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I feel bad for FI.

climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
in Chit Chat
Now, I know that not everyone needs a bach party. I didn't ask for one, but my friends insisted on taking me away for the weekend back in July. 

As of right now, nothing has been planned for FI. He didn't even want a typical bachelor party - he's not a strip club type of guy. I think he just wanted to go camping for one night, or even just go hang out somewhere for a few hours. He's 40 and this is his first wedding. He's still friends with all of his friends from HS. And honestly, he's got a ton of very close guy friends. He has way more friends than me. I thought at least one of them would have wanted to plan something. He mentioned it in passing this morning, and I could tell he was a little sad. Our wedding is in 10 days, so I'd honestly be shocked if someone pulled something together in the coming days. 

So, no real point to this. I just feel bad for him. Maybe I should take him to the strip club anyway :-P 
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Re: I feel bad for FI.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I feel bad for him too.  That really sucks and I would be so tempted to message one of his friends and say something.  Only because I would hate seeing my SO kinda down in the dumps.  I know that wouldn't be the PC thing to do, but I wouldn't care.

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow, that blows. I feel badly for him, too.




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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Maggie0829 said:
    I feel bad for him too.  That really sucks and I would be so tempted to message one of his friends and say something.  Only because I would hate seeing my SO kinda down in the dumps.  I know that wouldn't be the PC thing to do, but I wouldn't care.


    BOX

    I know. I feel this way too. I'm kind of thinking about texting one of my best friends, who is married to one of FI's very good friends. 
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  • lurkergirllurkergirl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    We are in a similar boat.  I have no advice, but I share your sentiment in terms of feeling bad for FI. :(




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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    I feel bad for him too.  That really sucks and I would be so tempted to message one of his friends and say something.  Only because I would hate seeing my SO kinda down in the dumps.  I know that wouldn't be the PC thing to do, but I wouldn't care.


    BOX

    I know. I feel this way too. I'm kind of thinking about texting one of my best friends, who is married to one of FI's very good friends. 
    Ooh I like that idea.  Then she can be "so is ClimbingBride's FI having a bach party?" all sly like.

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  • goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Awww, poor guy.  :(
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014

    FI ended up not having a bach party either. And when one of his friends decided to try and throw him one, FFIL threw an all-out, teenage-girl level hissy fit and got nasty with FI and his friend because FFIL wouldn't be able to attend. Even had the nerve to tell FI that "someday when he has a son, he'll understand". Mind you, FI had nothing to do with these plans. So needless to say, FI's bach party consisted of him just hanging out with his best couple friend last Friday night. We also won't be seeing FFIL until the day of the wedding, due to his behavior.

    Also, I agree with Maggie you should try and plant a bug in your friend's ear and hopefully your FI's friends will wise up and plan something for him.

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  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    Moderator Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    Aw, I would feel bad too! I ditto PPs and maybe ask one of the good friend's or the best friend that is married to FIs good friend. I hope he gets one!


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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Would it be super out of line for you to plan something simple?  I'd be tempted to get ahold of some of his closest friends and invite them to a bar or restaurant or something, and snag a gift card to that place to cover meals/drinks etc.  (And if there's extra on it you can put it towards a date night later.)  You could orchestrate a get-together for his bachelor party without having to attend, since it seems like he wants something simple anyways.
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  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I have friends who've been married more than 25 years. I don't know if there was a bachelor party for Tom, but I know that every year, he goes on a weekend away with the same set of guys. I'm impressed with that kind of friendship and commitment.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm going to see if I can get some guys together this weekend. FI is already sad that his dad is not coming to the wedding (he's too ill to make the trip up from Florida). FBIL is his best man, and he's pretty much been non-existent from our lives for the last 6 months. I just can't stand to see him not have something, you know?
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    FI had a very last minute one, it was looking like he wasn't going to have one at all. He was bummed too because I was taken OOT for mine and his friends just threw something together last minute. He is now planning on doing a fishing trip in the fall with some of his friends too. I feel your pain on feeling bad for your FI, it sucks because you want to get involved but don't want to look like you had to make his friends do something for him.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I feel bad for your FI too! Even though we always say WP members only have to show up in the proper attire I do think it's thoughtless of them not to do anything. It doesn't have to be a big, expensive thing but just something fun for your friend.


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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My H was bummed too because his more or less fell apart. It's a long story.  His best man ultimately stepped up and they had bro time together a few weeks before the wedding anyway.  

    I agree you should step in. Good luck!

    (Quick silly story... a few years back, H and a couple of his friends tried to plan a Vegas party for a friend; people were spread out around the country. Only he and another guy bought tickets, so they went to Vegas anyway. It turned into a big joke that they went to a bachelor party without the bachelor.  Come to think of it, I don't think the guy really got a bachelor party after all. They had a destination wedding that was one big party so I guess it turned out alright.)
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  • blondeejblondeej member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Same situation was happening here - so I had his sister step in and contact his groomsmen (they're friends due to her and my FI being so close in age) -- and that sparked the plans. Not near as many of his friends showed up as he had hoped - but he at least got to do something.

    Guys suck SO bad at planning this stuff!!  I feel bad for your FI, too. And I didn't care how tacky it was, I wanted to make sure he had something done for him. I had an advantage with having his sister do the contacting - but had I not had her - I still would of done it myself.

    What if you contact his best man and say "hey, just surprise him and show up and go drag him out for drinks and dinner Friday with a few other friends"????

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    blondeej said:
    Same situation was happening here - so I had his sister step in and contact his groomsmen (they're friends due to her and my FI being so close in age) -- and that sparked the plans. Not near as many of his friends showed up as he had hoped - but he at least got to do something.

    Guys suck SO bad at planning this stuff!!  I feel bad for your FI, too. And I didn't care how tacky it was, I wanted to make sure he had something done for him. I had an advantage with having his sister do the contacting - but had I not had her - I still would of done it myself.

    What if you contact his best man and say "hey, just surprise him and show up and go drag him out for drinks and dinner Friday with a few other friends"????
    Unfortunately his best man is his brother, who lives in Florida. He's not flying in until the day before the wedding. Friday during the day we're going rock climbing, then we have the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. So even if FI wanted to do something Friday, I don't think there'd be much time. Best man, along with FI and myself, are all staying at the venue Friday night, which is 1.5 hours away from our hometown, where most of FI's friends live. The logistics just don't seem to work, which totally sucks. 

    Hopefully I can try to get something to happen this Saturday night. I'm working on it. 
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Neither DH nor I had real bachelor/bachelorette parties.  His BM lives about an hour away and has 4 young kids, so has trouble finding time to get away. He didn't invite any other friends to the wedding (we only had 25 guests).  I had two MOH's... I live in AZ, ones lives in FL, and one lives in MI.  Getting together for a bachelorette party wasn't feasible.  But, we did all go out together the night before the wedding, since everyone was finally in same location, just to do something. So, I guess you could say we had a joint party, but there was minimal drinking and we were home by 10pm, because we didn't want to be exhausted or hung over for the wedding. 

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