Moroccan food

turqouise55 · October 2014

Hey guys, I'm in the very very very early stages of wedding planning, and my fiance and I are still trying to figure out if we should even have a wedding, and if so, how big it should be, where it should be, etc.

My fiance is Moroccan, I'm American. Moroccan food is traditionally served in a large clay dish in the middle of the table, and everyone eats with their hands, tearing off pieces of bread to dip into the dish.

If we have our wedding in America, I would love to serve Moroccan food, not only because it's delicious, but also to make the guests from his side more comfortable (especially since most would be traveling from out of country to attend.)

But if we serve food the traditional way, I'm afraid that will make my side of the family uncomfortable. Do you think people will be uncomfortable with eating out of a communal food plate with their hands? Set up tables with both silverware and bread and have guests choose what they want to do? But even then, will people side eye having to serve themselves family style at a wedding?

kmmssg · October 2014

NO WAY am I eating out of a communal bowl with my hands or eating food anyone else's hands have been in to. It isnt even the least bit negotiable.

Maybe serve "some" Morrocan food American style?

atlastmrsg · October 2014

Sounds like you should find some inspired appetizers that can rock the casbah.

Like some small tagine clay pots for individual appetizers.

Mini skewers with charmoula or pesto.

Mini mason jars of traditional soups.

Spoons with couscous and something (veggie, shrimp, etc.) on top.

Mini cups of tea.

etc.

You get the idea. I don't eat communal food. Period. I don't eat out of bar nuts, candy dishes with spoon at restaurants and the like. I actually avoid mauled fruit and cheese displays at weddings that everyone has picked over and potentially touched/breathed on. Granted, I'm more sensitive than most people, but I really don't want to get dressed up for a wedding then be scooping up food with bread or my hands and getting it on me or my dress.

If I was invited to your wedding, and you do the communal thing, I'd come to the ceremony then go out for dinner with my husband afterwards. We like interesting food, but when we go to Indian/Ethiopian/etc., we go places where it's on our own plate with a fork and knife. That's how we roll. Your FI's family might love the communal thing, but I have a feeling guests on your side will feel the way I do, and @kmmssg does.

Another example--I went to a "Russian" restaurant once for my Russian mom's birthday. The food was way better than what she was used to growing up because it was inspired, not actual turnips, etc. It was elevated but with some familiar ingredients.

photokitty · October 2014

What PPs said and tack on being all dressed up and eating with my hands - food under my nails and getting it on my clothes bc my napkin will be soaked...sorry, but no.

I would be fine with plate Moroccan meals or even a buffet with utensils. I would not do family style if some of the guests will feel free to use their hands in the communal dishes.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

You can certainly serve Moroccan food but not in the traditional way. Sorry but I know no one who would be excited to eat with their hands from a bowl that others have eaten out of with their hands. Just the fact that someone's fingers went into their mouth and then those same saliva covered fingers are dipping back into a communal bowl that I am then supposed to eat out makes me want to gag. Sorry but I do not mean that to be offensive towards those cultures who do that but those individuals are used to eating that way, Americans, not so much.

There are certain foods that I will eat with my hands but none of those foods are suitable for a wedding nor have they been touched by others (well besides those preparing the food).

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

I think it's great that you're trying to come up with ways to incorporate his culture and family. And you can definitely strike a balance between his family's comfort and your family's comfort.

I would not serve in the communal style you suggest. Personally, I'd be fine with it (we get Ethiopian food with friends a lot - it's served the same way). But many people are definitely NOT ok with this.

In your situation, I'd do a buffet. I'd have one traditional Moroccan entree and 2 traditional American entrees. Lopsided because I'm assuming you'll have more American guests. That'll give people the opportunity to try everything and both sides are represented. Then you could swap out couscous for rice or some other side dish swap to add some Moroccan flavor.

My cousin is Algerian and at their wedding they sent people home with a little box of pastries (traditional in Algerian culture). At the risk of sounding ignorant, is there a similar Moroccan tradition? If so, this could be your favor.

jenna8984 · October 2014

If I were flying to Morocco for a wedding, I'd fully expect to eat their food in the manner which they serve their food. Moroccans coming here should have the same expectation.

turqouise55 · October 2014

Thanks for all your helpful advice!

Just to clarify, you don't actually stick your fingers into the food when you eat traditional-style. You sort of use a piece of bread as a utensil to pick out what you want. And no double dipping! :P

But you guys are so right. I forgot how foreign/awkward it felt to me the first time I ate Moroccan food the traditional way, and a wedding is not the place to introduce that to friends and family.

