Dear Prudence,
I’ve been dating a loving man named “Andy” for nearly three years, and we recently moved in together. We both had marriages that ended badly, and we feel truly compatible. The only problem is that I have a pretty big secret, and I don’t know how to tell him, or if I even should. In 2002, I underwent gastric bypass surgery and lost over 100 pounds. I felt like some people were judgmental about the surgery, and the most judgmental were those who’d lost a large amount of weight through more traditional means. On my first date with Andy, he told me that he had been heavy his whole life and had recently lost 75 pounds. I had just met this man, so I wasn’t about to tell him my secret. Fast forward three years, and now I’m tormented that I haven’t told him. On numerous occasions, I’ve almost blurted it out, but I always stop myself. Now I wouldn’t know how to explain to him why I didn’t tell him. I worry that a family member or close friend will say something in his presence, assuming that he knows. I’m worried he might be hurt that I didn’t trust that he loved me enough that I felt I could tell him. Or he might be disgusted. Of course, he might just say, “I’ve always wondered why you eat several small meals during the day and can’t seem to hold much. So what should we watch on TV?” Is this something he even needs to know? What should I do?