

mklammklam member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Snarky Brides
This is totally a random and not really important thing in our lives, but I just have to say that this has me stumped. 

My FI is a Marine but also works at a winery (in Sonoma County) on weekends for extra cash. One of his coworkers who works in management sent out a mass email invite to her wedding shower this weekend. Now, my FI was not invited to this wedding, how do we know? He's never actually met her in person, just through email. He was totally confused about receiving this and I was mildly affronted by the blatant gift-grabby attitude (registry link in the email!).

Obviously, he let her know he was unable to attend, but thanked her for the invite. 

I just wanted to share this story to thank everyone here for showing me just how important etiquette is. Since coming on here, I have learned what not to do (and this is a huge no for me!). I know this isn't really a big deal for my life, I was just so shocked to see this happen. This sort of thing has never happened to me personally, so now I know.
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Re: FI Invited to Wedding Shower But Not the Wedding

  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Gross. Good for FI for declining. 
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  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    Moderator Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    Wtf?? Yeah, definitely good call on FIs part. That seems so gift grabby.


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  • HeatherKatHeatherKat member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Maybe kind of gift grabby, but this is actually OK, right? Work showers and church showers are the exception to the "anyone invited to pre parties must be invited to the wedding" rule. Also, as showers are meant to be gift giving events, it's actually ok to include registry information.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    HeatherKat said:
    Maybe kind of gift grabby, but this is actually OK, right? Work showers and church showers are the exception to the "anyone invited to pre parties must be invited to the wedding" rule. Also, as showers are meant to be gift giving events, it's actually ok to include registry information.
    I may be wrong about this, but I thought work showers could be an exception to the rule when the shower was actually held AT the workplace.  The OP said the shower is being held on the weekend.  This leads me to believe the shower will be held in someone's home or at a restaurant.  I would also tend to think that this shower may include guests other than co-workers.  Obviously, this is much to assume, but if this IS the case, then I would agree this goes against etiquette.  I must say, however, that even for a workplace shower, to literally have never even met the guest of honor does seem gift grabby.  It sounds as if the email evite was sent to the entire workplace staff, regardless of relationship to the bride.  That's tacky, even for a workplace shower.


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  • jenajjthrjenajjthr member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Workplace showers are an exception, but you still can't send an invite, let alone an email invite,  to your own shower.  A coworker throws it for you, invites people you actually know, not the entire staff. This is extremely gift grabby.  Good for your FI to politely decline. 
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  • mklammklam member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    MobKaz said:
    HeatherKat said:
    Maybe kind of gift grabby, but this is actually OK, right? Work showers and church showers are the exception to the "anyone invited to pre parties must be invited to the wedding" rule. Also, as showers are meant to be gift giving events, it's actually ok to include registry information.
    I may be wrong about this, but I thought work showers could be an exception to the rule when the shower was actually held AT the workplace.  The OP said the shower is being held on the weekend.  This leads me to believe the shower will be held in someone's home or at a restaurant.  I would also tend to think that this shower may include guests other than co-workers.  Obviously, this is much to assume, but if this IS the case, then I would agree this goes against etiquette.  I must say, however, that even for a workplace shower, to literally have never even met the guest of honor does seem gift grabby.  It sounds as if the email evite was sent to the entire workplace staff, regardless of relationship to the bride.  That's tacky, even for a workplace shower.


    You nailed it. This is the exact situation. Whole office invited to the party but also everyone else invited to the wedding. 

    Haha I've been teaching my FI etiquette for weddings slowly. He actually seems interested too. Lucky me!
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