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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Father vs. Step-Father Walking Down the Aisle

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad was a big part of my life for a few years afterwards. He then moved away and I would only hear from him once every three months or so.  As I got older, the calls were few and far between, but I grew to understand that was just the way my dad was...and I think he actually thinks he has been involved in his own way. Needless to say, he is a bit oblivious to the way the rest of the world works outside of his life.

My mom remarried when I was 8 and I had a rocky relationship with my step-dad until I graduated high school.  Something changed when I moved away and now we have been so incredibly close for the past 10 years.  I even starting calling him dad, which I swore would never happen when I was younger.

Now that I am getting married, I am facing the dilemma of who to walk me down the aisle.  My mom told me that my step-dad would be heartbroken if it wasn't him, since he is the one who raised, supported and provided for me since I was young (my bio-dad rarely even paid child support).  However, I am my bio-dad's only child (my step-dad has a daughter and son) and I am worried that even though he has been absent, he won't understand me wanting to walk with my step-dad.

To make matters worse, my dad and step-dad HATE each other so I'm not sure a friendly handshake/hand-off will be an option.

Advice on how to include both in the walk/giving away and how to approach the situation? I'm trying to be traditional, but looking for some unconventional ideas for the ceremony.

I really appreciate the help!  Especially since everyone involved in the wedding planning is on team step-dad so I haven't had any unbiased opinions.

Re: Father vs. Step-Father Walking Down the Aisle

  • My cousin had a similar dilemma- she had her stepfather walk her halfway down the aisle and her father the rest of the way.  She said that neither was thrilled with the idea at first, but in the end both were happy to get to be involved.  They didn't do a handshake or anything during hand-off, but it didn't look weird to me as a guest.
    Another option is your mom walking you down the aisle...it sounds like she's been in your life the whole time. 
  • Why not have bio-dad give you away and stepdad do the father-daughter dance?
  • My SIL had this same situation.  She asked her dad to walk her down the aisle (her step-dad escorted her mom down the aisle).  During the father / daughter dance, she started off dancing with her dad, who handed her off to her step-dad halfway through.  Dad & step dad didn't get along, either.  But, they sucked it up for her.

    Another option is to walk down the aisle alone, or with your mom. 
  • I have a fine relationship with my father, but I'll be walking down the aisle either alone or with my FH. Choosing between your fathers is not your only option.
  • You could also have them both walk you down the aisle- one on each side so then there won't be a hand off or anything to deal with. That's what my stepsister did when she got married last year and it was really lovely.
  • I somewhat had this problem when I got married. As it turned out my dad and step-dad put it aside for me and walked me down the aisle together. Then my step-dad gave me a hug and shook my dad's hand. My dad was the one who gave me away to my husband. I then did a father-daughter dance with both of them at the reception.
    Maybe having them both walk down the aisle could be an option for you.
     I hope this help!
  • I somewhat had this problem when I got married. As it turned out my dad and step-dad put it aside for me and walked me down the aisle together. Then my step-dad gave me a hug and shook my dad's hand. My dad was the one who gave me away to my husband. I then did a father-daughter dance with both of them at the reception.
    Maybe having them both walk down the aisle could be an option for you.
     I hope this help!

    Stuck in box...

    The OP says that her biological father and stepfather HATE each other so having them both walk her down the aisle isn't an option.

    The most they should be expected to do involving each other is put their personal animosity toward each other on the shelf for the day.
  • I would ask your mom to walk you down the aisle. Who says it has to be man? :) Seems like best way to handle it. 

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