My MOH is driving me crazy! Help!

mmoss042515 · September 2014

I really regret asking my MOH to be MOH instead of a BM. She is driving me nuts. All she wants to do is talk about my wedding and then she makes rude comments about everything we are doing. She told me that my colors suck, that the food sounds awful, how I am not spending enough money on her, etc. I just want her to be out. How can I tell her to not be a part of my wedding anymore? I don't care if we are friends at this point.

sarawifenow · September 2014

Well since you don't want to be friends anymore just tell her to GTFO.

Why don't you try talking to her about how she is making you feel before you just burn this friendship? Maybe there are things going on in her life that she needs to talk to a friend about.

LittleWohlscheid · September 2014

Stand your ground and tell her to cut it out. Ask her why she's doing what she's doing. If there's something deeper than her just being rude, talk it out- the situation may be able to be saved. But if she's just being self-centered and rude and you want her out (or if you don't care about talking it out) just tell her the way she's acting is unacceptable and she's out of the wedding party.

levioosa · September 2014

Kicking her out is a friendship ending move. Be her friend first, and stop sharing wedding details with her. She can't snark on what she doesn't know about. If this how she usually acts? If so you shouldn't have expected anything different for the wedding.

If this is unusual behavior, I would be concerned about her as a friend.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I'd tell her it's not her decision, and that you don't want to talk shop with her anymore because her negative attitude sucks.

Odds are she'll flounce right out of that wedding and not look back if she's really that catty.

But girl, you might need to take a chill pill too. Do you really want to end a friendship over colors?

atlastmrsg · September 2014

"All she wants to do is talk about my wedding."

Kinda funny since tons of posts on here are about brides thinking their MOH doesn't do enough.

Sounds like you all both need to be adults and go to lunch and talk it out. Tell her you're surprised how much she wants to be part of things. Thank her for having energy. Then tell her how you need the energy re-directed. To helping with things that are already decided. Or to supporting you. Or to enjoying the ride. Whatever you want her to do. Don't ask her "do you like my colors of watermelon and tangerine?" Tell her what you need--"Can you help me find tangerine and watermelon striped tablecloths." Leave it at that. Don't ask her opinion, just direct her if you want her to help. To make it really simple, don't put her in the position to comment.

But either way, talk it out like mature adults. Wine will probably help.

And evaluate why she's so opinionated. Are there some things you should think about? She hates the food because there are no vegetarian options, etc.? She may be trying to help you. Maybe.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

I don't really understand this. If YOU tell her things about your wedding and she's always negative, why on earth do you keep telling her things about your wedding? Stop sharing things about the wedding. Bean dip her - "Flowers? Oh, we aren't sure what we're going to do. So how's that guy who's been calling you?" KWIM?

No one is MAKING you share information. If you bean dip her and she continues to push you for information you can simply say "Listen. I'm grateful that you show so much interest but I'm all wedding-ed out. Can we talk about something else?" Wash and repeat as necessary.

I really don't understand why you'd kick her out of your wedding when you could just stop talking wedding with her. All she needs to know is what dress to wear, when to show up and where.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

mmoss042515 said:

I really regret asking my MOH to be MOH instead of a BM. She is driving me nuts. All she wants to do is talk about my wedding and then she makes rude comments about everything we are doing. She told me that my colors suck, that the food sounds awful, how I am not spending enough money on her, etc. I just want her to be out. How can I tell her to not be a part of my wedding anymore? I don't care if we are friends at this point.

Stop sharing details with her. Asking her to no longer be in your wedding is really tacky and should only be a last resort.

What does she think you should be spending money on her for???

Jen4948 · September 2014

The next time she asks you anything about your wedding that she doesn't absolutely need to know, tell her, "MOH, since we've been getting so much unsolicited negative feedback, FI and I have decided to keep our wedding details private from now on."

