Wedding Etiquette Forum

Walking down the aisle alone

Me and my father don't have the typical father daughter relationship. My parents split up when I was 3 and he's pretty much been gone since then. I have been raised by the "village" you could say, and have worked and earned everything I have nothing was ever easy and given to me with that said we are paying for our own wedding. I want to walk down the aisle alone I feel like it would represent my independence, be more formal and in sync . I did't think this was a big deal (I've had that idea for years now) but a couple of my friends have asked me who is walking me and they FREAK out when I tell them no one, and offer for them to do it (rolling my eyes its nice just not going to happen). Is my way SO crazy? Am I missing something here?

Re: Walking down the aisle alone

  • Nope, your choice of who (or who not) to have you walk down the aisle is a very personal one and affects no one else.  Feel free to walk down on your own!
    Anniversary

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  • If you want to walk solo down the aisle then that is your choice to make.  Ignore what your friends say because they are making a big deal out of nothing.  If you are comfortable with your choice then that is all that matters.

  • My sister walked alone.  She and my dad have been estranged for years and that was 20+ years ago, when they still kinda sorta talked.

     

    I asked my older brother.  This caused a row with my father and I never meant to hurt his feelings, but it was my choice.  I have had a unique relationship with my dad over the years.  He hadn't been "daddy" since I was 14-15. 

     

  • perdonamiperdonami member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2014
    I had the same problem that you seem to be experiencing right now. And all I can is, what a headache it all was! So, I can sympathsize with your situation. 

    I found that some of my friends and family didn't quite understand why I chose to walk down the aisle with my brother (originally he said no, and my MOH was going to do it, but she freaked out literally last minute that my ceremony was godless and stepped down) because they do have good relationships with their father. 

    Unfortunately, for us we don't seem to have the same wonderful relationship with our respective biological fathers and friends and family don't need to understand why that is. All your friends need to do is support you in whatever traditions you choose to participate in or not. 

    The ceremony is all yours and they have no right to tell you on how to do your ceremony; You are getting married, not them. 

    ETA: I also wanted to say that I regret nothing about my choices for my ceremony and a lot of my guests said they loved my ceremony as well. However, if I listened to what other people wanted, I would have had tons of regrets.
  • Sure you can walk alone. I did at my wedding. Nothing wrong with what you want to do. Just ignore your friends.
  •     I'm walking down the aisle alone and I have a great relationship with my father. I'll be 45 when I get married and I'd feel silly being 'given away'. 
  • This is one of the very few times that you'll hear us say this:

    This is YOUR day.  Do what you want.  (with regards to walking down the aisle)
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    When my sister was married, she chose to walk down the aisle with her FI,  It was lovely.

    I only have one question for you.  How high are the shoes you are wearing?  The reason for the escort is to steady you and to prevent you from tripping or falling.  I have seen it happen. 
    Other than this, I agree with the others.  You get to choose to either walk alone, or to walk with another person of YOUR choice.
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  • CMGragain said:

    I only have one question for you:  How high are the shoes you are wearing?  The reason for the escort is to steady you and to prevent you from tripping or falling.  I have seen it happen. 

    Which was important to me because we were walking through sand and I was feeling kind of ditzy the day of my wedding. Totally stubbed my toe while walking and chipped my big toe.. never said I was graceful.
  • I'm walking down the aisle with Fi, but if that were the case then I'd be alone. I love my parents and we have a good relationship, but I've always felt very independent in my life choices (and my parents always encouraged that).
  • I'm either going to walk down alone or have FI walk me down. I like the idea of walking down together, because I think it gives an accurate picture of the fact that we are coming into marriage together, as a partnership and a team, both deciding to take this step. But I also like the idea of walking down alone, because I am a very independent person.

  • It's not crazy at all, OP. This is one of those things where I think it's 100% okay to play the "it's my wedding" card. If you are cool with walking down the aisle by yourself, there is no reason to walk down with your dad (or anyone else for that matter) if it won't mean much to you--or worse, will make you really uncomfortable. Don't worry about what other people think of your choice. You gotta do what feels right for you.
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  • No, it isn't crazy to walk down the aisle alone.

