Wedding Etiquette Rant...do NOT do

Re: Wedding Etiquette Rant...do NOT do

• anjemon member

  

  October 2014

  I know these feels. A few years ago FI was in a wedding and we attended together, but he was sitting up at the head table. I would have had a pretty horrible time if I hadn't been sitting with a couple of FI's friends who are super friendly. Even though I hadn't met them before I had a fun time and FI came and joined us eventually. But I was worried for a bit.

  

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• HaileyDancingbear member

  

  October 2014

  That's my nightmare.  I am NOT a social person. I'm just not.  I used to attempt counseling (I was too shy to talk to my counselor)  because when I was younger my anxiety was so bad my IMMEDIATE FAMILY could go 2 weeks with nothing but one-word answers from me.  I partially blame my dad, but that's a whole other can of words and feminist rant that I won't get into right now.

  
  

  I've gone from feeling actual panic/terror when confronted with a new person to just feeling kinda nervous and uncomfortable, so I have made SOME improvements.  But I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be that person who is really comfortable surrounded by strangers. 

  
  

  I would honestly leave a reception if I got stuck at a table surrounded by strangers.  Me surrounded by strangers = extremely uncomfortable and dead silent person that makes other people uncomfortable.  No thanks.

  

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• jaygeejay member

  

  October 2014

  The invitation thing just happened to me recently. My fiance received a wedding invitation for Mr and guest. We are engaged and also have a child together, I'm not just his plus one...also I have met these people on several occasions. I resisted the urge to right "and guest" on the save the dates we sent to them. 

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• mimivac member

  

  October 2014

  My boyfriend's sister put "and guest" on her invitations for me and him -- I was one of her two attendants! My BF didn't want to show me the invitation because he was embarrassed and didn't want me to feel bad. They meant absolutely nothing by it, but I was taken a bit aback 

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• SachaBee member

  

  October 2014

  mimivac said:

  My boyfriend's sister put "and guest" on her invitations for me and him -- I was one of her two attendants! My BF didn't want to show me the invitation because he was embarrassed and didn't want me to feel bad. They meant absolutely nothing by it, but I was taken a bit aback 

  I'm always surprised when people don't know how weird that is. My fiance keeps saying it that way too: "so we would invite [close family friend] with a guest, right?" No, we will invite [close family friend] with [close family friend's long-term, live-in girlfriend], by name. 

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• perdonami member

  

  October 2014

  I feel ya OP some of the most simple slights can actually be very hurtful to some guests. I recently attended a wedding where we were seated away from the rest of the reception. It felt kind of awful to not be able to see or hear any of the speeches and activities.. don't even know why we were invited. 

  
  

  Just a bit of a side note: 

  
  

  One of my bridal party attendants approached me at my bridal shower and said, "Your brother told me you were really into the whole ettiquette thing and I don't you to go all bridezilla on me, so what do I need to do the day of the wedding?"

  
  

  I just kind of rolled my eyes and said: "show up sober, be on time, and wear the tux we picked out for you." 

  
  

  Later on he asked, "So, is there going to be a head table? I just want to make sure I sit with my girlfriend at the reception as she doesn't know anyone and is shy."

  
  

  I said, "of course she is sitting with you because as you already know, I am all into the whole ettiquette thing."

  
  

  
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  mimivac said:

  My boyfriend's sister put "and guest" on her invitations for me and him -- I was one of her two attendants! My BF didn't want to show me the invitation because he was embarrassed and didn't want me to feel bad. They meant absolutely nothing by it, but I was taken a bit aback 

  I would have called them out on that. Sounds like BF can bring anyone- that is what "and guest" means. He should have written someone else on the response card, and when they question you, you say, oh you said "and guest". Obviously, I'm still coming because I'm your bridesmaid but you didn't send me an invitation.

  
  

  I would probably not do this, but I would want to.

  
  

  I can somewhat understand writing "and guest" for someone you don't know, but for your own bridesmaid? That is baffling. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• XrebeccaX member

  

  October 2014

  I have been in four weddings but IIRC I only took a date to two of them - one was a casual luncheon reception with no seating chart, so we sat together; and the other one sat all attendants with their dates. On the flip side I was the date of a groomsman once and was seated separately at the reception. There were 400 people there, so not only were we not sitting together, I literally never saw him during the wedding banquet - a very elaborate, 13-course, four-hour-long event. I didn't know anyone at my table.

  
  

  Fortunately the couple had put a lot of time into providing explanations of the cultural significance of the different parts of the meal and various traditions, so it was an experience in itself, and we were able to at least make polite conversation about everything, but it would have been more fun with my date.

  
  

  Oh and when my SIL/BIL got married, my husband (fiancé at the time) was best man, and we were not seated together. I sat with my other SIL and her bf (now fiancé!) and other family but again...would have been more fun with my husband! I don't understand why this is so commonly overlooked.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2014

  SachaBee said:

  mimivac said:

  My boyfriend's sister put "and guest" on her invitations for me and him -- I was one of her two attendants! My BF didn't want to show me the invitation because he was embarrassed and didn't want me to feel bad. They meant absolutely nothing by it, but I was taken a bit aback 

  I'm always surprised when people don't know how weird that is. My fiance keeps saying it that way too: "so we would invite [close family friend] with a guest, right?" No, we will invite [close family friend] with [close family friend's long-term, live-in girlfriend], by name. 

  When I was younger (but old enough to know better), I thought I'd only invite one half of a couple to an event.  My logic was that they would of course feel free to invite their SO, but they could also have a night away if they wanted.  I thought it was nicer of me to allow them to invite their SO than to force them to attend something with them.  This was before I ever had a SO and didn't realize that people actually usually LIKE their SO and LIKE spending time with them and will almost always bring their SO when going out.  So, while I no longer understand why a couple getting married would do this wrong, but I do understand why a young person who has never had an SO would.

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