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How long is a gap

thegroomingreythegroomingrey member
10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Does this constitute a gap?  Venues are 5 minutes driving distance away, but we live in a major city so factor in maybe a 5 minute walk to your car as well (street parking is tough, and most will probably park in a garage close to ceremony...reception has many parking spaces).

4:00-4:30 - Ceremony
5:00 - Cocktail hour, with doors technically allowed to open at 4:45 but nothing served until 5:00.

So there's some awkward lag time, admittedly, if you leave the church right away and drive to the venue.  Is this too much, or within realm of reason?  I would think the latter, but I'm learning lots of stuff from The Knot and I want to make sure.
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Re: How long is a gap

  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I think it is reasonable since the doors will open at 4:45, but at the very least, the bar should also be open then. It will be awkward if people are standing around waiting for the bar to open. You will end up with a big line instead of people grabbing drinks as they trickle in. I think it is better to open it right away and close it 15 minutes early than to make people stand around and wait. No one is going to order a drink during the last 15 minutes anyway, because they wouldn't have time to finish it.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Can you talk with your reception venue and let them know what the situation is? Our reception technically didn't start until 4, but we also didn't want guests to be in limbo. We had a full Catholic Mass for our wedding and knew that the Mass length depended on a few factors. Our reception was about a 5-10 minute drive from the ceremony, too. We asked one of DH's cousins to call the reception venue as soon as the ceremony was over to give them a "heads up" and they had the venue ready as soon as she called.




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  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Take my opinion with a grain of salt, because I honestly don't get annoyed with gaps under an hour. That being said, I do prefer it when the reception space is at least open.

    If you can't move up the time that the bar itself opens, could do you at least do something like a champagne greeting? Just have someone from the venue hand out glasses of champagne or another signature drink while guests enter. That way, everyone has something to sip on until the bar opens. This might also alleviate the traffic of everyone rushing to the bar once it opens.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Could you do a receiving line to eat up ten or fifteen of those minutes?
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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I wouldn't consider that to be a gap, but I agree with PPs that you should see if you can bump up the time for the bar to be open, so that guests can get drinks right away and the dreaded mile-long line doesn't form.
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  • thegroomingreythegroomingrey member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    Receiving line is out, I think, because during cocktail hour we will be taking family photos (although with a pre-ordered photo list and efficient photographer).  In respect to our guests, we are doing a first look so that all non-family photos will be finished before the ceremony begins, to eliminate even bigger gaps.

    I like the idea of passing out champagne or making sure the bar is open.  We will clarify if either of these two is an option.  The other thing we were thinking is perhaps passing out glasses of champagne at the church (there is a garden at the church where the photos will be taken).  That way it at least encourages people to linger for 15-20 minutes at the church, so by the time they get to the venue it has already begun.

    I feel for people who say they have to have gaps for scheduling reasons, because often times it is true...for example, our venue is a very popular restaurant in San Francisco, which has a huge brunch culture.  So, to get complete reception access at 4:30, we have to book 4:00-5:00 on top of the extra we are paying for 5:00-6:00 on top of reception time period (the basic package, which is still insanely expensive is that you have access at 6:00 to finish).  This is because SF has a huge brunch culture, so every hour we open up earlier takes an hour out of their brunch profits and thus we have to pay a significant amount.  We cut some things out to avoid a gap and have the hour start at 5:00, but at this point there is no money left to book the 4:00-5:00 window without cutting out major things in the reception.  But with a 5:00 start, they will open to guests as early as 4:45.

    So this is sort of what we're stuck with, which I do think is on the reasonable side of things, but we're trying to find ways to make it better for guests.  I think making sure they can at least be served from our open bar as soon as they get in will probably do it.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I like the idea of champagne at the church.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wouldn't bat an eye at this at all.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    After the ceremony, not everyone rushes to their car. People mill around and visit. People will want to greet you and your family. Thus, not everyone will be walking off at 4:30. It took us over half an hour to just get out of the church. Thus, I think you're probably just fine.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you can't open the bar or start serving drinks at 4:45, how about having some bottled water available?  

