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Etiquette

Grandma and Cake

blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
Not exactly etiquette related, but I know you ladies give great advice on handling delicate situations.

When FI and I realized how much a "traditional" wedding cake costs, we decided that we absolutely didn't want to spend the money on it. It's just not important to us. We decided to serve sheet cakes from the kitchen, and I asked my grandma if she could help me bake a simple little cake for the ceremonial cutting, or if I could borrow her cake pans to do it. She still bakes cakes for all the birthdays and such, and we love cooking together, so I thought this was a nice idea.

Last night grandma offered to pay for my wedding cake as her wedding gift to us, because she "knows I want a pretty cake" (I don't) and it just made me feel super awkward and I don't know how to handle it. First of all, I don't think she realizes how much they cost (starting around $3pp in our area), and I'm sure she wasn't expecting to spend that much on a gift. I know she worries about money a lot and the last thing I want is to make her feel obligated to spend that much. She would probably tell me to order from the bakery and have them send her the bill, and I'm afraid that might actually cause her a heart attack, but there's no good way to broach the subject on the front end. At the same time, I don't know if there's any graceful way to decline the offer without hurting her feelings.

So, what's the best way to handle this? Just let it go and pick out a cake? What would you do?
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Re: Grandma and Cake

  • You were going to go with a small pretty cake for cutting, yes? I'd do this still. You get pretty cake, she gets to give you a gift, it's not ungodly expensive, everyone wins.
    Suggestion number two: grocery store cake,go super simple, ask your florist for cutting leftovers to decorate with. I've heard great things here on TK about Publix as a very tasty option. Again, everyone wins because you get a pretty cake and she gets to give you a gift.
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Can you not just say it? " Grandma, that is a very generous and lovely offer, but I would hate to see you spend X dollars, because a fancy bakery cake just isn't important to me. A cake that we baked together some afternoon would mean so much more to me, or something simple that doesn't cost an arm and a leg."

    My grandma would eat that up. 
    This is perfect. 

    I think she probably would regret offering if she knew how much they were, so you probably want to warn her!
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    image

  • A thought on that- she may be offering to buy you a cake because she doesn't want to bake one. I'm just saying this is a possibility because my grandmother has done something similar before when I've asked her to help me with something and it's not something she wants to do anymore (for example I wanted to go shopping with her and generally make up some lame excuse why I need to go, and she has stopped wanting to go because her knees hurt so bad, so she just offers me money to get what I need). Again I have no idea about your gran, but mine has done this before.
    Fran1985
  • Echoing previous suggestions to accept her offer for a small, pretty cutting cake and you provide (ideally the same type/flavor) sheet cake for your guests.
  • Love the advice you have been given.  Please make sure you can take homemade cakes into your venue.  Most food licensed venues will not accept food not prepared in a commercially licensed kitchen.

    Many, many years ago a knottie had her g'ma make her wedding cake - g'ma made ALL the wedding cakes in the family.  Well this bride's venue would not allow the cake to be brought in because it was made in g'ma's home rather than a licensed kitchen.  No cake at the wedding, and cake for 300 the following day.

    ilovecake84
  • Can you not just say it? " Grandma, that is a very generous and lovely offer, but I would hate to see you spend X dollars, because a fancy bakery cake just isn't important to me. A cake that we baked together some afternoon would mean so much more to me, or something simple that doesn't cost an arm and a leg."

    My grandma would eat that up. 
    I love this. The time spent together is priceless and whenever you look at your wedding pictures you'll be able to tell people I made that cake with my grandmother. And I challenge to find a person that doesn't go "aww" when they here that.
    ejpentecost
  • I'd just decline the offer to buy a wedding cake and I agree with the other posters. If Grandma doesn't want to make a cake - just buy one from the store for cutting purposes. I bought mine from Giant (Buttercream Frosting - YUM) and decorated it myself using caketoppers off of Etsy and fondant from Michaels. It turned out perfectly for us.
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    Wegl13
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I also echo PP's that say maybe you could have her buy just a small cutting cake.  If outside food is allowed you could also tell her how meaningful it would be for her to make you a small cake instead. 


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