Not engaged yet

michelle929 · September 2014

I am not engaged yet but my boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and he told me that when the moment is right he will propose. We have been together for 2 years and I was wondering if it was to early to start just trying on dresses.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

Yeah, I'd say it is. I am a little over a year out and I'm not even looking at dresses beyond an occasional Google search. My dress isn't going to be super elaborate or ornate; likely I'll start seriously looking at about 6 months, because I'll be buying from either ModCloth or a local department store. I know some ladies started looking well before that, but I definitely wouldn't do it before I was for sure engaged, no matter what style I was looking for.

Of course, that's just me.

bwy · September 2014

I definitely would not look at wedding dresses. I've been engaged for three months and didn't even go to stores until last weekend. EDIT: Of course, my situation is different. However I wouldn't look at dresses until you are engaged.

CMGragain · September 2014

Yes. Wait until you are officially engaged. I "talked about getting married" with several guys until I finally found the right one. One actually proposed. You have plenty of time to worry about wedding details. Relax, and enjoy the ride.

KytchynWitche · September 2014

Definitely too early. Don't be in such a rush.

When I was in my best friend's wedding several years ago, I dreamed up a wedding dress for myself, despite the fact that I wasn't even dating anyone at the time. By the time FI and I started talking about getting married, I had another idea altogether. After we got engaged, I ended up "picking" 5 different dresses before I finally settled on the the one. Why? Because plans, and people, change. We went from planning a mid-winter, formal dinner-dance, to a casual, mid-morning, summer wedding. And my weight has gone up and down like a yo-yo for the last 3 years too.

If I had bought the first dress (or any of the others, for that matter), I would be miserable now because it's all wrong - it doesn't fit either my shape OR my personality anymore, it doesn't fit the season, the time, or the formality of our wedding.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't watch SYTTD or have the occasional gander at dresses online, but don't go trying them on and DEFINITELY don't go buying them until you have that ring on your finger!

missdelilah · September 2014

I agree with PPs that you should put dress shopping off. Keep in mind that an engagement may run for a few years. You don't want to purchase something now, only to find out that you no longer love it by the time your wedding rolls around.

Keep in mind that the dress you choose will be heavily dependent on the venue, time, and season of your wedding, so you want to get that sorted, or at least have a good idea first.

Make sure to give yourself time when you start looking. Designer dresses usually take several months to arrive after you place an order, and you need to leave time for alterations. It's much less of a hassle to buy something nice off the rack, or from a not specifically bridal store, but it really depends on the look you want.

CMGragain is right. I'm sure most of us have talked marriage with at least one man before we found our current FIs or DHs.

AddieCake · September 2014

Trying on wedding dresses before you are engaged is silly, and you will just be playing dress up.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

I think trying on dresses when you're not engaged in totally crazy.

charlottesmom0626 · September 2014

I think it depends on your actual situation.

How far did you discuss wedding planning? Are you positive you're ready to marry this person and he's ready to marry you? If you found a dress would you actually purchase it? Do you have a date set for the wedding? I think if you don't know your venue or date it's sort of hard to figure out how you want your dress to feel for the wedding...

My current FI and I went looking at venues and were making decisions about our wedding before we were officially engaged because he wanted to have a ring custom made. We had previously discussed marriage and we had decided to get married in the Spring of 2015, so when he realized the ring would take a few months to come in, we had begun planning and booking the wedding. So we weren't "engaged" with a ring, but we had committed to the marriage.

larrygaga · September 2014

Focus more on your relationship and this big, big commitment with him more than the wedding itself.

climbingsingle · September 2014

RebeccaFlower said:
I think trying on dresses when you're not engaged in totally crazy.

Completely and totally agree.

BreMR · September 2014

I also think bridal shops frown upon people who come in to try on dresses just for funsies. Not that they can stop you, but it's something to think about.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Yeah, it's way too early for that. Focus on your relationship.

manateehugger · September 2014

If you think an engagement is coming, you've got wayyyy more important shit to be thinking of than a wedding dress. Start thinking on finances, living situation, kids, etc. and how those will play out if you do become engaged/married.

