Here's mine. I call him Snail, and I used to sit by him. He would spend the day grunting, burping, farting, heavy sighing, and snoring. Yep, every day he takes an afternoon nap at his desk. And let me tell you-- those farts were EPIC. After the big loud fart, he would grunt. Every. Time.
He strolls in late, makes several phone calls to friends, his kids, his wife, the lawn guy, whoever. He's really mean to his wife. Tells her to shut up, snaps at her, treats her like an idiot, says all kinds of unbelievably mean things to her. Thing that, if my FI said them to me, he'd have a black eye and I'd be out the door. Snail has no indoor voice. While he's on the phone, which is usually for hours at a time since he makes his rounds of phone calls every day, he practically yells. I don't sit near him anymore and I still hear every word of it.
He takes a 2-3 hour lunch. Leaves at 5 on the dot, if not sooner.
I won't even get started on his work ethic. Or total lack thereof. Been waiting for him to email me back about the simplest thing since last Friday and I refuse to go ask him in person because I can't even stand to talk to him. I think the only reason he hasn't been fired is because he's been working here for 25 years. Stupid reason to keep someone so worthless.
We recently reorganized our entire floor and my boss -- who is also Snail's boss-- told me that she had an extremely difficult time figuring out where to put him because NO ONE will sit by him. Hm... wonder why? The smells, the noises, or the rudeness? My boss is the nicest person in the world, never has a negative thing to say, and even she seems to detest Snail.
Who else has one of these guys, or someone else horrendous? And.... go!