Modern Age kinda sucks :/

alicialynn1992 · September 2014

Most of the girls I asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding turned around and so no because I want it to be traditional. I heard things like "not paying for a dress i am only going to wear once" , "don't like my picture taken" , and "sorry i have a kid to raise." I understand that we all have different things going on in life but it sucks knowing that girls I have known since I was three are not really on the same page as me. Does anyone have any wedding party alternative ideas? My fiance is not happy with having guys on both sides that we are close to because they are not girls. Is asking older cousins of mine okay? I mean at least then I would be able to get to know them better. Just asking since I was looking forward to a little extra fun before the big day.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

alicialynn1992 said:

Most of the girls I asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding turned around and so no because I want it to be traditional. I heard things like "not paying for a dress i am only going to wear once" , "don't like my picture taken" , and "sorry i have a kid to raise." I understand that we all have different things going on in life but it sucks knowing that girls I have known since I was three are not really on the same page as me. Does anyone have any wedding party alternative ideas? My fiance is not happy with having guys on both sides that we are close to because they are not girls. Is asking older cousins of mine okay? I mean at least then I would be able to get to know them better. Just asking since I was looking forward to a little extra fun before the big day.

I'm a little confused about what you're really asking advice about here. So, you asked certain friends to be BMs and they said no. I'm sorry, that really stinks. Especially for it to be more than one person.

And now you are considering asking female cousins you aren't close to... why exactly? Just to have somebody up there with you? I would only ask people I'm really close to for this.

It also sounds like you have some close guy friends you want to ask, but your Fi doesn't want to have men on your side. Well, tough noogies for him. You should ask the people you are closest to. Traditionally that would be women, but if you're close to a couple of guy friends, you really should ask them. And Fi shouldn't try to control your friends or your side of the bridal party.

I just want to caution you, though, about having what you call "traditional" expectations of your BP. Yes, typically buying a dress is the BMs' responsibility. But the bride should ask each person her (or his) budget first, privately, and then only ask for a dress within that budget. So the dress/attire shouldn't be a burden for your friend. You also shouldn't really expect your friends to throw you parties or wear a special color shoe or matching jewelry at their own cost. All they need to do is show up on time, wearing the appropriate attire, and stand up next to you.

It just concerns me that several friends turned you down based on your expectations. You might want to dial things back a bit if you ask anyone else-- but either way, I encourage you to only ask your nearest and dearest.

CMGragain · September 2014

I had two bridesmaids - my sister, and my FSIL. That was plenty. I am the most traditional poster on this board. If you want a traditional wedding, then you won't have a gaggle of bridesmaids parading around in matching dresses. You only need one attendant.

bahamabride2015 · September 2014

I'm having 2 as well (FI has 7 guys) my sister and my best friend since childhood. I don't want more and I don't need more. I also haven't asked them to do anything or expected anything from them. My sister is going to be 2 months post baby so she isn't sure what kind of dress she wants until she knows what her post-baby body will be so I told them to just get together and pick something that they both like closer to the wedding. That is ALL they are responsible for.

There is NO reason to have high expectations from anyone for your wedding... sorry but I feel as though you may have scared them off.

MyNameIsNot · September 2014

I'm not exactly sure what you're asking.

It sucks that your friends turned you down, but that has nothing to do with the modern age. It sounds like they don't feel as close to you as you do to them. Don't ask your cousins or someone just to have fillers.

lreic · September 2014

Maybe you could clarify your expectations a bit. Or ask them what you could do in order for them to be able to accept. It is frustrating that your lives are not on the same page. If all else fails, ask them to still help you get ready the day of so you can at least be in their company and share the day with them

Modern Age kinda sucks :/

Re: Modern Age kinda sucks :/

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