    There aren't many instances where "it's your day, do whatever you want" applies for a wedding, but this is one.  Let anyone who freaks out know that this is your decision alone to make, without judgment being passed on you.
  • Your friends are being totally ridiculous.

    I am walking by myself and my mom is losing her shit about it, like your friends. I have never met my dad, so that obviously wasn't an option. And I am not interested in asking one of my uncles, like she suggested.She has all but demanded that I let her do it, so that no one "thinks I am an orphan". FFS, mom, nobody thinks that.
  • There is nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone if that it what you think is best for you. I walked solo down the aisle and it was fine with me. My dad chose not to come to the wedding (long story) - my mom offered if I wanted, my uncle offered if I wanted, but I wanted to walk myself down. I consider myself a very independent person, so being "given away" by someone wouldn't have felt right to me.
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  • koriemo said:

    I'm either going to walk down alone or have FI walk me down. I like the idea of walking down together, because I think it gives an accurate picture of the fact that we are coming into marriage together, as a partnership and a team, both deciding to take this step. But I also like the idea of walking down alone, because I am a very independent person.

    This is my thought exactly.

    "This is one of the most important and life changing journeys that I'll ever make, of course I want you by my side every step of the way!" is what I told Fi. :)
  • I see nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone and I think your reasoning is awesome. I don't have a great relationship with my family, and I thought about walking by myself as well. My FI actually came up with the idea of asking his younger brother, who will be 15 when we get married, to walk me down the aisle. I love the idea, the little guy was only 4 when my FI and I started dating, and he's sort of become my little brother too. We haven't asked him yet, but I'm positive he'll be honored :)
  • OP -- It is totally fine to walk down the aisle by yourself. At my sister's wedding, she had my dad and my mom walk her. Neither of us have a good relationship with our dad. He caused a lot of stress leading up to my sister's wedding and I expect that he will do so with mine if I let him. Right now, I plan to walk by myself.

    For a lot of us, there is no beauty or tenderness in the father-daughter relationship, and the moment of being given away would be hollow, or worse yet a painful reminder of the hurt a father can cause. It's sad but true. 

    I'm very sorry that some of the people in your life can't understand why you would feel this way. But you have to do what feels best for you. 
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  • I'm planning my wedding now and have been stressing about the same thing.  My father's parents were the ones who raised me and I've had such an off-and-on relationship with my father... and a really off relationship with him since my grandparents passed away 2 years ago.  I know my grandfather always wished for me to embrace my father a lot more but just a lot of junk going that makes it tough.   I'm planning on talking with him regardless about him coming to the wedding etc, but because he's a loose cannon, I'm not feeling that great about it.

    My aunt, who I've been really close with all of my life, has suggested that her sons (now 21 and 20) walk me down because their dad (who passed away a good 6 years ago) was very close to me as well.  But I don't think that's appropriate.  (and she's really just trying to push them into the program so she can be in like a MOB type of position... that's a whole other thread).

    I have three brothers, and if I ask my older brother to do it, it will hurt the feelings of my two younger brothers who I'm closer with (the younger brothers and I have the same Dad). 

    I think I'm just going to walk my own damn self down the aisle.  I realized that it's not about just having any ole person walk you down the aisle, it's about what makes you happy.  I admit that I feel like it's not 'traditional' but at the same time, my life has not been that traditional anyway.  So why be so bothered about it when it's who I am? 

    It's your wedding.  Do what makes you happy in this regard!

  • I am close with both of my parents and I am still walking myself down the aisle.

