Hi ladies,
First apologies if I used the cross posting incorrectly - not sure if this is a fitness problem as much as a FI problem. Second, apologies for the essay
I just got into a huge fight with my FI about fitness, and not really sure how to resolve it.
For some background : I'm 5'8, about 190lbs and "top heavy" for lack of a better word - I wouldn't say I'm obese or really overweight, but I definitely have a gut to lose and could tone up my arms/thighs. I've probably gained about 20-30lbs over the last three years after I transitioned from a retail job to an office job due to the lack of movement.
My FI used to be very overweight and lost it all in high school, and his whole family has always had significant weight problems (his mom had that lap band surgery and gained most of the weight back recently) so I feel like he has a particular mindset/trigger about fitness/weight that I don't. He's at the gym for at least an hour 4-5 times a week. He's always been kinda mildly naggy about fitness with me, but we always laughed it off as a personality difference, not a ~ relationship issue ~
So with this all being said -- recently (not specifically wedding related) he's started to get on my case about going to the gym, fowarding me articles about fitness and health, etc. So I said fine, I'll go join Planet Fitness and come with you when you go to the gym. Mind you I haven't been to a gym in...years.
So I go, and he finds me on the treadmill, and he's like no no that's not good enough, that's not effective, you need to do weight lifting because cardio doesn't do enough, etc. I felt a bit embarassed, but I say fine, next time you can show me how to use the machines and I'll lift some weights.
It was a damn disaster. I can barely lift any weights at all, my form is all wrong, and he kept on pushing me and correcting me (which I know he meant well, but still) and was just overall acting like a drill master about it. I'm clearly like the most slovenly/fat person in the gym surrounded by all these skinny ladies and muscleheads, and frankly I was mortified. We tried this like 3 different times and it was just worse and worse. So I got frustrated, he got frustrated, and of course I didn't want to go back again.
So now like every evening this week when we're at home, he's nagging me to do sit ups, do exercises at home, etc. So I blew up at him a little bit about him always being nagging and negative, and he really freaked out at me, how I'm lazy, I have a bad attitude, he gives up on me, etc. And now we're stuck.
On one hand, I understand that I get a bit prickly/touchy, and I was embarassed to be at the gym, and he was genuinely trying to help me, and genuinely wants me to be fit and healthy, this isn't a wanting a hot bride kind of thing. He has a lot of knowledge, but knowledge of stuff that works for him, not for an absolute novice. And when I try to explain to him how I feel and how he makes me feel when he criticizes me, he tells me that "it's easier for you to make me into the bad guy than to just do what's right" and "you always throw my efforts back into my face"
So...I admit, we're both a little bit wrong. And I don't know why this issue hits so deep, when usually we're very good about "fighting fair" and compromising/fixing our problems when they happen. But I really don't know what to do. I absolutely dread going to the gym now. But I know I can't just dig my heels in and do nothing. And now honestly, the doubt is starting to creep into my head like...if I don't lose weight, is he going to leave me? Is this at some point just going to be too incompatible?
I just need someone outside of the situation to talk some sense into me, because I feel very...stuck in my own head about this.
(edited because paragraphs are your friend
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