Moms and Maids

Bridal Shower Etiquette for MOH

Hi ladies!  I am a recently married bride who is the maid (matron?) of honor next year for my sister and my BFF.  I wanted some advice on planning both of their showers.

My sister is having a destination wedding in August, and I'm her only attendant.  My mom and I are working together to plan her shower.  Everyone who is invited is invited to the wedding, even though we know that some won't be able to attend.  As long as they're invited to the wedding, there's no issue with inviting them to the shower right?  My mom and I are planning on paying for and planning the event.

For my BFF, she has 3 other bridesmaids, her mom, and her FMIL.  I e-mailed her mom tonight to let her know that I was hoping to throw a shower for her, but I wanted to speak to her first in case she was thinking of planning anything.  I let her know that I would be happy to throw the party and cover the cost, but that I didn't want to step on her toes if she was planning something or wanted to plan something and to let me know if she had any ideas or thoughts about the shower.  

Does this make it clear that I would value or appreciate her input if she has some (not necessarily financial) and that I'd be willing to cover the cost to throw the party?  My BFF is an only child, and I want her mom to feel as included as she would like to be, while not assuming that she will pay for anything.  I want these to be beautiful occasions for both of them, while including people without financial expectations. 
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MairePoppy[Deleted User]

Re: Bridal Shower Etiquette for MOH

  • You are good on both counts.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Sounds fine to me. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Everything sounds good.
  • WeeshWeesh NY member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Thanks!  I'm glad that I'm on the right track.  Is there a proper way to ask the other bridesmaids or friends if they would like to be involved in planning the showers?  I don't know any of them--I thought maybe a group e-mail might work for both ladies to see if they would be interested?  

    Would it work the same way for a bachelorette?  I'm not sure that I could swing both events for both girls financially.  I've only been to one bachelorette party before, and it was my own.  From what I understand, the girls paid their own way and covered my portion.  I've gotten some ideas for both brides for what they want (both fairly low-key gatherings) but I don't know how to word it.  I don't want anyone to feel like they are being invoiced.
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  • My experience with bachelorette parties is that the MOH usually plans it (with the advice of the bridesmaids) and that she's upfront that everyone would pay their own way and that the bride's portion will be split among them all.  

    For your first message, something like, "Hey ladies, I've been thinking of some great ideas for the bachelorette party-- (what you have for ideas).  Any ideas from you would be appreciated as well, please share!  Before we get too crazy though, we should talk about how payment at this thing will go.  In bachelorette parties I've been to the girls usually split the bill for the bride and paid their own way.  Does that sound okay to all of you?  Let me know any concerns or ideas for fun things to do or places to go!"
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