Waiting for the love of my life

Knottie5791268 · September 2014

Hi all,

Just wanted to see if anyone had any advice for long distance relationships due to Army Deployment. I got set up with a solider at the beginning of July. Started talking with him ( texting and phone and finally skype) and then met for the first time a month later in August. We both completely fell in love for each other and it was just like we had know each other all our lives. He asked me to be his girlfriend a month after we met. It was the most perfect date ever. For the first time I was able to be myself and not worry about the guy leaving me. He treats me like a princesses and I am head over heels for him. He however left to do Army work almost a month ago and right now it is looking like I will not see him for the next 8 months or so. My heart is with him each step of the way but talking to him on the phone and letters is all we have right now and it is sooo hard because I just want to be with him. We have talked about getting married and all of that will happen shortly after he gets back. Any help on how to make time pass or encouragement from others who have been in the same boat. I know he is worth it but some days it is so hard. I am always so positive for him though because I know he needs me and I never let him know that it hard sometimes. Any help would be great! Thank you all so much! If your boyfriend, fiance is near go hug his neck and kiss him. I would give anything to see mine right now. Enjoy each moment!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

hey there! seems like you're in a really new relationship. I can't speak about being separated because my H and I were never LD, but check out the TK Military Brides board: LINK.

we've got a couple people on here that have SOs deployed, so maybe they'll pop in and add their 2 cents.

eilis1228 · September 2014

My FI was never deployed, but we were LD for the first year of our relationship. It's tough! Just try and throw yourself into new hobbies, your work/school, and friends. Try learning a new trick/hobby (like knitting or crocheting!), or start a new fitness regime. If you're into running or cycling or anything like that, you can easily find a local group to start doing those activities with once or twice a week. Basically keep yourself active and distracted. If you guys really are serious about marriage (which in my opinion seems a bit soon, but you guys know yourselves better than we do... plus I know the military can speed up a lot of relationship timelines), then try and enjoy this time to yourself. Get to know yourself more, figure out what you want in life and what makes you happy.

bethsmiles · September 2014

Honestly, it sounds like you are moving way too fast. You've known this man for barely 3 months and you've only been with each other in person for 1 month. Of course everything is new and exciting and seems perfect because it always does at the beginning of a relationship but you guys barely know each other. Take this time doing long distance to get to know each other more. As for dealing with it being long distance just keep yourself busy. Hang out with friends, take up a hobby, start running. There are a lot of ways to keep yourself distracted.

And I highly, highly suggest taking it slowly when he gets back. My BF and I have done long distance and there was definitely an adjustment period when that ended (and we'd been together a lot longer than you and your BF). There's zero need to rush a relationship.

loves2shop4shoes · September 2014

I feel like I should add to my siggy, "As per usual, @BethSmiles FTW."

phira · September 2014

I agree with @bethsmiles. I'd slow your roll here. It can sometimes be tough to differentiate intense longing (when you're long distance) from the rest of your feelings for a person. I know that when I've been long distance from a partner, it's easy to get caught up in how much I miss them, and it's easy to plan ahead for how glorious things will be when we're back together.

I'd recommend thinking critically about the kind of timeline you'd really want with a partner, and add the length of your boyfriend's deployment to whatever step you're at. For example:

- If you want to date someone for a about year before getting engaged, and

- your boyfriend was deployed after you'd been dating for three months, and

- your boyfriend is deployed for eight months, then:

Even though you'll have been dating for about a year, the majority of that time wasn't spent together, and so I'd wait longer to get engaged. If that makes sense.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I agree with @phira, and @bethsmiles - the slower you can take this, the better. There are a lot of stories of military relationships that happen quickly, and there can be a lot of pressure there. It's not a good idea to go into with the assumption that you're going to get married as soon as he gets back, both for practical reasons (the timeline can always change) and emotional ones (which are every bit as important--there is a significant readjustment period after being apart, and being deployed will change you both). It's easy to get swept up in the newness of a relationship--and a deployment can heighten that sensation.

That said, if you are committed to seeing this relationship through and waiting for him while he's gone, there are a lot of resources out there. Mr. Historian just got back from a 9-month deployment last spring, and he'll be leaving again soon for an as-of-yet-undetermined amount of time. We were able to spend exactly 16 days actually in each other's company over the past 4 months.

First, and this is basically only semantics--I'd quit thinking of it as "waiting." Yes, he's gone, and yes, you're looking forward to coming home. But "waiting" implies that all you're doing is longing for him to come back, and that's not especially productive (or healthy, IMO, but I'm definitely not a psychologist).

If I were to give you one big piece of advice, it would be this: being a military partner (or the equivalent--Mr. H is technically civilian, but there's basically no difference in my life and the life of my friend whose husband is an Army Captain) is a complete and total lifestyle adjustment. Nothing will ever be "normal" again. It might sound harsh, but: you're going to have to get used to him being gone. If he can write you letters and you all can talk on the phone, that's great, but it won't always be like that. (After he got back from his last deployment, Mr. H told me that he had to go through 4 different security checkpoints on his base just to get to someplace he could send me an email...I was lucky if I heard from him once/week. He was able to call me exactly 5 times during that 9 months...and once was when he flew back on R&R without telling me and called me to come get him at the airport!)

There's tons of stuff out there. Google "tips for coping with deployment," and you'll get a lot of sound advice.

Knottie5791268 · September 2014

Thanks so much everyone for the advice and comments. All great advice. I know it seems like we are moving fast and I do think the time apart is good to learn each other. I think you also sometimes just know when you have met the one. I agree with all of you and I plan on taking it slow when he gets back. Dating at least a year when he gets back and we might still be distance depending on what post he is on. Thank you all so much! Good luck to everyone with their soldiers as well.

phira · September 2014

If you need to distract yourself, come hang out with us here!

Knottie5791268 · September 2014

Thanks so much! Over one month into this 9 month deployment! Letters and a few phone calls are all we have had but thankful to know him on a whole different level! Good luck to everyone planning their weddings!

jenna8984 · September 2014

So my situation was a little different. I had some girl friends across the country that I used to visit on school breaks when I was in college. They talked me into moving there after I graduated college. So about 6 months before the move (I was still in school), I flew out to interview for jobs and see my friends. I met a guy, and we only hung out for the few days I was there but we REALLY liked each other. So for the 6 months that I was finishing up college, we talked on the phone like every day about how we couldn't wait for me to move there, and how we were going to get an apartment, and have this perfect little life together. It all sounded great on the phone. Until I moved out there, and we were so not compatible! He wasn't a jerk or anything like that, it was just obvious that we were not meant to be. We stayed friends and still laugh about it.

Not at all saying that will happen to you! Just saying, that I agree with the other ladies to take it slow and don't try to plan too much of the future because you really never know how it'll turn out when he's back. But I really wish you the best of luck!

Waiting for the love of my life

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