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Reception seating- Unruly mother in law

MRA2012MRA2012 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
I am having a small (60 total) wedding.  My venue is small and private, and I already have my centerpieces and table things done, so adding a table is not an option.  I have a problem with one key guest (my soon to be mother-in-law). She causes a lot of drama for a multitude of our guests and everyone is requesting specifically to be sat no where near her.  I have two open seats at her table and two people on her side of the family that do not currently have a seat; do I put them together hoping not to have drama, or sit them at the ends of other tables making things a bit crowded? Any other options? I have tried talking to her about not starting any drama on our big day but she has not accepted. I am not stressing on any detail about the big day as much as her presence.  Does anyone have any advice to help me with an unruly mother in law???
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Re: Reception seating- Unruly mother in law

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I know you said adding tables isn't an option because you're done with centerpieces but hear me out...

    I went to a wedding two weeks ago where the parents of the bride and parents of the groom had their own sweetheart tables that were up at the front of the room near the head table. If she's a drama inducer, it might be worth the extra effort. Otherwise, I think you just seat the extra guests at her table and hope for the best.

    Also, you should definitely NOT be talking to her about her behavior. You are totally out of line for that (even if she is a nightmare). Its your FIs job and his only.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    So when you have asked her not to start drama, she has not accepted? As in she says, "Sorry, can't do that. I will start drama." ?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MRA2012MRA2012 member
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    My FI is constantly on her about how she acts. Both my parents and his dad/step mom want to sit with other family members.  I currently have his mom at her own table with 2 guests who get along with her, But I would not be up for putting her table up front to put her anywhere near me. If it were my decision, I would not have invited her and she would know no details so she couldn't crash it. 
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  • MRA2012MRA2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    She is more like "I am entitled to my opinion and I will tell it"  She HATES me. And has made that known.  His entire family adores me and is supportive of our marriage but she has gone to extremes to break us up.  We are 19 & 22 and have been together for over 4 years.  She has called the cops saying I kidnapped him when she gave him permission to go on a date when he still lived at home, refers to me as "that one" "the trash her son chose" "the thing" etc.  She has told me to my face (while quite ill and on what we thought was her deathbed) that I was the perfect girl for him and if she could have handpicked a girl for him it would have been me, then turns around and a few days later I hear that she has gone to her family saying that I am disgusting and have no hygiene and I am trying to sabotage her son's life and I am only keeping him around to trap him into parenthood- NONE of which is true! He is constantly at my defense telling her to shove off and treat me with respect, but I honestly just do not know what to do about her!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    I'd have your FI check with the two people you claim get along with your FMIL and find out if they'd be willing to sit with her.  If the two people who get along with your FMIL don't want to sit with her, your FI can go back to her and tell her that he's asked those people to do so and they refuse.  Then I'd set her and her husband/SO at a "sweetheart" table of their own.  (Consequences.)
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    Telling her not to cause drama is a waste of effort.  If she wants to cause it, she will. 

     

    Having her at her own table with the two people that get along with her is a good decision.  My suggestion is to do your best to ignore her and not let her ruin your day.  At the very least, you'll have numerous other people at the wedding that share your frustration with her. 

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd just put those two people from her family at her table. It's rude of anyone to be making special seating requests. That is where they fit, that is where they sit, and no more discussing it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    I'd just put those two people from her family at her table. It's rude of anyone to be making special seating requests. That is where they fit, that is where they sit, and no more discussing it.
    The OP hasn't posted anything indicating that these two people are making any special seating requests.

    She has posted that her FMIL is universally unpopular and nobody wants to sit with her because of how she behaves. 

    While I wouldn't take seating requests either, I wouldn't punish other guests by forcing them to sit with someone I know they don't like.  That would, if not ruin, make their time very unpleasant.  It might mean that the FMIL ends up isolated, but she brought that on herself.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
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    After all the things she said to you she still gets an invite? Your fi is okay with the verbal abuse?
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  • nicole4793nicole4793 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    My gosh, the way she has treated you over the years sounds horrific. People really just needs seats during dinner and dessert, so I think it would be okay to seat the 2 people at her table. They're free to move around as soon as everyone is done eating. I liked the idea of a sweetheart table for the parents, but I feel like I would want to put that nasty woman at a table at the back of the room haha!! 


    Your wedding is your and your fiance's special day, so don't let her get to you on your wedding day! Her son chose to marry you rather than to buy her opinion of you, so I think that in itself is sweet revenge (not that I'm one for revenge). I hope you guys have a great wedding day. :)

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  • MRA2012MRA2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I have filled her table. It is at the back of the room. I figure the other guests can deal with proximity, I do not want her near me. My FI tells her ALL the time that he did not get to choose her but he did choose me, and ultimately when we have children that I am the one who will decide if she gets to see them. He is very supportive and defensive towards her. 21 days to go. I hope I can keep it together until then and then we are settling into our house over 1K miles away and I don't have to do dinner parties anymore. Thanks for all the advice everyone!
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  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Take a deep breath, hold, now let it go.  Is there a large/strong enough person at the wedding, or the wedding planner, who can firmly escort her out of the room if/when she starts to go into Drama Mama mode?  Some venues require on staff security, so that might be that person's job.  Like any other attention seeking child, somebody (not you) should monitor her behavior and give her a warning when she gets started.  After a first warning, if there is a repeat, it is time for her to leave. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If everyone hates her and gets abused by her, why is she still invited to anything?

    If my dad called my husband those things, I wouldn't be speaking to him ever again.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
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    No, he didn't choose that she be his mother.  But he can stand the fuck up for you and your relationship by not allowing her or her behaviour around either of you.  So, cutting her out of your lives completely unless she decides to apologize and be civil.
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