Even in wedding planning terms, you've got more important shit to be concerned with than the dress. Slow your roll and think more about the marriage you'd have with this guy than the wedding you'd have with this guy.

lightningsnow · September 2014

I agree with PPs. I'm not engaged yet either and my BF and I have been together for over 5 years. We've discussed getting married but he will propose when he is ready and can afford to purchase my ring. I understand that you can be engaged without a ring but it's something important to us.

Also I think looking at dresses online is okay but definitely not trying them on. You have no idea how much could change in that timeframe. Just enjoy your relationship now and wait until you are actually engaged to start trying on the dresses.

lurkergirl · September 2014

michelle929 said:

I am not engaged yet but my boyfriend and I have talked about getting married and he told me that when the moment is right he will propose. We have been together for 2 years and I was wondering if it was to early to start just trying on dresses.

You have to figure out the marriage before you can plan the wedding.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Just enjoy life for now. I was with a guy for a while and we had been talking marriage. I got giddy and started buying bridal magazines. When we broke up (not saying you will) was super disappointed because I had so many wedding dreams.

chibiyui · September 2014

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed.

BUT.

We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet.

Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride.

Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

artbyallie · September 2014

I didn't even look at dresses online until after he ordered the ring (I picked the store, he picked the ring and showed me before ordering).

Slow your roll and make sure you've thought about all the not-fun-to-plan stuff (money, kids, religion, etc.) before you get started on 'yay wedding!' mode.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed. BUT. We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet. Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride. Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Yes. Absolutely yes.

And remember that a lot of people who work in dress shops work on consignment. Playing dress-up and "Future maybe what if" window shopping takes up their time and hurts their numbers.

What if he propoes a year from now and you get married a year after that? A lot of dresses you love a lot more could come out in that time.

charlottesmom0626 · September 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed. BUT. We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet. Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride. Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.

For me it was a title for other people. When I would say my fiance, people would look to my left hand. If I said I was planning a wedding, people would say "but you aren't engaged!"

chibiyui · September 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed.

BUT.

We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet.

Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride.

Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.

We were "engaged" but not "officially"

It's very arbitrary. We both considered ourselves engaged, but there is a certain, emotional response to actually being asked to marry him rather than us being like when should we plan this and what are we looking for. To an extent though, it's just ceremony.

Also, we didn't publicly announce anything until after the ring.

So, it's kinda like the difference being Facebook official.

H waited to ask for the ring, because he put a lot of planning into the ring, not because I "needed" it.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

butterscotchjbeans said:

chibiyui said:

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed. BUT. We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet. Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride. Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.
We were "engaged" but not "officially" It's very arbitrary. We both considered ourselves engaged, but there is a certain, emotional response to actually being asked to marry him rather than us being like when should we plan this and what are we looking for. To an extent though, it's just ceremony. Also, we didn't publicly announce anything until after the ring. So, it's kinda like the difference being Facebook official. H waited to ask for the ring, because he put a lot of planning into the ring, not because I "needed" it.

I totally understand this, since I am in the same situation, we know we are getting married, we are looking at options and things like that, but he hasn't gotten on one knee and asked "officially" to be his wife, or given me the ring. I know I am engaged, my parents and closest friends know it, I just want to avoid the stupid question ...."and the ring?"

I don't see myself trying on dresses yet, first of all because we are set on 2016 april or may, and because I want to lose 25 pounds before I try dresses on.

A ring doesn't make me engaged. I don't need it, but FI is putting some effort to make the proposal special and a surprise.

I understand the concept, but I guess I don't understand not putting it out there (so to speak) that you're engaged. This probably stems from the fact that my mother got an 'engagement' ring for their 5 year anniversary, so it's always something I didn't think you needed. I guess I just think if you've made the conscious decision to marry, you are engaged but I suppose society doesn't agree.

huskypuppy14 · September 2014

charlottesmom0626 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed. BUT. We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet. Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride. Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.

For me it was a title for other people. When I would say my fiance, people would look to my left hand. If I said I was planning a wedding, people would say "but you aren't engaged!"

Well those people are ignorant. A coworker of mine got married the same day as I did. She never had an engagement ring, but obviously she was engaged.

