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For the love of all that is holy, I only invited YOU! (Rant, obviously)

Wegl13Wegl13 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited October 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My invites went out last Saturday for my dec 6 wedding (yay). I've gotten multiple RSVPs almost every day since then (double yay) for a total of 9 so far (out of 42). We are planning a low key, low (ish) budget wedding with close family and friends. Simple dress, simple decorations, simple food. We are trying to keep everything as easy as possible because of so many other big changes in our lives right now (move, new house, new jobs, etc). Key words here: low key, small. I think we invited a total of 79 people. We also invited everyone's known SO. The only people invited alone were either friends that weren't dating anyone and were coming with their roommate (I double checked they both were single before sending out the invites), and two close family friends that have been happily single since before I was born. We aren't inviting kids outside of his BRAND NEW NEPHEW (excuse me while I get unreasonably excited about NEW BABY). I feel like we were nice, and inclusive, and communicated CLEARLY who was invited (based on the, you know, invitation addresses).
Fast forward to today. I have now gotten TWO RSVPs with a "__ number attending" that is more than invited. The one the other day was his good friend who RSVPed for the whole fam (even though FI had said something to him a couple months ago about us trying to keep it small by not inviting kids). Today it was a family friend that RSVPed for 3. I invited... Count it.. One person. Seriously people. I actually called my parents to be like "who the heck are these other 2 people?" And they had no idea who it could be.
Honestly, it really makes me wonder how you people planning extravaganzas get through it all, because it makes me want to just fuck it all, drive to Vegas, and elope. I know what I need to do (the whole calling and being like hey um, invites only for you, dude, hope you can still come) but can anyone advise me on keeping my sanity? Should I have just had an even MORE laid back and budget friendly wedding so that this wouldn't drive me as insane as it is, and I could just be like "it's cool bring your random relative I've never met, there's enough popcorn and jello for everyone."
ETA: My fiancé's take on this debacle: "didn't your mom say to invite these people because they weren't going to come anyways? So now not only are they coming but they are coming in multiples???" (No we didn't invite anyone we couldn't afford to host but it is an interesting take on it).
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Re: For the love of all that is holy, I only invited YOU! (Rant, obviously)

  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just out of curiousity, why are your invitations out so darn early!!
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  • SachaBeeSachaBee member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    That's super annoying. 
    I guess I understand someone wanting to bring a date, even a confirmed bachelor type, but two extra guests?? 
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah I was under the impression invites go out 6-10 weeks beforehand. My BFF was ordering shower invites and she wanted to get those in the mail soon (Nov 15 is super duper close guys, woot), and I wanted to be sure I got my invites out before hers went out.
    Anyways, yes I get even confirmed bachelors may want a date. But "drawing the line" has been the most difficult thing in the world for us. Every time we have asked for someone address, it's been "and the kids are named Bobby, Jimmy, and Josephus." Every time I discussed our (initially 50 person) small guest list, my mother has been like "you aren't inviting Sue????" And when I say I wasn't planning on it, my dad kind of cringes and says "oh. Hmmm" which is dad-speak for "Sue has already bought you a present because she's so excited about coming." So Sue, who of course is married to Mr. Sue, gets an invite. And then I realized my FI had only written down to invite half of his first cousins, and was totally cool with inviting some of them without their long standing SO (whom I have met, and is one of the few people invited that actually lives in the tiny town where the wedding will be). Of course I figured if first cousin one gets to bring his SO, first cousin two and uncle might appreciate having the opportunity to bring one too. Oh and THEN I went to a family reunion where a distant cousin of mine that lives in another state was insinuating he wanted an invite (which by the way would mean inviting all of my second cousins, which... Just... No). I dodged that one, thankfully. But seriously, it's like I can't take FI (or hell my engagement ring) anywhere without family or friends being like "when's the wedding? Where is the wedding? I'm so happy for you and can't wait to celebrate." My mom tried to get me to send all these kind well wishers an invite because "they won't come anyways." Nice try but no.
    Needless to say, the guest list went from 50, to 55, to 65, to 75, to 79. I needed to get that list out before I was pressured into inviting more people. And now I'm realizing that if my family had their way, this wedding might have over 200 people at my wedding, which besides the fact that our venue can't hold that many, my FI doesn't WANT that many people there. He wanted 50.
    I think this may be partially related to me being an only child and grandchild? Thoughts?
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:
    indianaalum said:
    Just out of curiousity, why are your invitations out so darn early!!
    It's just over 8 weeks.  Not too early.
    Don't tell me this. It can't possibly be 8 weeks until December. Where did my year go???

    But seriously...for a wedding around the holidays, I think it's okay for invitations to go out a little on the early side so that guests can plan around all the other stuff they have going on. And also, I'm dreading how many of our guests are going to try and add people.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    OP - all you can is take a breath before you open an RSVP and if it is for additional guests, you CHOOSE not to get upset and pick up the phone.  I have 4 married DDs = had to do this more than once (although not very much when you consider it was 4 weddings - we must have great friends and family).  Don't let it get to you!
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Have some wine, and make the call! (Or do that in reverse order if being tipsy would be dangerous.)
    They have plenty of time to change their plans. Breathe :)
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  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer

    Getting back RSVPs (or, NOT getting back RSVPs) is by faaaarrrrr the most annoying part of the whole wedding process. So many weird requests to bring people. So many late RSVPs. So many, "Oh didn't realize the deadline was last week. Yeah, uh, let me find out.... I'll let you know." So many, "We're a yes, unless there is a playoff game, and then we're a no." I had no idea how rude our friends and family were until this process. I love them, obviously, but for crying out loud. 

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  • XrebeccaXXrebeccaX member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My mom insisted on sending invites to people even though "they probably won't come." They didn't, but I still had to purchase, address and post the invites just so they could send a "no thanks" back to me. 

    We got married in an entirely different country and still had people telling me and my mom "well, we'll be there!" before any invites had gone out.

    People can be quite clueless at times!
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