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First cousins, not their kids- How do I politely make the invite clear when other kids will be there

ashmdemashmdem member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am the youngest of my MANY cousins, while my fiance is the oldest in his family. We want to invite all of our first cousins, so having an "adult only" reception won't work because some of his cousins are young enough to be the children of my cousins. All of my cousins have multiple children (we simply can not invite 20+ children/guests). My fiance has a few first cousins (and siblings) between the ages of 9-18 who we want at our reception. How can I tastefully make sure my cousins are not offended that there are some younger people at the wedding when their children are not invited? 
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Re: First cousins, not their kids- How do I politely make the invite clear when other kids will be there

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    What you are doing is fine.  I only invited my nieces and nephews.       NBD

    IF ASKED,  explain the you invited people along generation lines, not ages. You made the cut at first cousins regardless of age and did not invite down to the next generation.  If your cousins can't see that FI's cousins and them are both first cousins to the couple that's their problem.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ashmdem said:
    I am the youngest of my MANY cousins, while my fiance is the oldest in his family. We want to invite all of our first cousins, so having an "adult only" reception won't work because some of his cousins are young enough to be the children of my cousins. All of my cousins have multiple children (we simply can not invite 20+ children/guests). My fiance has a few first cousins (and siblings) between the ages of 9-18 who we want at our reception. How can I tastefully make sure my cousins are not offended that there are some younger people at the wedding when their children are not invited? 
    Ditto PPs. 




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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You don't need to invite in circles. It's a good way to establish clear lines but it isn't necessary.

    As far as having an adult reception, just list the people who are invited on the invitation: Mr and Mrs. Smith. It's against etiquette to say anything about who ISN'T invited (i.e. "adults only").

    You may consider wording your RSVP so that you can follow up with people who don't understand. For example:

    "We look forward to celebrating with you!
    ____# attending
    ____ decline with regret" 

    OR

    "Please write each guest's initials/name by their menu selection:
    ______Chicken
    ______Beef
    ______Veggie"

    That way if people respond with more guests or other names than the people you invited, you'd follow up and say "I'm sorry for any confusion but the invitation was only for you and your husband. We cannot accommodate additional guests. I hope you'll still be able to join us!"
    *********************************************************************************

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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its

     

    lyndausvi said:
     
    IF ASKED,  explain the you invited people along generation lines, not ages. You made the cut at first cousins regardless of age and did not invite down to the next generation.  If your cousins can't see that FI's cousins and them are both first cousins to the couple that's their problem.
    Right. You are inviting first cousins and not those removed by a generation, which can be confusing because "generation" seems to indicate age. However your first cousins once removed (the kids of your first cousins) could be older or younger than other first cousins. Just say you're not inviting children of first cousins.
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  • ashmdemashmdem member
    First Comment
    Thanks! 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    No one should be offended that their precious special snowflake children were not invited. You invite who you want to invite (as long as you invited SO) ages be damned.
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have 38 cousins (including SO's) on one side of the family, 18 on the other side.  I think I'm elope....
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  • LaurenKelley89LaurenKelley89 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I had a very similar problem. My Fiance has cousins who are grandparents so there are 30 - 40 kids under 12 in both our families. I really wanted to just not have children except for my nieces. I just asked my FMIL what she thought because her opinion matters the most to me. She didn't think it would be a problem to make the cut-off at first cousins so that's what we're going to do. 
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