mini bridezilla'ish rant

gingerbride82 · September 2014

AHHH,

So for as long as I can remember my "aunt" has said she wants to do my bridal bouquets (silks). I'm not super big into flowers anyway so I never put much weight in the conversation.. but here we are. You guys, if someone offers to handle something of this nature for you, just..don't. I've sent her pictures, colors, etc.. for someone who supposedly does this kind of stuff fairly regularly you would think it would be cake work... wrong.

Long story short; my bouquet is done; and I'm surprisingly quite pleased! We've moved on to the maids' now... for the life of me I can't get her to understand to just do SMALLER versions of mine... because, and I quote "yours really isn't that big, and if we do smaller it won't have the right shape" what shape?!! just slap some frickin flowers together.

The thing that lights my ass up the most about the whole situation is that out of guilted obligation we let her do this, because SHE WANTED TO; yet somehow every expense related to the making of the bouquets has fallen on my mother.. excuuuse me? That's like saying "hey, let me take you to dinner for your birthday.." then "2 checks please!"

I just, can't. But I will. I'll suck it up, smile, and thank her.. with gritted teeth.

smalfrie19 · September 2014

I feel like when its something that required supplies and labor, you really should cover the cost of supplies for her.

My aunt was APALLED that we were not doing favors and so she offered to do them, but I still supplied the chocolate and the tulle that the favors were made out of.

gingerbride82 · September 2014

Yes... but SHE INSISTED on doing them.. as opposed to letting me go to the florist and get REAL flowers at 2/3 of the cost she's incurred so far.. She would've been offended if I said, actually.. I'm getting my flowers from XYZ, thanks though..

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

gingerbride82 said:

AHHH,
So for as long as I can remember my "aunt" has said she wants to do my bridal bouquets (silks). I'm not super big into flowers anyway so I never put much weight in the conversation.. but here we are. You guys, if someone offers to handle something of this nature for you, just..don't. I've sent her pictures, colors, etc.. for someone who supposedly does this kind of stuff fairly regularly you would think it would be cake work... wrong. My mother is making my bouquets and floral arrangements for me because I don't know how to do it myself, but that doesn't mean I just throw some flowers at her and she whips up a bouquet. She still needs my input so that she creates what I want. This is the same as talking to a vendor who is going to make your wedding cake. . . you still have to communicate with them. Maybe your Aunt needed more input from you besides just the pictures you send her? People tend to err on the side of caution when dealing with Brides ;-)
Long story short; my bouquet is done; and I'm surprisingly quite pleased! We've moved on to the maids' now... for the life of me I can't get her to understand to just do SMALLER versions of mine... because, and I quote "yours really isn't that big, and if we do smaller it won't have the right shape" what shape?!! just slap some frickin flowers together. Uh no, that's not how making a floral bouquet works at all. Bouquets have shapes- nose gay, arm sheaf, composite, cascade, etc. and you don't just slap flowers together to make them up. And you can't always use every type of flower in every type of bouquet.

As you said, you don't really know anything about making bouquets so you need to try and meet with your Aunt halfway so that you understand what she is trying to explain to you, and so that she is able to make the bouquets how you want them to be.
The thing that lights my ass up the most about the whole situation is that out of guilted obligation we let her do this, because SHE WANTED TO; yet somehow every expense related to the making of the bouquets has fallen on my mother.. excuuuse me? That's like saying "hey, let me take you to dinner for your birthday.." then "2 checks please!" Not really. Had you hired a florist to make real bouquets for you, you would have had to pay for all of the flowers, floral tape, and labor that goes into making the bouquets. Why did you assume your Aunt was going to bu all of the supplies AND make the bouquets for you as well? Is that what she offered to do? Sounds like you all had a communication issue from the start of this project.

I just, can't. But I will. I'll suck it up, smile, and thank her.. with gritted teeth.

gingerbride82 · September 2014

She's always stated that "that'll be my gift to you" the word GIFT insinuated she would absorb the costs..

Maggie0829 · September 2014

She offered/insisted on MAKING your flowers not MAKING and PAYING for your flowers.

And as PrettyGirl said, there is a lot more to putting together a bouquet then just slapping flowers together. And working with silks is sometimes more difficult then real because real flowers can be forgiving where silks, not so much.

So take 30 minutes of your time and meet with your Aunt so she can show you what she is talking about. Then you can give your input as well.

gingerbride82 · September 2014

she's 3 states away, we have met twice on my last visits home however.. I'm just a little bitter about not really having a choice in letting her.. she just kinda hi-jacked the task.. I'll get over it... and like I said, be thankful to her.. just needed to vent..

climbingsingle · September 2014

One of my very best friends offered to make my brooch bouquets. She told me that was her gift to me. She paid for all of the materials. Just my $0.02

Maggie0829 · September 2014

This is why one should never assume something and also why one needs to learn the word "No."

You did have a choice you just didn't forcibly tell her no.

As for the "gift", maybe she thinks her gift is that she physically made them not that she covered the costs. But you should just never assume because then it leads to issues like you are seeing.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2014

gingerbride82 said:

She's always stated that "that'll be my gift to you" the word GIFT insinuated she would absorb the costs..

Then I would have assumed she wold be paying for them as well, but that was a matter for your mother to discuss with her when she started invoicing your mother.

gingerbride82 said:

she's 3 states away, we have met twice on my last visits home however.. I'm just a little bitter about not really having a choice in letting her.. she just kinda hi-jacked the task.. I'll get over it... and like I said, be thankful to her.. just needed to vent..

You are an adult, so you always have a choice! Learn how to politely and tactfully say "No" to people and to stand up for yourself.

emanon321 · September 2014

I would really like to see a picture of the finished bouquet. Maybe we can help you communicate what you want better.

One time I was having trouble with my hair stylist. She just wasn't getting what I was describing. When I was talking to someone else about my issues, they described it in different words. Sure enough, next time I used my friends (much broader) hair vocabulary and I got what I was after!

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

Meh - I see both sides here. Obviously the first conversation should have gone:

Aunt: I want to do your flowers

Ginger: Oh gee, thanks. How much will you charge? Will you expect me to cover the supplies?

Aunt/Ginger: blah blah blah about what exactly this would entail

And quite frankly, if Aunt said "this is your gift from me", I would think she was covering the cost. But that's why open communication BEFORE accepting wedding related help is so important.

OP - sucks that it's stressing you out. But since she's charging for it, ask her to make it work with the supplies she's been given since you're already over budget as is.

tammym1001 · September 2014

My MIL did the flowers for my wedding. She did real flowers and not fake, but it was kind of the same situation. I offered to pay for the materials even though it was our wedding gift because I wasn't sure if just the labor and set up was her gift. I didn't want anything to be weird so I just offered to pay for the materials and she told me no that it was all a gift. That helped clear that up pretty quickly.

As we were figuring stuff out I freaked out a little bit like you are because I felt like I maybe couldn't tell her that I didn't like something or else I would hurt her feelings and I was wishing that I could have just hired someone so I could tell them exactly what to do. In the end, I told her to do what she thought would look good and everything turned out beautifully. If your aunt does this sort of thing all the time then you should trust that it will turn out well. Also, if you're concerned about your mom covering the costs of the materials then you should offer to reimburse her.

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