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Etiquette

Escort Card Question

I have an uncle and a cousin(his son) with the same name, therefore we have Mr. and Mrs. First Name Last Name twice. They are at different tables, however, and while I'm sure they would figure out which one is which just by who is sitting at the tables, is there a proper way to distinguish which one is which? Should I include the wives' first names as well? Thanks in advance! 

Re: Escort Card Question

  • I'm not sure if this would work for you, but could you write Sr. and Jr.? If that wouldn't work a middle initial? HTH
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would include the wives first names.

  • Since they're a father and son I'd just go with the Sr. and Jr. So, one would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Sr." and the other would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Jr." If they had different middle initials I'd use that. If one had a nickname I'd add that, so it would be "Mr. and Mrs. John (Buddy) Smith". And finally, if everything really was exactly the same and they weren't father/son sr./jr., I'd add in the wives names.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    MandyMost said:
    Since they're a father and son I'd just go with the Sr. and Jr. So, one would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Sr." and the other would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Jr." If they had different middle initials I'd use that. If one had a nickname I'd add that, so it would be "Mr. and Mrs. John (Buddy) Smith". And finally, if everything really was exactly the same and they weren't father/son sr./jr., I'd add in the wives names.
    Honestly, adding the wive's names is so much easier than this. 
    Just do Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe
    Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Mary Doe.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @annieandandy2014‌ and @MandyMost‌ You can't just arbitrarily change people's names! One may be a junior, but the dad definitely is not a senior.
    [Deleted User]slothiegal
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited October 2014
    I would also use the wives' first names. All wives. On all escort cards. If I showed up to a wedding and my husband and I were listed on an escort card as "Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe" I would be distractingly annoyed. I might be married, but I still exist!!!
    [Deleted User]abbyj700MommyKristin88
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    jenijoyk said:
    I would also use the wives' first names. All wives. On all escort cards. If I showed up to a wedding and my husband we were listed on an escort card as "Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe" I would be distractingly annoyed. I might be married, but I still exist!!!
    We did the traditional Mr. and Mrs. on the invitations and escort cards, because that is formal proper way to do it. The only ones we didn't do this on were wives who kept their own name (obviously). 

    Now if we knew someone preferred having their name on it like you, we certainly would have done what you suggested.


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  • Hmmm...I gave everyone their own individual escort card...I didn't even think to combine them.  Oops.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    jenijoykabbyj700
  • Easiest way? Don't combine escort cards. 

    I'm with all the ladies who have pointed out that I'm my own person - even when married. At the end of our ceremony they are not saying "I present to you mr and mrs. joe smith" - they are saying "I present to you mr and mrs joe and jane smith." Call me new age - I'm good with it. :-) I'm one of those dirty feminists. 
    jenijoyk[Deleted User]MommyKristin88
  • edited October 2014
    abbyj700 said:
    Easiest way? Don't combine escort cards. 

    I'm with all the ladies who have pointed out that I'm my own person - even when married. At the end of our ceremony they are not saying "I present to you mr and mrs. joe smith" - they are saying "I present to you mr and mrs joe and jane smith." Call me new age - I'm good with it. :-) I'm one of those dirty feminists. 
    And I'm not even changing my name, so they'll say something like, "Now presenting, for the first time as a married couple, Joe Smith and Jane Doe!"
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    Easiest way? Don't combine escort cards. 

    I'm with all the ladies who have pointed out that I'm my own person - even when married. At the end of our ceremony they are not saying "I present to you mr and mrs. joe smith" - they are saying "I present to you mr and mrs joe and jane smith." Call me new age - I'm good with it. :-) I'm one of those dirty feminists. 
    And I'm not even changing my name, so they'll say something like, "Now presenting, for the first time as a married couple, Joe Smith and Jane Doe!"
    The officiant just announced us by our first names. I didn't change my last name either. Also a feminist. 
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  • adk19 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    Easiest way? Don't combine escort cards. 

    I'm with all the ladies who have pointed out that I'm my own person - even when married. At the end of our ceremony they are not saying "I present to you mr and mrs. joe smith" - they are saying "I present to you mr and mrs joe and jane smith." Call me new age - I'm good with it. :-) I'm one of those dirty feminists. 
    And I'm not even changing my name, so they'll say something like, "Now presenting, for the first time as a married couple, Joe Smith and Jane Doe!"
    The officiant just announced us by our first names. I didn't change my last name either. Also a feminist. 
    When I wrote my sister's wedding ceremony and officiated it, this was the one thing I totally spaced on.  I declared them husband and wife (in two languages), said they could kiss, then everyone just sorta looked at me.  I stuttered all over myself and said something like, The Couple!, and everybody clapped, the newlyweds walked back up the aisle and went to get champagne together while the rest of us organized ourselves for a large group photo.  My sister brought the video of the wedding when she came to visit, and I told her before we watched it, "I want to get it out of my system that I'm completely embarrassed by the whole The Couple! thing."  She didn't notice, either when it happened or later when watching the video.  But my announcing my embarrassment made it less embarrassing to watch.  Though I still hate the way my voice sounds in recordings.
  • @annieandandy2014‌ and @MandyMost‌ You can't just arbitrarily change people's names! One may be a junior, but the dad definitely is not a senior.
    I was pretty sure that you are automatically a senior once you name your son a junior. My quick internet searching has confirmed this, although I don't know if there is a real authority anywhere that I could check!
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    DH and his son have the same first and last name but they are not Jr. and Sr. because they have different middle names so the people in question could very well not be Jr. and Sr. We had several people at our wedding with the same first and last name so we added their middle initials. Actually, DH uses his middle initial on every single thing that he does to help lessen the confusion.
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    cosenti7
  • Update: I asked my cousin and his middle name is Charles and his dad's is Carmine. Middle Initial doesn't work?!? haha

    Wives names? Or full name with middle name?
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    cosenti7 said:
    Update: I asked my cousin and his middle name is Charles and his dad's is Carmine. Middle Initial doesn't work?!? haha

    Wives names? Or full name with middle name?
    Damn them for being so confusing! 

