Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding cards

Hello,

      So when we were going through our cards from our wedding, we seemed to be missing a lot of cards from people. We aren't sure if people didn't give us a card at all, or if they were forgotten. How do we approach this, without making it seem like we are greedy and looking for more gifts, but we also don't want to seem rude for not sending a thank you card if they did give us something and we just didn't get it?

Courage, Strength, and Wisdom will get you through anything

Re: Wedding cards

  • grase16 said:

    Hello,

          So when we were going through our cards from our wedding, we seemed to be missing a lot of cards from people. We aren't sure if people didn't give us a card at all, or if they were forgotten. How do we approach this, without making it seem like we are greedy and looking for more gifts, but we also don't want to seem rude for not sending a thank you card if they did give us something and we just didn't get it?

    Unfortunately there is really no way to do this.  Unless someone says, "Did you get my gift?" there is no polite way to broach the subject.  You know, it is possible that you just didn't get as many cards as expected.




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  • You don't do anything if someone did not send a card or gift. You do know people don't actually have to send you a card or gift or anything right?
  • I know they don't have to, and it's fine if they didn't. Like I said, I just don't want to seem rude by not sending a thank you if they did, and we didn't get it.

    Courage, Strength, and Wisdom will get you through anything
  • grase16 said:

    I know they don't have to, and it's fine if they didn't. Like I said, I just don't want to seem rude by not sending a thank you if they did, and we didn't get it.

    I understand that, but chances are they just didn't give them.  If they gave you a check, they will probably notice that it didn't get deposited and contact you.  Sorry, but there's just nothing you can do. 




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  • Most people don't send thank you cards for cards unless there is money in them. I would just figure they didn't give you anything if you don't have cards.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I don't bring a card to a wedding if I have gotten them a gift usually.  If I have purchased a gift off their registry, I have it mailed to their home shortly before the wedding or shortly after so it arrives after they come back from their honeymoon if they are taking one and I'll have already included a message or card then.  If I'm giving money, I still mail it to their home shortly before or shortly after.

    The only time I've actually brought a card to a wedding is the one time I got hit with massive car repairs shortly before a wedding and knew it would be about 4-6 weeks waiting for a couple of paychecks before I could send a gift.  I was taught that you generally don't bring cards or gifts to weddings because it's an inconvenience for both the guest and the bride and groom needing to keep track of them and transport them home.

    But otherwise yeah - neither a gift nor a card is required, so you say nothing and let them bring it up.
  • I agree with others. You just have to assume they chose to not give a gift/card and do nothing. I do relate to the "OMG, I hope it didn't get lost" when we had close famly members not even give a card, but you do have to just let it go. I do understand it can be confusing or disappointing, but you do have to just let it go. 

    If they did get lost, you just have to hope they will ask you later if you received it when they get no thank you card (Unfortunately etiquette does tell them not to ask if you they don't get a thank you card-- catch 22)

    Keep in mind, sometimes people do send gifts after the fact. We got a couple gift later..but we also did have some people who never gave anything, as well





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