    I have always thought the "giving away" tradition was sexist and now that I am over 30, It just seems weird to me.  I don't worry about what anyone else thinks - do what feels right to you.
  • I will either be walking down by myself or with my FI. I love my father very much, but I haven't lived at home for 12+ years and my FI and I decided to get married together. I am not being "given away" in any sense and I am not comfortable representing that tradition. That said, I don't think that walking down the aisle with your father has to mean that you're being given away. In some regards it could be a sweet way to show how your father loves and supports you in your marriage decision. Ultimately it should be your decision and no one else's. Your friends are being unfair and close-minded. Do what makes you most comfortable and happy. 
  • allispain said:
    There is nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone if that it what you think is best for you. I walked solo down the aisle and it was fine with me. My dad chose not to come to the wedding (long story) - my mom offered if I wanted, my uncle offered if I wanted, but I wanted to walk myself down. I consider myself a very independent person, so being "given away" by someone wouldn't have felt right to me.
    @allispain sorry if you've already addressed this, but I have to know--is your username Alli Spain, or All is Pain? Because I read it as the latter and immediately thought of The Princess Bride when Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something" and it made me smile.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • allispain said:
    There is nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone if that it what you think is best for you. I walked solo down the aisle and it was fine with me. My dad chose not to come to the wedding (long story) - my mom offered if I wanted, my uncle offered if I wanted, but I wanted to walk myself down. I consider myself a very independent person, so being "given away" by someone wouldn't have felt right to me.
    @allispain sorry if you've already addressed this, but I have to know--is your username Alli Spain, or All is Pain? Because I read it as the latter and immediately thought of The Princess Bride when Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something" and it made me smile.
    Just as a thread high jack, Cary Elwes' book (a behind the scene look at the making of the Princess Bride) came out today: http://www.amazon.com/As-You-Wish-Inconceivable-Princess/dp/1476764026

    I met him in person not long ago and, although I don't have a lot of experiences to compare it to, he was an incredibly kind and gracious celebrity. 
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  • allispain said:
    There is nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone if that it what you think is best for you. I walked solo down the aisle and it was fine with me. My dad chose not to come to the wedding (long story) - my mom offered if I wanted, my uncle offered if I wanted, but I wanted to walk myself down. I consider myself a very independent person, so being "given away" by someone wouldn't have felt right to me.
    @allispain sorry if you've already addressed this, but I have to know--is your username Alli Spain, or All is Pain? Because I read it as the latter and immediately thought of The Princess Bride when Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something" and it made me smile.
    Just as a thread high jack, Cary Elwes' book (a behind the scene look at the making of the Princess Bride) came out today: http://www.amazon.com/As-You-Wish-Inconceivable-Princess/dp/1476764026

    I met him in person not long ago and, although I don't have a lot of experiences to compare it to, he was an incredibly kind and gracious celebrity. 

    I am going to see him read from his book on Friday. So stoked!

    As for the topic, my friend walked down the aisle with her FI.  I thought it was incredibly romantic.

  • edited October 2014
    CMGragain said: When my sister was married, she chose to walk down the aisle with her FI,  It was lovely.

    I only have one question for you.  How high are the shoes you are wearing?  The reason for the escort is to steady you and to prevent you from tripping or falling.  I have seen it happen. 
    Other than this, I agree with the others.  You get to choose to either walk alone, or to walk with another person of YOUR choice.
    --------------------------- Actually, I was getting all ready to echo PPs by saying you do you and walk yourself, but this post made me think.  I had my dad walk me down the aisle. I had zero "jitters" for the wedding and was really excited to get married. I was calm, cool, collected all day long.
    However, when it came my time to walk in the door, my heart started pounding out of my chest, and as we started to walk my dad also whispered to me, "slow down!"  I probably looked like a deer in the headlights walking down the aisle.  Reflecting back, I don't know how I would have handled a solo stroll. Maybe I would have power-walked down the aisle or something. Moral of story: escorts are handy.  Everyone has a different emotional reaction the day-of.  But again, you do you!  
    Edit: quote box disappeared. 
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  • allispain said:
    There is nothing wrong with walking down the aisle alone if that it what you think is best for you. I walked solo down the aisle and it was fine with me. My dad chose not to come to the wedding (long story) - my mom offered if I wanted, my uncle offered if I wanted, but I wanted to walk myself down. I consider myself a very independent person, so being "given away" by someone wouldn't have felt right to me.
    @allispain sorry if you've already addressed this, but I have to know--is your username Alli Spain, or All is Pain? Because I read it as the latter and immediately thought of The Princess Bride when Wesley tells Buttercup "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something" and it made me smile.
    Haha the Spain one, though the Princess Bride reference makes me happy. I hadn't even thought of it!
    image
  • I walked down the aisle alone. When I got to our gazebo, DH met me and we walked to the alter together. It was lovely.

     



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