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Walked Down the Aisle

DaniBitesDaniBites member
250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Sorry to post another thread but I have one more question for you pros :)

About six months ago my dad died suddenly.  I was engaged after and asked my godfather to walk me down the aisle (My dad's brother). 

Several people have asked who's walking me and been horrified that I didn't ask my mom.  Is there a protocol to this that I missed?

One even went as far as to tell me "NO, your mom needs to walk you"

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Re: Walked Down the Aisle

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm sorry for your loss. You can ask anyone you want to walk you. I think it's quite rude anyone would suggest otherwise. If your mom is not concerned, you should not be concerned. 
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  • DaniBitesDaniBites member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks guys.  My mom was happy when I asked him so I never gave it a second thought until I started getting the negativity about it

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Wow!  It never ceases to amaze me how rude and inappropriate people can be.

    I am so sorry for your loss.  I can imagine having people ask who is walking you down the aisle and then judging your decision only makes your grief more acute.

    My father passed away when I was still in college.  I had my mom walk me down the aisle, but that was just our mutual choice.  There is no "right" or "wrong" person.  In fact, nowadays, many brides walk themselves down or walk down with their groom. 

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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    This is one time during wedding planning you can say, "It's MY day and I want THIS."  Whoever you walk down the aisle with (or if you decide to walk on your own!) is a very personal decision that has no affect on anyone else.

    I'm very sorry for you loss, but don't feel any guilt for your choice.  I think it sounds lovely and I'm glad your mom is behind you!

    Brush them haters off.
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  • DaniBitesDaniBites member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks so much everyone...I wasn't sure if I was being disrespectful or messing up a custom.

    It's hard not feeling guilty about getting engaged and wedding planning so soon after (which I've gotten comments about as well, people suck) but people being judgey about who walks me down the aisle is starting to get under my skin.

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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    So sorry for your loss. My dad died 20 years ago (yesterday was the anniversary) and it gets easier but your never forget them. Thinking about my wedding without him has always been hard and there is definitely a hole. Nobody should tell you what you should do as its different in everyone's experience and life. My mom is walking me as its what my heart tells me to do. If your heart tells you to do something else then that's just fine. People need to butt out.
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    DaniBites said: Thanks so much everyone...I wasn't sure if I was being disrespectful or messing up a custom.
    It's hard not feeling guilty about getting engaged and wedding planning so soon after (which I've gotten comments about as well, people suck) but people being judgey about who walks me down the aisle is starting to get under my skin.
    ---------

    Ugh that's     awful.  Fuck that noise.

    You're always welcome to vent here, especially if that negativity continues!  We will provide puppy gifs to make you smile!

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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    DaniBites said:
    Thanks so much everyone...I wasn't sure if I was being disrespectful or messing up a custom.

    It's hard not feeling guilty about getting engaged and wedding planning so soon after (which I've gotten comments about as well, people suck) but people being judgey about who walks me down the aisle is starting to get under my skin.
    My dad died a couple months before I was going off to college. I got a lot of comments about people being judgy about me leaving my mom so soon after and all that. It was also hard not to feel guilty going on to start my life in college when everyone (including me) was grieving. 

    But anyway, my mother doesn't want to walk me down the aisle! I've asked my brother to do it. Honestly, If my dad was alive I'm fairly certain I'd be walking down alone...never liked the "giving away" symbolism. But I don't want to get sympathy from those judgy people, so my brother is going to do it instead. It's a good compromise for me. Also, my fiance will be walking in first with his mom, and then the rest of the family also in pairs. It just works out. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    If someone was that rude to me, I'd probably cry in their face.  A big Ugly cry.  Not because I felt the need to cry, but just because I want to throw in their face how completely RUDE they are.

    Stranger: Why wouldn't your Mom walk you down the aisle?  She's your MOM!
    Me:  *Bawl*, *sob*, *choke down tears*, Why are trying to remind me that my dad just died?  It sucks!  I miss him!  I want him to be here, but he's not!  Why do you think you can tell me how I should handle this? *sob*  Go away, I'd like to be alone now.

    But then I'm an attention whore and a drama queen.  And people suck.

    Sorry you have to deal with assholes.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @DaniBites, I am also sorry to hear of your father's passing.  I'm even more sorry to hear people are giving you grief regarding whom you ask to walk you down the aisle.  As slothie said, this is one of the things about wedding planning where YOU get to do what YOU want.




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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I'm so sorry for your loss OP. No, you aren't breaking any rules. 

    And I'm sorry people have responded negatively toward your decision. I would not say one more thing to any of those people about your wedding. Clearly they will offer negative, incorrect advice. Come here instead. :)
    *********************************************************************************

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  • BrandNewJBrandNewJ member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    @DaniBites‌ I'm so sorry you feel that way. My grandma died 2 weeks ago tomorrow, the same day as the anniversary of my best friends death, so I get the feeling guilty part because it doesn't feel like you should be allowed to be happy. I got engaged only 2 days after she died. I felt the same. What helped me was knowing that they wouldn't want to be the reason why I'm not happy to be engaged. I love them, and I know they love me. Your dad loved you so much, you shouldn't feel bad about anything, let alone who will walk you down the aisle. Do what feels right. Good luck!

    ETA: because words are hard sometimes.

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  • AlexaF2014AlexaF2014 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed suddenly about 2 1/2 years ago. I think about him everyday still, but it's gotten less painful and more peaceful. I hope you can find the same comfort.

    People being judgey... yeah. People suck. People try and tell you how you should feel and what you should be doing and they have no clue. Fuck people. On something like this, you need to do what's right for you. 

    My blood is boiling at the thought of people (again, who suck) telling you it's too soon to plan a wedding... Really? Really? "You're right, my daddy would never want me to be happy and be loved now that he's gone. I should mope forever." No, you have every right to a joyful life, even when you're still feeling the loss. Emotions are complex; you can be happy and sad and excited and feel grief all at the same time. Just because you're planning a happy event doesn't mean the only thing you feel is happy!

    You have done NOTHING wrong. You keep your head up and make them squirm for trying to make you feel bad!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    To anyone who questions your choice of escort, you can totally point out that it's YOUR choice and not theirs to question or decide.  Which it is.
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  • classyduckclassyduck member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wow. I lost my dad a year ago... today. And planning this wedding has been very bittersweet.

    I think I would loose my mind if someone criticized my choice escort because of this loss. What a sensitive topic for a woman who has lost her father, and how absolutely cruel of them!

    Ignore them, walk with whom you wish, and be glad, as we know your dad would want you to be!
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