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Vow Renewals

Responsibilities of the Brides Maid, Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor for 20 year Vow renewal

I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

Re: Responsibilities of the Brides Maid, Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor for 20 year Vow renewal

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.
    Your friend is having a vow renewal, not a wedding.  Your friend should not have asked anyone to be in a WP since this is a vow renewal.  Your friend is also trying to push off things that are her and her Husband's responsibility onto other people.  Do not feel bad that your friends' expectations are not being met, they are very unreasonable.  A good vow renewal resource is idotaketwo.com, try to point her in that direction.
    CMGragainnascargirl1
  • Wow! All of these "responsibilities" seem really out of place for a vow renewal. I guess this is why people say you shouldn't have a bridal party for a renewal ceremony.

    20 years of marriage is an amazing thing to celebrate and I "get" having a big ceremony in terms of the number of guests and the celebration itself. But I agree that she needs some direction on a better way to handle this. It really is something that she and her husband should be coordinating.

    I am not one that thinks any and all things "wedding associated" are off limits for vow renewals. In reality, people have what look and feel a lot like weddings even though they are vow renewals. And everyone has a good time and the world keeps turning. But expecting your friends to do typical wedding responsibilities including a bridal shower is too much, even for me.

    Anyway, I am not sure how much you can do about this situation. It seems like you want to stand up for her, she is your best friend. I don't know how likely it is that she will change her plans as she has probably envisioned this for quite some time. But I will say that you shouldn't feel bad about what you can't or won't do. Good luck!

    nascargirl1
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited October 2014


    I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.
    I think Lincoln was president when they freed the slaves?  This is a mess.
    Vow renewals are not second weddings.  Your friends plans are wildly inappropriate. 
    Celebrate a 20th anniversary?  YES!  Have a re-do wedding?  NO!
    Vow renewals do not have ANY attendants - no bridesmaids, no groomsmen - because it is not a wedding.
    Vow renewals do not have showers because it is not a wedding.
    Wedding dresses are sometimes worn by brides on their wedding day.  This is not your friend's wedding day.
    The responsibility of planning and organizing a proper vow renewal (which this is definitely NOT!) belongs to the couple who are renewing their vows, and no one else.
    Tell your friend, "Sorry, I can't do this."  Next year she will be wondering why so many people are declining the invitation to her ridiculous circus.  Oh, and by the way, gifts are not expected at vow renewals, either.
    It does not matter what kind of wedding your friend had twenty years ago.  That was her wedding, and she doesn't get another one.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    nascargirl1flbride2015
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