I do understand the "officially" engaged with or without a ring though. My husband and I knew we wanted to marry each other about a year before he officially proposed. He also bought my ring 5 months before he proposed. Sure I looked online for venue and dress ideas, but I didn't plan anything until we were engaged.

steph861 · September 2014

I have a friend who had a long engagement but they never actually started planning the wedding. By chance, she saw a dress she loved, so she tried it on and bought it, assuming she could save it for whenever they did start planning. Several years later, she decided that it just wasn't what she wanted anymore and is trying to sell it, which is easier said than done.

moutonrouge · September 2014

I think unless you have a date set when the wedding will occur, and are moving in that direction (e.g., deposits, STDs) then you can try on a dress safely without a formal marriage proposal.

But if he has said, "When the time is right..." and you've got nothing else, I would pump the brakes on the dresses. Too many friends have thought the time was right several times before the proposal actually occurred.

BFF actually told me she wasn't expecting a proposal on the day she got engaged because there had been too many other occasions when she got her hopes up and no ring appeared. Whether that's healthy is another discussion. But I think the number of people I know who felt this way indicates that dress shopping in advance is not wise.

blabla89 · September 2014

Don't do it. Wedding planning makes people go crazy. Enjoy your sanity, while you still have it.

lightningsnow · September 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

butterscotchjbeans said:

chibiyui said:

RebeccaFlower said:

chibiyui said:

I tried on dresses before H officially proposed.

BUT.

We had set a date, and had our venue booked before as well, we were actively planning our wedding, I just didn't have a ring yet.

Aside from the much more important relationship stuff PP'S have mentioned, you should have at minimum a date, budget and venue set. Slow your toll and enjoy the ride.

Start a secret pinterest board and pin styles you like to get the looking at dresses fix if you need, but just have fun with it. Nothing is set in stone.

I'm just curious, but why didn't you see yourself as engaged? Do you think the ring makes the engagement? I think if you're planning your wedding, it's absurd not to consider yourself engaged. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just curious about your train of thought.
We were "engaged" but not "officially"

It's very arbitrary. We both considered ourselves engaged, but there is a certain, emotional response to actually being asked to marry him rather than us being like when should we plan this and what are we looking for. To an extent though, it's just ceremony.

Also, we didn't publicly announce anything until after the ring.

So, it's kinda like the difference being Facebook official.

H waited to ask for the ring, because he put a lot of planning into the ring, not because I "needed" it.

I totally understand this, since I am in the same situation, we know we are getting married, we are looking at options and things like that, but he hasn't gotten on one knee and asked "officially" to be his wife, or given me the ring. I know I am engaged, my parents and closest friends know it, I just want to avoid the stupid question ...."and the ring?"

I don't see myself trying on dresses yet, first of all because we are set on 2016 april or may, and because I want to lose 25 pounds before I try dresses on.

A ring doesn't make me engaged. I don't need it, but FI is putting some effort to make the proposal special and a surprise.

I understand the concept, but I guess I don't understand not putting it out there (so to speak) that you're engaged. This probably stems from the fact that my mother got an 'engagement' ring for their 5 year anniversary, so it's always something I didn't think you needed. I guess I just think if you've made the conscious decision to marry, you are engaged but I suppose society doesn't agree.

I know in our case that my parents would not consider us engaged unless he asked for their blessing and give me a ring. That is how it works in my family as well as his. We've discussed getting married, we know we want to get married. However it is not the right time for us to do so.

Some families just function that way. Hell my parents didn't get married until I was 3 years old and my father didn't propose to my mother in a grandiose way.

bride2b71614 · September 2014

I think that it's best to hold off on dress shopping until you have a proposal, venue and date booked. Designers turn dresses out twice a year. You may have a dream dress, but it could change by the time your wedding rolls around/you could have dress regret.

Feel free to google, browse, and watch SYTTD to your hearts content, but please do not go into a boutique to play dress up. Enjoy your relationship as it is now. The time for dress shopping will come, but get a will you marry me first.

Not engaged yet

Re: Not engaged yet

Choose Another Board

Search Boards