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Inviting coworkers

decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm an elementary school teacher at a very small school. My wedding is in December and FI and I are finalizing our guest list. Since my ceremony is in a church, everyone in my building is welcome to come, and I've made that known. I plan on sending an invitation to the ceremony and having it put into the office for my fellow teachers to see. As far as the reception, I am only considering inviting a few coworkers. It's a small building, so I don't want there to be any hard feelings from the ones who won't be invited. I'm probably overreacting, but I have to work with these women every day, and want it to remain a positive working environment. My other question is if I decide to invite these coworkers, is it okay to just hand them the invitation when I see them at work, or should I get their addresses and mail them out?

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Re: Inviting coworkers

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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    decembergrl2014 said:
    I'm an elementary school teacher at a very small school. My wedding is in December and FI and I are finalizing our guest list. Since my ceremony is in a church, everyone in my building is welcome to come, and I've made that known. I plan on sending an invitation to the ceremony and having it put into the office for my fellow teachers to see. As far as the reception, I am only considering inviting a few coworkers. It's a small building, so I don't want there to be any hard feelings from the ones who won't be invited. I'm probably overreacting, but I have to work with these women every day, and want it to remain a positive working environment. My other question is if I decide to invite these coworkers, is it okay to just hand them the invitation when I see them at work, or should I get their addresses and mail them out?
    Don't just invite people to the ceremony. You need to treat all your guests equally. Your co workers will feel like second class citizens if you do this. Just invite the co workers you want to the whole thing.
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    It's a very bad idea to invite everyone to just the ceremony, or post the invitation in the office.  I would feel second class if I was good enough to see the ceremony, but not good enough for you to host me for the reception.

    On the question of inviting coworkers, you can probably do this if you invite only the very few people you spend time with outside of work.  I would understand if I'm "work friends" with you, but you see someone else frequently outside of work, that she would be invited and I'm not.  People probably won't take it personally.

    And I always thing it's extra-special to get an invitation in the mail, even if we see each other frequently.
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Agree with PPs. If you work in a close-knit environment (especially of mostly women), my advice would be to not invite any of your colleagues. Word will likely get out, and there will probably be hurt feelings.




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    decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 member
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    @sarahbear31‌- that's what I'm trying to avoid

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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Have you already posted the invitation? If not, don't. Don't rescind anything, but from here on, keep wedding talk at school to a minimum. Obviously I don't know your coworkers personally, but a group of all women who work closely together are quite likely to compare notes regarding whom got invited. My advice is to not invite any of them (or all of them).




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    SachaBeeSachaBee member
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    First of all, as everyone has said, it's super tacky to invite people (especially through public message board rather than personal invitation) to one part of the wedding and not the other. I know there are sometimes exceptions in church weddings because oftentimes the entire congregation is by default invited (I am not sure if this is actually proper etiquette, but it happens). But unless all of your coworkers also go to this church, I would not invite them to half the wedding, but not the other half. Basically if you do this you are saying "I think you like me so much that you want to witness my important event, but I don't like you enough to spend money on thanking you for doing so." You are telling them this with your actions, and it's not okay. 

    What is okay is for you and some coworkers to accept the fact that you really AREN'T close enough for them to come, but that means that they shouldn't be invited to the ceremony, either. 

    You say you have already "made it known" that you are inviting everyone. Let that go--if someone comes, it's okay--but stop talking about your wedding at work if all of your coworkers are not invited.

    As for inviting some and not others... I think it partially depends on your closeness with the ones you are inviting. Are you friends outside of work with some, or do you just like some more than others? If the latter, I would invite "all or none". It also may depend on just how small the school is. Are there 20 coworkers and you want to invite 3? That would be okay. Are there 10 and you want to invite 6? I wouldn't do that.

    Also remember that you do have to invite the significant others of these coworkers (boyfriends/girlfriends or wives/husbands--you don't have to give a single person a plus one).
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    If you invite anyone to the ceremony, then they have to be invited to the reception.  And if they are in relationships, you also have to invite their partners.

    I would not publicly post an invitation at your school.  I would only invite the co-workers, together with their partners for those who are in relationships, that you really want to invite.  And don't discuss your wedding at your school.
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    decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 member
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    @sarahbear31‌- no, I haven't posted the invitation. I don't have them yet. @SachaBee‌- There are about 20 people at my school, and I was thinking of inviting about 5 or 6, but as I stated earlier, I don't want there to be any hurt feelings. I know it's my wedding and I can invite who I want, but I don't want there to be repercussions later.

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    twitterbirdtwitterbird member
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    Don't talk about it at work and invite those closest to you (other teachers in your grade level or similar). I work in an office of about 100 and invited the people in my unit (6) plus SO.
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    cafarriecafarrie member
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    I would just assume I was invited to both the reception and ceremony if something was posted in my office breakroom and a group of us decided to go.  Invite whomever you want - I'm not of the opinion that it's all or nothing...these are adults and should understand - but don't do the generalized invitation posting.  
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    cafarrie said:
    I would just assume I was invited to both the reception and ceremony if something was posted in my office breakroom and a group of us decided to go.  Invite whomever you want - I'm not of the opinion that it's all or nothing...these are adults and should understand - but don't do the generalized invitation posting.  
    Just because they should understand doesn't always mean that they will. 




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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    decembergrl2014 said:
    @sarahbear31‌- no, I haven't posted the invitation. I don't have them yet. @SachaBee‌- There are about 20 people at my school, and I was thinking of inviting about 5 or 6, but as I stated earlier, I don't want there to be any hurt feelings. I know it's my wedding and I can invite who I want, but I don't want there to be repercussions later.
    If someone chooses to get butthurt that they weren't invited to a coworker's wedding, that's THEIR rudeness to own, not yours. What repercussions could there even be? Aren't these your peers? Are they going to shun you at the lunch table?

    Invite the people you're closest to, plus their SOs, to both the ceremony and reception. Period. Don't talk about it in front of the rest of them, and don't deliver their invitations at work, and you should be in the clear.
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