    I think either of those options would be fine.
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    cosenti7[Deleted User]
  • jenijoyk said:
    I realize that's the formal way to do it, but I don't think that makes it ok. And it bothers me that I would have to go around announcing to everyone whose wedding I am attending that I prefer to not have my name deleted. But I know I'm in the minority here on this. Oh well.
    Would you really go up to a bride or groom at their wedding and bring this up? Yeesh. I understand your annoyance your name being omitted, but you wouldn't just let it go? if i saw someone bring it up to a bride or groom, that would seem so rude to me.
  • SteffJay said:
    jenijoyk said:
    I realize that's the formal way to do it, but I don't think that makes it ok. And it bothers me that I would have to go around announcing to everyone whose wedding I am attending that I prefer to not have my name deleted. But I know I'm in the minority here on this. Oh well.
    Would you really go up to a bride or groom at their wedding and bring this up? Yeesh. I understand your annoyance your name being omitted, but you wouldn't just let it go? if i saw someone bring it up to a bride or groom, that would seem so rude to me.
    I certainly wouldn't bring it up at their wedding, but I would find a way to mention it in conversation later on.  Six months after the wedding, you're sitting at a restaurant with the the newlyweds and a couple other people, casually bring up names, changing of names, feminism, something.  "Hey, check this out, of the 3 married women sitting at this table, one of us took our husband's last name, one of us kept our last name, and one of us hyphenated.  How about that!  You know what bugs me about having taken his last name though?  Being ignored on formal mail.  Like the whole Mr and Mrs thing.  I'm not Mrs John Smith, I'm Mrs Alexandria Smith.  It's just something that bugs me.  Though my widowed aunt still refers to herself as Mrs Albert Doe, so to each her own."
  •   

    SteffJay said:
    jenijoyk said:
    I realize that's the formal way to do it, but I don't think that makes it ok. And it bothers me that I would have to go around announcing to everyone whose wedding I am attending that I prefer to not have my name deleted. But I know I'm in the minority here on this. Oh well.
    Would you really go up to a bride or groom at their wedding and bring this up? Yeesh. I understand your annoyance your name being omitted, but you wouldn't just let it go? if i saw someone bring it up to a bride or groom, that would seem so rude to me.

    No, I would obviously never bring it up. That was the point I was making. Someone above suggested that she would include the wife's first name if she knew that's what the wife preferred.

    I'm saying the onus shouldn't be on married women to go around having to inform everyone they would like to be recognized by their actual first name.

    There is no way to go around letting people know you dislike having your name dropped without sounding like a crazy person. Since no one can be offended by including both names ("Mr. and Mrs. Name and Other Name Doe"), but lots of women are offending by having their name excluded ("Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe")... to me, it seems like everyone should just include wives' names by default.

    Etiquette is supposedly about making people comfortable. So I don't understand why people justify exluding wives' names because it is "formal and proper." When rules of etiquette become outdated, they no longer serve their intended function of making people feel comfortable.

    [Deleted User]
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2014
    adk19 said:
    SteffJay said:
    jenijoyk said:
    I realize that's the formal way to do it, but I don't think that makes it ok. And it bothers me that I would have to go around announcing to everyone whose wedding I am attending that I prefer to not have my name deleted. But I know I'm in the minority here on this. Oh well.
    Would you really go up to a bride or groom at their wedding and bring this up? Yeesh. I understand your annoyance your name being omitted, but you wouldn't just let it go? if i saw someone bring it up to a bride or groom, that would seem so rude to me.
    I certainly wouldn't bring it up at their wedding, but I would find a way to mention it in conversation later on.  Six months after the wedding, you're sitting at a restaurant with the the newlyweds and a couple other people, casually bring up names, changing of names, feminism, something.  "Hey, check this out, of the 3 married women sitting at this table, one of us took our husband's last name, one of us kept our last name, and one of us hyphenated.  How about that!  You know what bugs me about having taken his last name though?  Being ignored on formal mail.  Like the whole Mr and Mrs thing.  I'm not Mrs John Smith, I'm Mrs Alexandria Smith.  It's just something that bugs me.  Though my widowed aunt still refers to herself as Mrs Albert Doe, so to each her own."
    Well I'm Mrs. Ms. Alexandria Jones, and we still got stuff for Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  Most of my friends who changed to their husband's last names want to be Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

     It doesn't bother me too much, especially for people who don't know. And for wedding stuff, people like to write Mr. and Mrs.. But my friends who knew I wasn't changing my name should have known better.

    If people want to call me Mrs. Husband last in social situations, whatever. I've only been married a few months, so we'll see what happens the first time we get a wedding invitation from someone.

    But I think people who take their husband's last names shouldn't be as upset, because you are Mrs. Smith.


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  • @annieandandy2014‌ and @MandyMost‌ You can't just arbitrarily change people's names! One may be a junior, but the dad definitely is not a senior.



    That is why I said "I don't know if this week work for you, but..." I wasn't suggesting that to just make shit up!
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