    I don't think 15 minutes of gap is the worst thing in the world, especially when people can get into the venue, but it would be nice for them to have some sort of refreshment.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I wouldn't consider that to be a gap. I love the idea of handing out champagne, although it's not necessary. Bottled water and access to rest rooms would be great. Most people won't rush off to their cars right after the ceremony. They'll hang out for a few minutes to say hi to people they know. People, like my husband will rush off to beat the traffic and will drive around looking for the best, closest parking space. They will run into like minded people at the reception venue. We're talking about a 15 minute wait. I've waited longer than that for a table at Longhorne. Mr. Poppy likes to be first in line fore everything. 

                       
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  • 00kim0000kim00 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    thegroomingrey said:

    The other thing we were thinking is perhaps passing out glasses of champagne at the church (there is a garden at the church where the photos will be taken).  That way it at least encourages people to linger for 15-20 minutes at the church, so by the time they get to the venue it has already begun.

    Please don't do this. I was recently at a wedding that did this, and we were all wondering why we had to hang around while the bridal party took pictures and when we'd be able to go to the reception. There were a LOT of people complaining about it and really just wanting to go so we could set our stuff down for the evening and settle in at the location we'd be at. It might be okay if lingering were an option AND the reception area was open, but I'd rather just go to the reception (the wedding i was at handed out bells for the "getaway" and we were told to stay for that photo op, and they wanted the bride and groom to lead a procession of cars to the reception, so we had to wait for them to leave first, after their photos)
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    This doesn't irritate me.  Next year, I will be at a wedding with a 6 hour unhosted gap.  What the hell am I going to do in that time?  Plus, H is in the wedding, so I will be by myself for that time. Joy.
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  • thegroomingreythegroomingrey member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    Hey all.  The only reason moving things up is not possible is that the restaurant has a big brunch scene.  So, the standard package is that dinner starts at 6:00.  If you want to book it earlier, you can only do so in hour blocks, and you must pay the price that they feel is fair in terms of lost profits from brunch (since they have to shut down brunch early for the 3-hour or whatever setup).  We did book the 5:00-6:00 block to avoid a larger gap, but to have the cocktail hour start at 4:45, say, that's literally thousands of extra dollars and we would have to book from 4:00-5:00.  So while we can have people enter for free at 4:45, the cocktail hour wouldn't formally start until 5:00.

    So I think if the general consensus is that we need to start serving immediately, we'd consider it, but given the "thousands for 15 extra minutes" type scenario, we'd like to see if we can find a different way to balance it first.  Does that make sense?

    And although it isn't a Catholic church, assume same issues still stand (4:00 is our only option for ceremony).

    I also don't hate the idea of the receiving line at the church itself...we were hoping to do one anyway at the cocktail hour, since we want to make sure we talk to everybody before the dancing portion starts (we want to dance with our family/friends the entire time).
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  • thegroomingreythegroomingrey member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    scribe95 said:
    Your info on the timing makes sense. Still don't understand why you are resisting a receiving line. It's 10-15 minutes of chatting with guests. Why are you so against it if it solves your problem?
    Hey scribe95...in the last paragraph of my last post I say I don't hate the idea of a receiving line at the church...maybe I worded it in a confusing way.  That seems like the most logical way to handle this, and I'm not against the idea at all.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2014
    themuffinman16 said:
    This doesn't irritate me.  Next year, I will be at a wedding with a 6 hour unhosted gap.  What the hell am I going to do in that time?  Plus, H is in the wedding, so I will be by myself for that time. Joy.
    Pardon the threadjack, but you have a year to educate both the B&G and your FI on what NOT to do. There is NO way in hell they will be taking pictures for 6 hours. Your FI should inform them that whatever is happening for those 6 hours will need to include you. If that is unacceptable to the B&G, then FI should peace out immediately after obligatory pictures and get back to you.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    If you can't move cocktail hour up, I like the idea of champagne at the church. I wouldn't plan on mingling at church or in the parking lot, but in real life I know it will happen, so facilitate it by pouring everyone a drink.

    My understanding was that you didn't want to do a receiving line at church because you wanted to start pictures ASAP, which I think is reasonable. You can do a receiving line in between the cocktail and reception spaces.
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