A heads up, another depressing post.
A year ago on Thursday my best friend died of stage 4 colon cancer that had metastasized to practically every organ. She fought for 5 years, went through chemo daily, and underwent 3 separate surgeries before succumbing and passing away. This has truly been the most difficult time of my life. I gained 30 pounds, practically stopped speaking to mutual friends, and frankly, given up a lot of who I used to be to the grief of the past year. I am on depression and anxiety meds which have helped a lot.
She was truly my best friend and honestly practically a sister. Her parents have become a second set of parents to me and her sister, my sister. My household was not a wonderful one to grow up in and they always had their door open for me. It was a haven since 9th grade. I am especially grateful because they are not from this country, came here on asylum, and worked extremely hard to provide for their family. I know everything they have done for me has been an added burden, but they have never let me pay them back. They call me their daughter, and I am so thankful for that.
This past few weeks, my phone has been blowing up with texts and calls from crying and distraught mutual friends. I completely understand their pain. I am experiencing it too. I have basically become a therapist to my friends, which is fine, because I am actually a therapist, but I am a little hurt that no one has asked me how Im feeling. Not that I expect them too, but this is difficult for me too. Since Ive been placed in this "rock" role, I feel like I need to suppress my feelings and help everyone else. This has obviously hurt me and I have kept a lot inside.
I just needed an outlet to give my feelings and I do not feel comfortable approaching these friends who call me, and I would never burden her family with my feelings unless specifically asked. I welcome all puppy gifs, as puppies make me smile. Thank you for being my outlet.
ETA: I had paragraphs, they disappear no matter what device Im typing on. wth?
