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what to put in the time capsue?

lookame3639lookame3639 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
So FI and i decided to do something like a wine box but neither of us like wine and i hardly like to drink at all, plus I wanted to include our kids in the ceremony/unity thing so we decided to do a time capsule. I need a little help as to what type of items to put in it though. So far i have
-Itty bit birth card from the nicu (she was born in Aug and it has her feet prints, weight, time of birth ect)
-our promise rings
-our wedding invitation
-letters to each other

From there I'm not sure what else to put in the box. My son needs to put something in. Maybe something from the venue were getting married/staying at?
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Re: what to put in the time capsue?

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    I have never heard of this.   You don't need a time capsule.  Someday your Mom will pass away, and when you clean out her house, you will find it all.  I did, including the love letters from all her boyfriends.  Ummm.....
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I wouldn't bother.

    Your wedding is itself a "unity ceremony," without any additional rituals, and you can include your children in the roles of ring bearer/flower girl or bridesmaid/men and groomsmen/maids if they are old enough.
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    lookame3639lookame3639 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    It's important to me to have an important piece in the ceremony to unify us as a family. My son is not FI and he's essentially gaining a father. He is a ring barrer but my daughter is to young to be apart of the wedding. We are only inviting our parents so it's not like i have 100 plus guests to please. Also, my parents don't really have anything from mine and FI relationship since i didn't live with them while dating FI.

    for me this is an important piece of our ceremony.
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lookame3639 said:
    It's important to me to have an important piece in the ceremony to unify us as a family. My son is not FI and he's essentially gaining a father. He is a ring barrer but my daughter is to young to be apart of the wedding. We are only inviting our parents so it's not like i have 100 plus guests to please. Also, my parents don't really have anything from mine and FI relationship since i didn't live with them while dating FI. for me this is an important piece of our ceremony.
    Having your son as ring bearer and taking pictures with him and your daughter (your first family pictures!) is plenty. You can do a time capsule at home together--your son should put in something that has meaning to him. For the wedding, it is not really appropriate to have children participate in the ceremony itself because a marriage is between two consenting adults.

    If you absolutely insist on it, since it is at least a very very small wedding, just don't say anything like vows involving the children, and make sure your son is putting in something that represents him, not your venue.
    image
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    bmydesignerbmydesigner member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    A time capsule sounds like a really cool idea! :)

    Maybe have your son draw a picture or something? I think that'd be a nice touch.

    I completely understand your want to have a unity joining with your family. Don't let others here talk you down from that. It's not against etiquette, as far as I know. Even if it is, that's just too bad since this isn't even on the etiquette board.
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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    bmydesigner said:
    A time capsule sounds like a really cool idea! :)

    Maybe have your son draw a picture or something? I think that'd be a nice touch.

    I completely understand your want to have a unity joining with your family. Don't let others here talk you down from that. It's not against etiquette, as far as I know. Even if it is, that's just too bad since this isn't even on the etiquette board.
    No, it's not against etiquette (as far as I know) but it is weird and inappropriate. The child isn't getting married. The child doesn't get a say if the couple divorces. Hell, what if kid decides s/he doesn't like the new stepparent? Will they divorce based on that alone? 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    bmydesignerbmydesigner member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    ShesSoCold said:
    bmydesigner said:
    A time capsule sounds like a really cool idea! :)

    Maybe have your son draw a picture or something? I think that'd be a nice touch.

    I completely understand your want to have a unity joining with your family. Don't let others here talk you down from that. It's not against etiquette, as far as I know. Even if it is, that's just too bad since this isn't even on the etiquette board.
    No, it's not against etiquette (as far as I know) but it is weird and inappropriate. The child isn't getting married. The child doesn't get a say if the couple divorces. Hell, what if kid decides s/he doesn't like the new stepparent? Will they divorce based on that alone? 
    See I'm sorry I just can't see how it's inappropriate. If anything, I think it would make the kids feel better about the new marriage. Obviously, the child does not get a say if the couple divorces. If they divorce on that alone, then they probably shouldn't be together anyway.

    The unity does not mean that suddenly the children have a say in what happens in the marriage. It's just meant to join them as a family. I think you're reading too much into it.
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    bmydesigner said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    bmydesigner said:
    A time capsule sounds like a really cool idea! :)

    Maybe have your son draw a picture or something? I think that'd be a nice touch.

    I completely understand your want to have a unity joining with your family. Don't let others here talk you down from that. It's not against etiquette, as far as I know. Even if it is, that's just too bad since this isn't even on the etiquette board.
    No, it's not against etiquette (as far as I know) but it is weird and inappropriate. The child isn't getting married. The child doesn't get a say if the couple divorces. Hell, what if kid decides s/he doesn't like the new stepparent? Will they divorce based on that alone? 
    See I'm sorry I just can't see how it's inappropriate. If anything, I think it would make the kids feel better about the new marriage. Obviously, the child does not get a say if the couple divorces. If they divorce on that alone, then they probably shouldn't be together anyway.