And if she gets pushy, tell her, "MOH, I told you that I'm not going to discuss my wedding with you anymore because I'm tired of all your negativity and hostility. Good friends don't treat each other like that. When I asked you to be in my wedding, I thought you were a good friend, but you haven't been acting like one."

novella1186 · September 2014

Be honest with her before you do anything drastic. Tell her, "your rude comments have been making me feel bad, and if you don't like my decisions keep your opinions to yourself. This wedding is for FI and me, not for you." Tell it like it is.

If she still acts nasty and you seriously don't want a friendship with her anymore, tell her you're really hurt and disappointed with the way she's been acting, and you think it's best if she's out of the wedding party. Like other PPs have said, though, that should really just be a very last resort.

I know people like this, that are constantly giving their opinion and can be a little too honest, because they just think they're helping. She might not mean any harm.

MyNameIsNot · September 2014

If you really don't want to be friends with her, man up and end the friendship. Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result. You should think long and hard about ending a friendship with someone who was close enough to be your MOH. Sure, she's not being a good friend right now, but is this really enough to end things with your best friend? Just food for thought.

downtondiva · September 2014

Next time she brings any of this up, just tell her that you don't feel like talking about the wedding (you don't necessarily need to say why). If she continues to bring it up, just tell her that you and FI are making these decisions on your own and while you appreciate her interest, you're not looking for other people's input at this point.

Was she always this negative about stuff, or is this a new thing since you've been planning your wedding? I understand why you're mad, but kicking her out of your wedding party will end your friendship, and I'm not sure it's worth that if she's not normally like this.

Jen4948 · September 2014

downtondiva said:

Next time she brings any of this up, just tell her that you don't feel like talking about the wedding (you don't necessarily need to say why). If she continues to bring it up, just tell her that you and FI are making these decisions on your own and while you appreciate her interest, you're not looking for other people's input at this point.

Was she always this negative about stuff, or is this a new thing since you've been planning your wedding? I understand why you're mad, but kicking her out of your wedding party will end your friendship, and I'm not sure it's worth that if she's not normally like this.

The bolded may not be direct enough. Whether or not the OP and her FI are looking for input, this girl is giving it unsolicited and it's always negative. I doubt, based on what the OP says about her, that she'll stop and realize that she's putting their friendship in danger unless she's told directly. Because if it goes unaddressed, she'll think she has free rein to keep being nasty.

AddieCake · September 2014

I would either end the friendship or tell her you don't want to talk with her about the wedding anymore b/c of her negative comments.

abbyj700 · September 2014

Knottie9059457 said:

Just calm down!I can understand your feelings,however,in other hand,a real friend will really care about you and give you the rude comments,maybe she just want you to have a perfect wedding and do it is a this way that you are very averse. You can talk to her later when you calm down!

Seriously?

A real friend will be rude to you? In what world?

thisismynickname2 · September 2014

Is she normally a negative person? Does she critique where you live as not good enough, say that the dress you chose just isn't that flattering, or critique your taste in (past) men, things like that? I knew a couple women like that. Women who would say lots of mean stuff under the guise of, "just being honest, because friends are honest." I'm not friends with either of them anymore.

Perhaps this is taking off your rose-colored friendship glasses. The next time she says something mean, call her out on it, and take it from there. Either she'll apologize and make an effort to stop being a mean person, or you'll realize for sure this person is someone toxic that you can cut from your life.

TeddiD34 · September 2014

Also, if you do end up removing her from your WP, please don't "promote" another bmaid to MOH. That's just silly.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

abbyj700 said:

show previous quotes

Knottie9059457 said:

Just calm down!I can understand your feelings,however,in other hand,a real friend will really care about you and give you the rude comments,maybe she just want you to have a perfect wedding and do it is a this way that you are very averse. You can talk to her later when you calm down!

Seriously?

A real friend will be rude to you? In what world?

I think the poster was trying to say that a real friend would be truthful with you about things, but a real friend can be truthful without being rude about it.

OP, I would just stop talking about your wedding with her. And if she asks why you aren't talking to her about it then I would be truthful with her.

My MOH is driving me crazy! Help!

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