I love the ideas suggested. I definitely am going to have hot mint tea waiting for guests when they arrive. And veggie couscous is my favorite! Definitely want to serve that.

And yes, southernbelle! You do the same thing in Morocco of giving out little baggies of cookies and pastries to the guests. FI's aunt already offered to make them, soooo...score!

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

@Knottie16489139 - send a PM to KnotPorscha if you want to change your screen name to something identifiable.

turqouise55 · October 2014

jenna8984 said:

If I were flying to Morocco for a wedding, I'd fully expect to eat their food in the manner which they serve their food. Moroccans coming here should have the same expectation.

Certainly, but it's important to me that his family feels comfortable and welcome, especially since they're traveling from so far and, for many, it'll be their first time in the US. Plus they have been so great and hosted me so warmly when I was in Morocco.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Knottie16489139 said:

jenna8984 said:

If I were flying to Morocco for a wedding, I'd fully expect to eat their food in the manner which they serve their food. Moroccans coming here should have the same expectation.

Certainly, but it's important to me that his family feels comfortable and welcome, especially since they're traveling from so far and, for many, it'll be their first time in the US. Plus they have been so great and hosted me so warmly when I was in Morocco.

This is understandable but I think serving Moroccan food but not in a communal manner is a great compromise and also is very welcoming to his family since they will be served food that they know and like and your American guests will not fee uncomfortable.

MandyMost · October 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie16489139 said:

jenna8984 said:

If I were flying to Morocco for a wedding, I'd fully expect to eat their food in the manner which they serve their food. Moroccans coming here should have the same expectation.

Certainly, but it's important to me that his family feels comfortable and welcome, especially since they're traveling from so far and, for many, it'll be their first time in the US. Plus they have been so great and hosted me so warmly when I was in Morocco.

This is understandable but I think serving Moroccan food but not in a communal manner is a great compromise and also is very welcoming to his family since they will be served food that they know and like and your American guests will not fee uncomfortable.

I totally agree. Serve Moroccan food for sure. There's ALWAYS going to be people who don't like what you server, as long as you cover a variety of flavors and meat/veg options, it's fine if it's all Moroccan. But do it buffet, or even the typical family style way (i.e. passed dishes at the table) if you think your foreign guests will understand what to do with that.

And think about how you were hosted when you were there...they probably didn't take you to McDonald's and throw a BBQ because they wanted to give you American Food, right? You ate Moroccan food! They'll be expecting to eat foods they are not used to.

jacques27 · October 2014

Knottie16489139 said:

jenna8984 said:

If I were flying to Morocco for a wedding, I'd fully expect to eat their food in the manner which they serve their food. Moroccans coming here should have the same expectation.

Certainly, but it's important to me that his family feels comfortable and welcome, especially since they're traveling from so far and, for many, it'll be their first time in the US. Plus they have been so great and hosted me so warmly when I was in Morocco.

While it's commendable that you want them to feel comfortable...

1. Unless they have absolutely no contact with any outside cultures (even through television or books), they probably are already aware of the Western style of eating, even if they've never done it. I've never been to Japan, but I'm aware of chopsticks and tatami mats.

2. Unless they are literally flying in only for the wedding, attending the wedding and reception, and flying out immediately afterwards, they are going to have already encountered Western food, utensils, and customs at other meals during their visit - likely even on the airplane since I'm assuming it's a pretty long flight and meals will be served.

Meanwhile, I think that style of eating is going to make a lot of the people from the US uncomfortable. I have lots of "germaphobe" friends who won't even touch a potluck or a buffet, let alone eat from a communal dish. And while I actually don't share their same concerns about potlucks or buffets (and we have a pretty large Somali and Ethiopian communities here, so I'm fairly acquainted with that style of eating), I would likely have a hard time with that style of eating with people who are not my SO or closest friends and family (say at a wedding where you have me seated with maybe a couple of your college friends and some coworkers).

So, stick with serving Moroccan-inspired, but in Western tradition. I would also have some traditionally American foods. Maybe it's just me, but part of what I love about traveling is getting to experience cuisines that I don't get at home. Actually, I'd probably be disappointed if I went to a wedding in a foreign country and then discovered they made the reception meal hamburgers and french fries or fried chicken and mashed potatoes instead of their traditional food because they think all Americans only like hamburgers and chicken and they wanted to cater to me. Nice in their thoughtfulness, but disappointing in reality.

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