    The unity does not mean that suddenly the children have a say in what happens in the marriage. It's just meant to join them as a family. I think you're reading too much into it.

    A wedding ceremony is not about family, it's about two people entering a solemn contract. Children cannot be part of that. Family is a whole lot more though, and especially if the child/ren have another parent involved in their lives, involving them in the wedding ceremony could be potentially hurtful.
    image
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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    bmydesigner said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    bmydesigner said:
    A time capsule sounds like a really cool idea! :)

    Maybe have your son draw a picture or something? I think that'd be a nice touch.

    I completely understand your want to have a unity joining with your family. Don't let others here talk you down from that. It's not against etiquette, as far as I know. Even if it is, that's just too bad since this isn't even on the etiquette board.
    No, it's not against etiquette (as far as I know) but it is weird and inappropriate. The child isn't getting married. The child doesn't get a say if the couple divorces. Hell, what if kid decides s/he doesn't like the new stepparent? Will they divorce based on that alone? 
    See I'm sorry I just can't see how it's inappropriate. If anything, I think it would make the kids feel better about the new marriage. Obviously, the child does not get a say if the couple divorces. If they divorce on that alone, then they probably shouldn't be together anyway.

    The unity does not mean that suddenly the children have a say in what happens in the marriage. It's just meant to join them as a family. I think you're reading too much into it.

    BOX --

    Clearly we're going to disagree, but a wedding ceremony is something I take extremely seriously. I don't think it's possible to "read too much into it". 

    You know what joins a new stepparent to the family? Time. Love. Doing homework together. Cheering the kid on at a baseball game. Kissing a scraped knee. Telling a daughter she's beautiful when she gets stood up for a date. 

    Not throwing some shit in a box and saying "I love you" during a marriage ceremony so there's a cute photo op. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    bmydesignerbmydesigner member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    Yes we are going to disagree, so I'll just leave it here.

    I take wedding ceremonies very seriously as well. That's why I feel, if the couple comes to a decision that they want to make their kids feel special then they have every right to do so.

    No one said anything about this being a photo opportunity.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    bmydesigner said:
    Yes we are going to disagree, so I'll just leave it here.

    I take wedding ceremonies very seriously as well. That's why I feel, if the couple comes to a decision that they want to make their kids feel special then they have every right to do so.

    No one said anything about this being a photo opportunity.
    If they're going to do some kind of "unity" thing I think that they need to keep it private and not do it during the wedding ceremony.  The wedding ceremony joins only the bride and groom in a binding legal and social unit.  It does not do that for stepparents, stepchildren, and step-siblings. 

    Also, there are those who may feel that they've been invited only to a wedding ceremony, and a "unity" thing to "include" children from prior relationships is something of a bait-and-switch.  These are not necessarily my own feelings, but I think that the wedding ceremony is enough.  The children can participate in the traditional roles of flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaid/man, or groomsman/maid and be in photos.  They don't need to say anything or have anything said to them, or be given gifts, for them to be "included," nor would it be appropriate.  They are not entering into the relationship by choice and would not be ending it by choice if there is a divorce later.
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    BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I have no ideas for the time capsule, but I do think that some of these ceremony things get far fetched, this idea included.  I'm not sure what this (or the wine box for that matter) has to do with marriage.  If you want to do it though, go for it.

    As for children participating in ceremonies... I don't seem what's inappropriate about it at all.  I'm not sure if I were in this situation if I'd do this, but I think if a family wants to do this, they can.  Marriage creates a family.  Those children will be part of that family, so I don't think it's inappropriate to include them in the ceremony.  

    As for the argument that marriage is a legally binding paper for the bride and groom only... yes marriage is a legally binding contract between those two people.  But if it were just about laws, then we would all simply go and sign a marriage contract and be done with it.  Obviously, people can simply sign a paper and that is fine and no less meaningful, but some people choose to have a ceremony.  There is no reason to have a ceremony if it just a legally binding contract.  People have ceremonies to celebrate what that marriage symbolizes to them- if that symbolic message includes their children, then so be it.
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    destinationtake2destinationtake2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    BlueBirdMB said:

    As for the argument that marriage is a legally binding paper for the bride and groom only... yes marriage is a legally binding contract between those two people.  But if it were just about laws, then we would all simply go and sign a marriage contract and be done with it.  Obviously, people can simply sign a paper and that is fine and no less meaningful, but some people choose to have a ceremony.  There is no reason to have a ceremony if it just a legally binding contract.  People have ceremonies to celebrate what that marriage symbolizes to them- if that symbolic message includes their children, then so be it.
    Very well said. So true. @BlueBirdMB
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    lookame3639lookame3639 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    I didn't realize this would become such an issue. At any rate it's nice to get an idea of others reactions towards this idea. I understand it may get some side eyes but it's not about "the show" or "a photo op." There's only 5 guests and their all our parents and it'll only take about a minute or two.Also, my son approves of FI hhe's been his father for 6 years and my son has told us the past 3 he wants us to get married. However if we had more guests, our ceremony was longer/more elaborate we would scrap the idea.
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