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Needing a little advice on being newly married NWR

Good afternoon ladies, 

I hope this finds everyone doing well. My husband and I recently got married and have started settling into our new life. So far it's been really easy, living together is a little easier than I anticipated, and things are meshing pretty well. The only issue I seem to be having right now, is feeling like my husband is catering to my every whim and it's driving me bonkers. Everything is about what I want to do or what I want. I seem to be the one making all the decisions about where we go or what we do on a Saturday afternoon. It's making me crazy. He will throw out ideas but never says  if there is something he would like specifically. He will throw out ten options that range all activities and will always finish with, "We don't have to do those, what would you rather do?" It's never "I would like to do this sometime. or I think I would like this for dinner." Everything has to have my final say. I know he is trying to be sweet and I've brought this up several times before, that I would like him to suggest things to do or make some calls once in a while, but It always goes back to what I want to do. Ladies, can you please give me some advice on how to bring this up in a more direct manner or how I can show him that I really need him to make a decision once in a while. I need him to make a plan or take the lead. It's honestly driving me crazy. I know he means well, it's just really frustrating because I feel like everything is my way and I hate that because I don't feel that way at all. 

Thank you! 
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Re: Needing a little advice on being newly married NWR

  • Alternate dates. First one you pick and he gets no say. Second one he picks and you get no say (obviously if it's something one of you absolutely hates hopefully the other will take that into consideration).
    For dinners make a schedule. Try to do ones that you'll both like most of the week then have a his choice day and a your choice day.

    DH and I had similar problems when we first got married. We both tried to please each other and it was hard to make decisions. It also left both of us feeling like we always did what the other wanted. Now we use this system and it's great. We both are happy that the other is happy and we both get to be happy because we got what we want. It's a good balance.
  • @Teddy917 Thank you for your input. I know we are both in that stage of wanting to be agreeable and want to please the other, but goodness lol I will have to try and see if he will choose thing every other time or we pick things we would like to do during the week and then do those things on the weekend. I just feel like we don't do anything unless it's something I want to do. I have tried to have DH put out ideas and but I still have to pick within the things he's offered. It would just mean a lot if he would just say " I want to go see movie X and I would like to go this weekend" or "I'm really feeling steak tonight" or "Hey I need to run by Lowe's and Books A Million, can we do that today?" Everything is we can this, this, this, this or this, which do you want?" We only do something if I say I want to. I know he's being nice it's just really driving me nuts because I just want him to make a dang decision, to heck if it's not something I want to do, in fact I would actually enjoy it more if it wasn't something I wasn't 100% on board. I just want him to make a decision.
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  • Another idea is to come up with ideas completely seperate, write them down, shove them in a hat/jar/box/whatever draw one out. It works for almost all minor decisions. Obviously big ones should be talked out. But for where to go/what to eat/what to watch on TV that should work.
  • @Teddy917 Thank you, I like that idea. Hopefully that may help with some decision making. 
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  • How did you two make the decisions before you were married?
  • @NYCMercedes We both would openly state if we wanted to do something. It's like a switch went off. It's really strange. He can tell me he disagrees with certain budgeting issues or if he wants a certain plan with our new medical insurance, but I'll be darned if he can't tell me what he wants to do on a Saturday afternoon without making sure I'm 100% on board. It's the strangest thing. 
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  • I think it's honestly something that will just wear off once you're off the wedding high. 
  • What if you ask him to take you on a date and he has to make all the plans; you want it to be a surprise. That will force him to make all the decisions. 
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  • This is me and DH. We are the worst decision makers. I usually end up making the decision. We truly don't care where we go for dinner, or were we go out, etc. If one us really doesn't want to, we say it, but usually it's a go between on whatever you want. We finally decided we need to sometimes say (me mostly) "I need you to make a decision here cos I can't." It works better. For DH, it's not about catering to me, but that he really doesn't have a preference and is cool with whatever I decide. If it wasn't an issue before, I'm sure it will resolve itself. Just let DH know so it can be resolved faster.

  • My FI is somewhat like this. 

    We get paid on opposite Fridays. What we do now is that whoever's payday it is, pays for dinner but the other one chooses where to go. 

    This helps it be not just my decision all the time. 

    When I ask what he'd like for dinner and the response is always, "I don't know, or you pick," I started making my favorites even if they weren't what he'd like. About half the time now he'll throw something out to help me. 
    *msstaticfancypants*
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  • Do you like surprises? I do. "I'd like you to surprise me today with plans." You're telling him what you want but he needs to take the lead.
  • FI does this. He always has, but it definitely got worse after we got engaged. I think it will wear off, but I'm going to take some of these suggestions.

    He is pretty good about picking what to watch, and if he wants to see a movie he'll say so. Usually it's just when it comes to food and what/where we eat. We just don't eat at certain restaurants because they aren't dealbreakers for me one way or the other and he can't stand them. (Or either they made me/us sick the last time we ate there.)
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  • My FI has always done this. I really just don't think he cares. As long as it's food - he's happy.
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